Click on all pictures in the sidebar to get the most from this blog. Pastor's Corner : Submit questions for three pastors - The Christian: Specific traits found in the true Christian - Abuse: An ongoing discussion of all forms of abuse - God's House: A study of God's demands on the church body - and many more.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Spoiled Brat prevention

I've had several people write and ask, "How do you prevent a spoiled brat?"

Do you remember the movie "Karate Kid"? There's a scene in it where Miyagi gives Daniel a bonsai tree and some pruning sheers. Daniel asked, "How do I know where to cut?" Miyagi smiles and tells him to close his eyes and picture what he wants his tree to look like. "Do you have the picture in your mind?"


"Good, then open eye. Whatever is not picture - cut away."

That's a perfect example of what you need to do to prevent a spoiled brat. Like watering or feeding the plant there are some things you will need to do. You will need to be sure your child knows how to serve and take care of things and other people. They need to understand that other people have rights and that they need to help with chores. They need to understand that someone worked hard to make the money that provided their things and that it is their responsibility to that person to take care of the things his hard work purchased.

They must understand they do not deserve anything other than a loving home, food to eat, necessary clothes and a roof over their heads. Everything else is a gift and should be appreciated. They must learn to be thankful!

Everyone can look at bad behavior and tell when it's selfish and hurtful. If you see a child in the mall screaming and pitching a fit for some toy, what do you usually think? Spoiled - right?

When you see that behavior in your own child - cut that part away.

Have you ever heard a child yell at his parents or tell them to "shut up"? What do you think? Spoiled - right?

When you see that behavior in your own child - cut that part away.

What about if a child says, "That's not fair. I deserve this." Most people will think - no way. No one deserves anything unless they have truly worked for it and sometimes not even then.

When you see that behavior in your own child - cut that part away.

When you hear that some child has been mean to another at school by biting, hitting or calling them names - what do you think? Spoiled!

When you see that behavior in your own child - cut that part away.

"Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." --Prov. 22:6

There are two reasons so many parents are unable to help their child grow properly.

1. They believe totally ignorant psychiatrist and writers who only want to make a buck and are not really interested in helping children or the society they live in.

No child wants a permissive parent. As they grow children want to know the rules and how to navigate in society. When you give them everything they want, you prevent them from experiencing the satisfaction of achievement and the thrill of personal contentment. You forever condemn them to a life of misery. Since no one on the planet gets all the mind can imagine, they will be constantly disappointed and never truly happy. Deep happiness and contentment comes when we learn that the universe doesn't revolve around us and that who we are inside is far more important than what we have. When we learn to appreciate those around us and the things that we do have - we find joy.

Permissive parents teach their children that they can't be trusted. Every spoiled child I've ever encountered hates their parents - why? Because the child can't figure out how to navigate in this world and since the parents are their guide - they feel like they are to blame.

I've had several spoiled children attend my daycare and every time I've seen bad behavior (even at age 18mo.) I would take them to the couch and discuss it and develop (with the child) a plan to stop the behavior. I'd explain why it would not be tolerated and what we would do to stop it. I was never mean - but I was determined and stern. Everyone of those children loved me and many times cried because they had to go home to their parents. Why? Because they knew they could trust me for the truth. Don't lie to your children. If they are acting badly - tell them. Spankings alone will never handle a problem. Children want instruction and truth.

But psychiatrist and psychologist say not to hurt their little psychics. That's right. Don't scream at them. Don't beat them. Don't lock them outside the house. Don't tell them you hate them. Don't tell them you wish you had never had them.

But Do....tell them if they don't change their behavior other people won't like them and may not want them to come to a birthday party.

Do tell them that other people are watching them.

Do explain how other children around them feel about them and how they may avoid them for their behavior.

Do tell them to be good because that will change how others view them.

Do assure them that it is possible to obey the rules.

Do assure them that they do not have to have everything and that their life will be better with friends and loving siblings than it would ever be with toys.

Do let them know that what you are asking isn't impossible. They can do it. They can be successful. They can accomplish the task.

Be Honest! It won't hurt them. It will clip at the negative vines on the tree and make it a beautiful thing for others to be around.

What about guilt? No one should try to instill debilitating guilt. That's wrong. But any society has to have a certain amount of guilt in order to be successful. If none of us had any guilt, there would be mass murders, bank robberies, etc. and our society would be in chaos. Most of the crime that is committed is due to a lack of "proper" guilt or a healthy conscious. If you raise a child that is totally free from guilt, start saving now for his attorney. He will be in jail by the time he's 12 and you will be suffering from massive guilt for the horrible things he's done.

Every child needs to feel remorse and guilt if they have hurt someone else. No guilt means your child is a monster who doesn't care about anyone or anything - including YOU.

2. Lack of time. Parents are selfish themselves and would rather concentrate on their career or needs than to take the time to explain proper behavior to their children. They would rather look the other way or allow strangers to put up with a spoiled child than to take the time to instruct that child on proper behavior.

IT TAKES MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF TIME TO RAISE A WONDERFUL CHILD! If you skimp on that time you will reap the problems associated with your lack of time.

It all comes down to my one major pet peeve.

God gave your child to you - no one else. He expects you to train that child and present it to the world as a whole individual, capable of caring for others and doing his part to make this world better. God also gave you the capacity to love that child and he gave that child the capacity to understand that your instruction (like God's) is for his good. As long as you aren't a spoiled brat, as long as you know right from wrong, as long as you don't deal in anger or with a vengeful spirit and as long as you don't "provoke" your child to wrath - all should go well and you should be able to prevent a spoiled brat.

Any questions?

God loves you,


No comments: