Do you have situations in your life that hang like a storm cloud in the back of your mind?
Do you stare at the television and wish that some TV personalities were right and that giving to them would make all your worries disappear?
Do you wonder if you are getting pushed to the back of the line when God chooses which prayers will be answered?
It's not that you don't believe.
It's not that you don't have devotions or read your Bible.
It's not that you are breaking God's commandments.
Life is just hard and so much of the time you look to heaven and wonder, "What am I doing wrong? Is there something I've missed? What should I be doing to correct this issue?"
You aren't a bad person - you are just weary with the trials of life.
You are a positive person.
You believe that God CAN do anything.
You trust him with your life.
And yet.....there's that inner voice that cries out "What do you want from me? What do I do now?"
A young man named David has a wonderful answer for you. I think today I need the comfort his writing provides.
"To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse.
Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me, for you are good, O Lord.
Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of your name, O Lord, forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
Who then, is the man that fears the Lord?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
He will spend his days in prosperity, and his descendants will inherit the land.
The Lord confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare.
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins.
See how my enemies have increased and how fiercely they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you."
Psalm 25
Thank you King David for reminding me that if I keep my eyes on God he will not only instruct me on what to do he will also love and protect me.
I will pray for all of you and I hope you find comfort today.
God loves you,
Debbie
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Final lesson on Trust
The VIP of all relationships is TRUST.
I repeated that because it's so important. I've given you examples and tried to lay a framework for understanding trust. Every relationship, every relational issue will succeed or fail based on the level of trust.
I told you I would give you a list. Making that list has been a lot harder than I thought. Add to that some problems with my computer and it became even more difficult.
1. Children - They are born trusting you. They trust you to feed them and care for them. They trust you to be their protector and to provide for their needs. They trust you to teach them how to get along in this society. And they trust you to show them the way to a better life. Here's a few ways parents teach their children to mistrust them.
Don't yell at them or embarrass them in public. If you do, you become the enemy not the person they look to for guidance. By embarrassing them in public you have become a person who hurts not a person who protects.
Don't be a screamer at home for the same reasons. Also screaming teaches your child that you are out of control. How can you expect them to be "in control" if you are constantly "out of control."
Don't take away their childhood. Allow them to be their appropriate age. Always wanting them to act older than they are or to accept responsibility that's beyond their age will not only make them nervous - but will help them to mistrust you. If you push too hard, how can they trust you enough to understand their inner thoughts?
Don't betray their trust physically. It is your responsibility to protect that child. Think of yourself as a mother in the animal kingdom. You mess with any baby animal and that mother will fight you. My mom used to say that I reminded her of a lioness. Anyone messing with my cubs and I would pounce. I consider that a compliment. If you aren't that way and you allow others to hurt your child - your child won't trust you. And if you become the aggressor and hurt your child, it will be a long time before your child can trust you or anyone else.
2. Spouse - when you pledge your life to someone that requires trust on your part - but volumes of trust on their part. They have agreed to be linked to you for the rest of their lives. Whatever you do will affect them and sometimes will be worse for them than it is for you. When you allow mistrust to enter that sacred bond, you weaken your ability to love.
Be considerate. Treat your spouse "better" than you treat anyone else. Be willing to do little things for them and go out of your way to be kind.
Don't forget to say PLEASE AND THANK YOU. I think it's awful when spouses think it's okay to lose your manners at home. If your spouse takes the garbage out - YOU MUST SAY THANK YOU! When that wonderful spouse takes you out to dinner - don't forget to say THANK YOU! And men, if you have a wonderful wife who stays home and does all she can to provide good children and a beautiful home - it is your GOD GIVEN DUTY to say THANK YOU - OFTEN!
Don't take each other for granted.
My Dad, Dr. Ken Crocker has given many wonderful sermons on marriage. I will never forget one where he said "betrayal in a marriage is not limited to an affair. Anytime we betray our spouse in public by making fun of who they are or belittling what they do - we are guilty of infidelity.
Webster's defines infidelity: An unfaithful or disloyal act, unfaithfulness or disloyalty to another.
Wouldn't that cause mistrust? How can you trust someone who is selling your reputation up the river for the sake of a joke or a moment in the spotlight?
Be the greatest supporter of your spouse and they will not only trust you, they will give you undying love.
3. Your Church - how many times have you betrayed your church? Promised to stand by another member during a hard time, promised to pray - but you got busy and forgot. Promised to let others at work or in your neighborhood know about the church, but you were too embarrassed. How many times has someone asked you where you went to church and you acted like you were embarrassed to answer?
How many times have you disrespected God's house? Have you taught your children to be respectful?
A little soap box of mine. Why do we think we are opening up the heart of God more when we allow people to dress like bums when they attend church? We are saying to them, "Come hear about a man who gave his all for you. He died on a cross. He shed his blood. He loves you with everything he is and all he represents. And guess what? You can come and disrespect him all you want. You can wear tee shirts that proclaim ungodly things. You can wear your worst clothes, not shower, don't even brush your teeth or comb your hair. You can sit in church wrapped up in someone else or even sleep through the service. It's all okay, because even if he died for you - you can disrespect him all you want." We constantly preach that God is awesome and the greatest thing in heaven and on earth, but we allow them to disrespect him as if he were a bum sitting in the back of a public bus.
B A L O N E Y! I believe that if you truly love God he will love you back. But I also believe that if you truly love him you will WANT to give him all the respect he deserves. You will take a lesson from Cain and Able in Genesis and you will bring him your "BEST" fruits. You will clean up, dress up and act like somebody.
Phew!
Well, as you can see the list for taking TRUST into our everyday lives could go on forever. Just remember that real trust hides in the most unlikely places. Over the last few days I have notes for 137 ways we can expand TRUST and develop better relationships.
Here's my final tip. Ask yourself if your family or your friends were all sitting in a circle and talking about you - what would they say?
Would they say things like, "I could always count on her to be there."
"He never let me down. Every time I wanted to talk he was ready."
"If She made a promise, you could take it to the bank."
"He was the most trusted person I know."
"My life was better because I could TRUST her to be at her best."
"He supported me and never left my side. I TRUST him."
It really isn't hard you know. In any situation you face, ask yourself one question - if I were on the other side, what would I hope others would do? In other words, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
God loves you,
Debbie
I repeated that because it's so important. I've given you examples and tried to lay a framework for understanding trust. Every relationship, every relational issue will succeed or fail based on the level of trust.
I told you I would give you a list. Making that list has been a lot harder than I thought. Add to that some problems with my computer and it became even more difficult.
1. Children - They are born trusting you. They trust you to feed them and care for them. They trust you to be their protector and to provide for their needs. They trust you to teach them how to get along in this society. And they trust you to show them the way to a better life. Here's a few ways parents teach their children to mistrust them.
Don't yell at them or embarrass them in public. If you do, you become the enemy not the person they look to for guidance. By embarrassing them in public you have become a person who hurts not a person who protects.
Don't be a screamer at home for the same reasons. Also screaming teaches your child that you are out of control. How can you expect them to be "in control" if you are constantly "out of control."
Don't take away their childhood. Allow them to be their appropriate age. Always wanting them to act older than they are or to accept responsibility that's beyond their age will not only make them nervous - but will help them to mistrust you. If you push too hard, how can they trust you enough to understand their inner thoughts?
Don't betray their trust physically. It is your responsibility to protect that child. Think of yourself as a mother in the animal kingdom. You mess with any baby animal and that mother will fight you. My mom used to say that I reminded her of a lioness. Anyone messing with my cubs and I would pounce. I consider that a compliment. If you aren't that way and you allow others to hurt your child - your child won't trust you. And if you become the aggressor and hurt your child, it will be a long time before your child can trust you or anyone else.
2. Spouse - when you pledge your life to someone that requires trust on your part - but volumes of trust on their part. They have agreed to be linked to you for the rest of their lives. Whatever you do will affect them and sometimes will be worse for them than it is for you. When you allow mistrust to enter that sacred bond, you weaken your ability to love.
Be considerate. Treat your spouse "better" than you treat anyone else. Be willing to do little things for them and go out of your way to be kind.
Don't forget to say PLEASE AND THANK YOU. I think it's awful when spouses think it's okay to lose your manners at home. If your spouse takes the garbage out - YOU MUST SAY THANK YOU! When that wonderful spouse takes you out to dinner - don't forget to say THANK YOU! And men, if you have a wonderful wife who stays home and does all she can to provide good children and a beautiful home - it is your GOD GIVEN DUTY to say THANK YOU - OFTEN!
Don't take each other for granted.
My Dad, Dr. Ken Crocker has given many wonderful sermons on marriage. I will never forget one where he said "betrayal in a marriage is not limited to an affair. Anytime we betray our spouse in public by making fun of who they are or belittling what they do - we are guilty of infidelity.
Webster's defines infidelity: An unfaithful or disloyal act, unfaithfulness or disloyalty to another.
Wouldn't that cause mistrust? How can you trust someone who is selling your reputation up the river for the sake of a joke or a moment in the spotlight?
Be the greatest supporter of your spouse and they will not only trust you, they will give you undying love.
3. Your Church - how many times have you betrayed your church? Promised to stand by another member during a hard time, promised to pray - but you got busy and forgot. Promised to let others at work or in your neighborhood know about the church, but you were too embarrassed. How many times has someone asked you where you went to church and you acted like you were embarrassed to answer?
How many times have you disrespected God's house? Have you taught your children to be respectful?
A little soap box of mine. Why do we think we are opening up the heart of God more when we allow people to dress like bums when they attend church? We are saying to them, "Come hear about a man who gave his all for you. He died on a cross. He shed his blood. He loves you with everything he is and all he represents. And guess what? You can come and disrespect him all you want. You can wear tee shirts that proclaim ungodly things. You can wear your worst clothes, not shower, don't even brush your teeth or comb your hair. You can sit in church wrapped up in someone else or even sleep through the service. It's all okay, because even if he died for you - you can disrespect him all you want." We constantly preach that God is awesome and the greatest thing in heaven and on earth, but we allow them to disrespect him as if he were a bum sitting in the back of a public bus.
B A L O N E Y! I believe that if you truly love God he will love you back. But I also believe that if you truly love him you will WANT to give him all the respect he deserves. You will take a lesson from Cain and Able in Genesis and you will bring him your "BEST" fruits. You will clean up, dress up and act like somebody.
Phew!
Well, as you can see the list for taking TRUST into our everyday lives could go on forever. Just remember that real trust hides in the most unlikely places. Over the last few days I have notes for 137 ways we can expand TRUST and develop better relationships.
Here's my final tip. Ask yourself if your family or your friends were all sitting in a circle and talking about you - what would they say?
Would they say things like, "I could always count on her to be there."
"He never let me down. Every time I wanted to talk he was ready."
"If She made a promise, you could take it to the bank."
"He was the most trusted person I know."
"My life was better because I could TRUST her to be at her best."
"He supported me and never left my side. I TRUST him."
It really isn't hard you know. In any situation you face, ask yourself one question - if I were on the other side, what would I hope others would do? In other words, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
God loves you,
Debbie
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Trust - Lesson 2
"I accept what you are saying about trust, but I still don't understand why it's so important to humans to have trust. Why can't we just get over it and go on?"
When my youngest son Ken was about 4-years-old he started a very bad habit. Jamie was four years older, faster and had much cooler toys. Jamie was already getting into artistic projects and he had a lot of cool paints, chalks, brushes, etc. Jamie seemed to have a high tolerance for pain while Ken had developed some illnesses. Ken figured out that if he stretched the truth or even lied about a situation that he could get what he wanted. So for a few months we were faced with the following:
"Ken, I saw you in the closet. I know you had my stuff!"
"No I didn't."
Later we would find something broken and under his bed. "Kenneth!"
We didn't want to accuse him of lying but the evidence was strong. As parents we worried about insisting that he was wrong when he so adamantly assured us he was innocent. One of the worst things that can happen to any child is to be accused and blamed when you are truly innocent.
I tried several different ways of stressing honesty. Finally, the situation had escalated to the point to where no one believed anything he had to say. At age six I took him to the living room couch for a discussion.
I explained that we really didn't know for sure what was going on. I lingered on his accomplishments and accentuated how proud we were of all the good things in his life. Then I explained that everyone developed reputations. I talked about different people he knew and how they impressed him. One little girl had been a pest. For him at age 6 I asked the horrible question "How would you like to grow up and marry her?"
After a few ooooo's and oh yucks he shook his head with a "NO Way!"
"But why not? She's a beautiful little girl. And maybe by the time she's 18 she won't be that way any more."
Ken gave me a "yeah right" look and stated flatly, "Mom, she will always be that way. You just don't know her like I do."
After a few more examples, I broke into that little six-year-old heart. "Someday you are going to be old enough to drive. You are going to come to your Dad and ask to borrow the car. Your Dad isn't going to want to let just anyone drive his nice new car. There will be rules..."
Ken broke in..."I won't mind. I'll obey all the rules."
I smiled, "But by that time Ken, how can Dad trust you? If he says he doesn't want you to go over the speed limit and you agree not to; how can he truly be sure that you are telling him the truth. After all, if you misrepresent the truth about Jamie's paints, why wouldn't you misrepresent the truth about Dad's car. If I know your Dad, he probably will say no way - just because he won't trust you. Is that what you want?"
I still remember the look on Ken's face. I could see the wheels turning in his brain as he weighed the consequences. Finally he looked down at his hands and then back up at me. "I promise you Mom, anything I say from now on will be the truth no matter how much it hurts me."
"That's great Ken, but you have to understand this won't be easy. Jamie and Amie have lost trust in you and it will take them a long time to see you as Mr. Truthful. If you have any trouble with that, come to me and we will work out a solution."
I'm happy to say that from that moment on not only was Ken Mr. Truthful, but he became the truth police. Any embellishment for the sake of a joke or to make a story more dramatic and we heard the whistle of the truth police - "That's not really how it was, Mom. He wasn't crying, he just had one little tear."
Today, I would believe Ken over anyone I know. If he says it - It's gospel truth!
Trust goes deep into every part of our lives. I could give you examples all day long.
When a wife tells her husband she loves him more than anything, but can't seem to remember to pick up his laundry or give him 15 minutes of quiet coffee time in the morning - does she? Wouldn't you think that her love would go deep enough to put at least a few of his needs ahead of hers. Shouldn't he be able to Trust her to take care of him? And of course...vice versa!
The biggest reason I'm totally against premarital sex is because of hidden mistrust. What does it say to your fiance about your ability to be true to them if you have already had multiple partners. Whether or not it's a sin isn't as important as the loss of trust.
If a man or woman is so weak that they can't control their glands at 20 so that they can be true to a yet unknown spouse....how can they be trusted to be faithful once they know the spouse and their faults? Wouldn't it stand to reason that if they are displeased that they would be prone to move on?
Now don't get me wrong and don't go mistrusting your spouse. There are many men and women that are happily married and never stray. God has entered their lives and they have started anew. That's wonderful! Praise God!
But I submit that many marriages end or are stumbling on shaky ground because both partners mistrust the faithfulness of their spouse based on pre-marriage actions.
Trust even goes into our churches.
I know many people who are leaving churches they have attended for years. Why? They trusted the pastor and other members to be there when they needed help and were disappointed when they were forgotten. Breech of Trust just can't be tolerated. We expect those who love us to be trustworthy. When they aren't, we are devastated.
Luke 16:10 "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much."
As part of our social culture - well, any social culture here on earth - we constantly judge. (I'll save the judging lesson for another time) I don't want to argue the biblical point of judging other than to say that you should read the entire chapter on judging before quoting the verse "Judge not that you be not judged." What that scripture is actually saying is that we will be judged with or without mercy according to how we judge others.
The human fact is that we judge every day. We make decisions based on how we feel about those around us. Do I trust this doctor? That's a judgement based on his mannerisms or his credentials. Do I trust this pastor? Again a judgement.
When we meet someone new, we instantly make a judgement based on his appearance, his voice, his speech, his eyes. We decide within moments whether or not we want to continue the relationship.
Can you imagine a world where we didn't judge? Or where our ability to trust was eliminated? No one would be afraid of anyone else - but NO ONE COULD BE TRUSTED EITHER. Can you imagine the chaos that would bring?
Making proper judgements about people, situations and things is one of the most important talents we can develop. We better find out how to do it correctly. To help others judge us properly, we need to develop our character and reputation so others will perceive us as we want to be known. In other words, if you are living a lie - you deserve every bad thing that happens to you.
I love the old statement - "My word is my bond." That's a huge statement about Trust. It means that I can be trusted to follow through regardless of the personal pain it will cause. We need more trustworthy people in this world.
God can be trusted and as he followers we should be too. But how? Tune in tomorrow and I'll give you a list about being a trustworthy person.
And now a message from our sponsor : 1 Timothy 1:15-16
"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners -- of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life."
God loves you,
Debbie
When my youngest son Ken was about 4-years-old he started a very bad habit. Jamie was four years older, faster and had much cooler toys. Jamie was already getting into artistic projects and he had a lot of cool paints, chalks, brushes, etc. Jamie seemed to have a high tolerance for pain while Ken had developed some illnesses. Ken figured out that if he stretched the truth or even lied about a situation that he could get what he wanted. So for a few months we were faced with the following:
"Ken, I saw you in the closet. I know you had my stuff!"
"No I didn't."
Later we would find something broken and under his bed. "Kenneth!"
We didn't want to accuse him of lying but the evidence was strong. As parents we worried about insisting that he was wrong when he so adamantly assured us he was innocent. One of the worst things that can happen to any child is to be accused and blamed when you are truly innocent.
I tried several different ways of stressing honesty. Finally, the situation had escalated to the point to where no one believed anything he had to say. At age six I took him to the living room couch for a discussion.
I explained that we really didn't know for sure what was going on. I lingered on his accomplishments and accentuated how proud we were of all the good things in his life. Then I explained that everyone developed reputations. I talked about different people he knew and how they impressed him. One little girl had been a pest. For him at age 6 I asked the horrible question "How would you like to grow up and marry her?"
After a few ooooo's and oh yucks he shook his head with a "NO Way!"
"But why not? She's a beautiful little girl. And maybe by the time she's 18 she won't be that way any more."
Ken gave me a "yeah right" look and stated flatly, "Mom, she will always be that way. You just don't know her like I do."
After a few more examples, I broke into that little six-year-old heart. "Someday you are going to be old enough to drive. You are going to come to your Dad and ask to borrow the car. Your Dad isn't going to want to let just anyone drive his nice new car. There will be rules..."
Ken broke in..."I won't mind. I'll obey all the rules."
I smiled, "But by that time Ken, how can Dad trust you? If he says he doesn't want you to go over the speed limit and you agree not to; how can he truly be sure that you are telling him the truth. After all, if you misrepresent the truth about Jamie's paints, why wouldn't you misrepresent the truth about Dad's car. If I know your Dad, he probably will say no way - just because he won't trust you. Is that what you want?"
I still remember the look on Ken's face. I could see the wheels turning in his brain as he weighed the consequences. Finally he looked down at his hands and then back up at me. "I promise you Mom, anything I say from now on will be the truth no matter how much it hurts me."
"That's great Ken, but you have to understand this won't be easy. Jamie and Amie have lost trust in you and it will take them a long time to see you as Mr. Truthful. If you have any trouble with that, come to me and we will work out a solution."
I'm happy to say that from that moment on not only was Ken Mr. Truthful, but he became the truth police. Any embellishment for the sake of a joke or to make a story more dramatic and we heard the whistle of the truth police - "That's not really how it was, Mom. He wasn't crying, he just had one little tear."
Today, I would believe Ken over anyone I know. If he says it - It's gospel truth!
Trust goes deep into every part of our lives. I could give you examples all day long.
When a wife tells her husband she loves him more than anything, but can't seem to remember to pick up his laundry or give him 15 minutes of quiet coffee time in the morning - does she? Wouldn't you think that her love would go deep enough to put at least a few of his needs ahead of hers. Shouldn't he be able to Trust her to take care of him? And of course...vice versa!
The biggest reason I'm totally against premarital sex is because of hidden mistrust. What does it say to your fiance about your ability to be true to them if you have already had multiple partners. Whether or not it's a sin isn't as important as the loss of trust.
If a man or woman is so weak that they can't control their glands at 20 so that they can be true to a yet unknown spouse....how can they be trusted to be faithful once they know the spouse and their faults? Wouldn't it stand to reason that if they are displeased that they would be prone to move on?
Now don't get me wrong and don't go mistrusting your spouse. There are many men and women that are happily married and never stray. God has entered their lives and they have started anew. That's wonderful! Praise God!
But I submit that many marriages end or are stumbling on shaky ground because both partners mistrust the faithfulness of their spouse based on pre-marriage actions.
Trust even goes into our churches.
I know many people who are leaving churches they have attended for years. Why? They trusted the pastor and other members to be there when they needed help and were disappointed when they were forgotten. Breech of Trust just can't be tolerated. We expect those who love us to be trustworthy. When they aren't, we are devastated.
Luke 16:10 "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much."
As part of our social culture - well, any social culture here on earth - we constantly judge. (I'll save the judging lesson for another time) I don't want to argue the biblical point of judging other than to say that you should read the entire chapter on judging before quoting the verse "Judge not that you be not judged." What that scripture is actually saying is that we will be judged with or without mercy according to how we judge others.
The human fact is that we judge every day. We make decisions based on how we feel about those around us. Do I trust this doctor? That's a judgement based on his mannerisms or his credentials. Do I trust this pastor? Again a judgement.
When we meet someone new, we instantly make a judgement based on his appearance, his voice, his speech, his eyes. We decide within moments whether or not we want to continue the relationship.
Can you imagine a world where we didn't judge? Or where our ability to trust was eliminated? No one would be afraid of anyone else - but NO ONE COULD BE TRUSTED EITHER. Can you imagine the chaos that would bring?
Making proper judgements about people, situations and things is one of the most important talents we can develop. We better find out how to do it correctly. To help others judge us properly, we need to develop our character and reputation so others will perceive us as we want to be known. In other words, if you are living a lie - you deserve every bad thing that happens to you.
I love the old statement - "My word is my bond." That's a huge statement about Trust. It means that I can be trusted to follow through regardless of the personal pain it will cause. We need more trustworthy people in this world.
God can be trusted and as he followers we should be too. But how? Tune in tomorrow and I'll give you a list about being a trustworthy person.
And now a message from our sponsor : 1 Timothy 1:15-16
"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners -- of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life."
God loves you,
Debbie
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
TRUST - the VIP of relationships
I've received several e-mails about relationships. Not only do some of you want to know how to start a new relationship, some of you want to know how to repair a dysfunctional one. This subject will be continued for several posts.
The VIP (very important principle) of relationships is TRUST.
What your relationship will become depends on TRUST.
If you will even have a relationship depends on TRUST.
If you can be forgiven depends on TRUST.
And last but certainly not least, TRUE LOVE cannot exist without TRUST.
No other principle in a relationship is as powerful as TRUST. Let me give you some examples.
Your 10-year-old goes to school and is approached by some of the less desirable girls in the class. Since she isn't a teacher's pet and doesn't have designer clothes, they think she might be a candidate for their group. Both parents work and there's precious little time to talk with her so she gravitates to anyone that pays her attention. She's not part of the in group but desperately wants friends. She doesn't like a lot of the kids at church and feels left out at youth functions. You have disappointed her many times when you couldn't make it to special days and functions. You have taught her that work is far more important than she is. You've also taught her that no matter how bad she is hurting, if the schedule is full and everyone is rushing - you will not take time to talk to her. She will have to wait.
And since there is little time for talking and holding and just being together - she is confused by your bickering, nagging and pushing. She has lost your TRUST. She is wrong, but she feels the reason you push her so much is because you don't want to spend time with her. She can't wait for a better day when life is easier. She needs you now and doesn't think your success at work or the new house will ever make up for the pain she feels inside. She doesn't know how you really feel and your actions support the fact that you don't care.
This group is very anti-parent. They assure her that parents don't really care about their children. They fuss about the lack of love and understanding from parents and share their problems. They give her support. They lend an ear and say..."You can trust me. I won't betray you like your parents have." With trust gone, it is easy for her to look you in the eye and deny all love and all ties to the family.
You are stunned. You wonder how this happened. How could your sweet little 10-year-old daughter become so mean and angry?
Losing your trust in someone is as painful as death. Feeling that they have betrayed you or let you down leaves a huge wound that takes a long time to heal - if ever.
A big part of love is the feeling that we can run to that person when we are hurt. A big part of love is feeling that the person we run to can be trusted with our feelings, our battles, our hurts, our inner thoughts and our love. When we can no longer trust them, our world with them begins to crumble and fall apart.
Think of all the reasons marriages break up. I am positive that 90% of those reasons can be linked to loss of TRUST.
I asked one young lady that was preparing for divorce after only three years of marriage. "What would you do if he apologized and said it would never happen again? Would you take him back and simply wait and see if he could be a good husband?"
"I love him. I will always love him. There's a part of me that will never forget the love that we once had. But he's made a lot of promises and refused to keep them. He's enjoyed hurting me. He's been abusive and felt that he had that right. I just can't trust him. What if he is good for three years and then it's back to normal? What if I have a child by that time? What if he does those things to my child? I will always wonder if the next day or the next month will be the time he chooses to give up again and go back to the old ways. I will always wonder if some tragedy comes along will he feel pushed to hurt me again. I simply can't trust him. I forgive him, but I can't trust him."
Wow. Every parent, every child, every spouse, every employer, every pastor, every human being on the face of the earth should understand that principle.
When we lose trust.....the relationship deteriorates.
I recently talked to a very unhappy husband. He told me he had never been happy the entire 12 years of his marriage. His wife is verbally abusive and controlling. He doesn't want to leave because he is totally in love with his children. He would give his life to be sure they are safe. He is afraid if he leaves his wife would demand the children and might then turn her abuse to them. So, he stays. I asked how he was able to manage.
"I'm numb. I go through my day with one thought - to be a good Dad."
"Don't you feel you deserve love for yourself?"
"I could never be happy knowing my children were hurting. So I'm choosing which pain to endure. I kiss my wife and feel nothing. I go to bed with her and feel nothing. "
"What if I talked to her. Maybe I can get her to see what she is doing and how it is hurting you."
"No. I don't think that would work. She has made so many promises and they never happened. Even if she sees the pain she causes - it's only for a day or so and then it's back to normal. I just couldn't trust her. And if she didn't listen it would be worse for me. She would take out her pain on me and the children. No, I think it's best to leave things like they are. I can't trust her for any love or affection and I just couldn't take the pain of more disappointment when it didn't work."
TRUST
We need to TRUST our parents.
We need to TRUST our spouse.
We MUST TRUST our God.
We need to TRUST our leaders.
We need to TRUST our friends.
Of those five there is only one perfect TRUST
'Tis so sweet to Trust in Jesus,
Just to take him at his word.
Just to rest upon His promise;
Just to know "Thus saith the Lord."
Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him!
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!
I'm so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.
What ever your problems are, God has earned your TRUST. He sent his precious son Jesus to earth just for you. Your life, your family, your soul is safe with him. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will always be by your side. He wants you to make it and to come out of your trial successfully. He loves you more than anyone on the planet ever could.
Jesus has earned your TRUST and will be your dearest friend.
I'm here. Let me know if I can help.
God loves you,
Debbie
The VIP (very important principle) of relationships is TRUST.
What your relationship will become depends on TRUST.
If you will even have a relationship depends on TRUST.
If you can be forgiven depends on TRUST.
And last but certainly not least, TRUE LOVE cannot exist without TRUST.
No other principle in a relationship is as powerful as TRUST. Let me give you some examples.
Your 10-year-old goes to school and is approached by some of the less desirable girls in the class. Since she isn't a teacher's pet and doesn't have designer clothes, they think she might be a candidate for their group. Both parents work and there's precious little time to talk with her so she gravitates to anyone that pays her attention. She's not part of the in group but desperately wants friends. She doesn't like a lot of the kids at church and feels left out at youth functions. You have disappointed her many times when you couldn't make it to special days and functions. You have taught her that work is far more important than she is. You've also taught her that no matter how bad she is hurting, if the schedule is full and everyone is rushing - you will not take time to talk to her. She will have to wait.
And since there is little time for talking and holding and just being together - she is confused by your bickering, nagging and pushing. She has lost your TRUST. She is wrong, but she feels the reason you push her so much is because you don't want to spend time with her. She can't wait for a better day when life is easier. She needs you now and doesn't think your success at work or the new house will ever make up for the pain she feels inside. She doesn't know how you really feel and your actions support the fact that you don't care.
This group is very anti-parent. They assure her that parents don't really care about their children. They fuss about the lack of love and understanding from parents and share their problems. They give her support. They lend an ear and say..."You can trust me. I won't betray you like your parents have." With trust gone, it is easy for her to look you in the eye and deny all love and all ties to the family.
You are stunned. You wonder how this happened. How could your sweet little 10-year-old daughter become so mean and angry?
Losing your trust in someone is as painful as death. Feeling that they have betrayed you or let you down leaves a huge wound that takes a long time to heal - if ever.
A big part of love is the feeling that we can run to that person when we are hurt. A big part of love is feeling that the person we run to can be trusted with our feelings, our battles, our hurts, our inner thoughts and our love. When we can no longer trust them, our world with them begins to crumble and fall apart.
Think of all the reasons marriages break up. I am positive that 90% of those reasons can be linked to loss of TRUST.
I asked one young lady that was preparing for divorce after only three years of marriage. "What would you do if he apologized and said it would never happen again? Would you take him back and simply wait and see if he could be a good husband?"
"I love him. I will always love him. There's a part of me that will never forget the love that we once had. But he's made a lot of promises and refused to keep them. He's enjoyed hurting me. He's been abusive and felt that he had that right. I just can't trust him. What if he is good for three years and then it's back to normal? What if I have a child by that time? What if he does those things to my child? I will always wonder if the next day or the next month will be the time he chooses to give up again and go back to the old ways. I will always wonder if some tragedy comes along will he feel pushed to hurt me again. I simply can't trust him. I forgive him, but I can't trust him."
Wow. Every parent, every child, every spouse, every employer, every pastor, every human being on the face of the earth should understand that principle.
When we lose trust.....the relationship deteriorates.
I recently talked to a very unhappy husband. He told me he had never been happy the entire 12 years of his marriage. His wife is verbally abusive and controlling. He doesn't want to leave because he is totally in love with his children. He would give his life to be sure they are safe. He is afraid if he leaves his wife would demand the children and might then turn her abuse to them. So, he stays. I asked how he was able to manage.
"I'm numb. I go through my day with one thought - to be a good Dad."
"Don't you feel you deserve love for yourself?"
"I could never be happy knowing my children were hurting. So I'm choosing which pain to endure. I kiss my wife and feel nothing. I go to bed with her and feel nothing. "
"What if I talked to her. Maybe I can get her to see what she is doing and how it is hurting you."
"No. I don't think that would work. She has made so many promises and they never happened. Even if she sees the pain she causes - it's only for a day or so and then it's back to normal. I just couldn't trust her. And if she didn't listen it would be worse for me. She would take out her pain on me and the children. No, I think it's best to leave things like they are. I can't trust her for any love or affection and I just couldn't take the pain of more disappointment when it didn't work."
TRUST
We need to TRUST our parents.
We need to TRUST our spouse.
We MUST TRUST our God.
We need to TRUST our leaders.
We need to TRUST our friends.
Of those five there is only one perfect TRUST
'Tis so sweet to Trust in Jesus,
Just to take him at his word.
Just to rest upon His promise;
Just to know "Thus saith the Lord."
Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him!
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!
I'm so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.
What ever your problems are, God has earned your TRUST. He sent his precious son Jesus to earth just for you. Your life, your family, your soul is safe with him. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will always be by your side. He wants you to make it and to come out of your trial successfully. He loves you more than anyone on the planet ever could.
Jesus has earned your TRUST and will be your dearest friend.
I'm here. Let me know if I can help.
God loves you,
Debbie
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Daily Miracles
I have missed you! I may have said that before, but only because it truly expresses my heart. Every time I sit and write, I am thinking of each of you. I see faces and smiles and feel your burdens. So, yes....I have missed you.
Jamie is finally home and doing better. We first took him to my house for a couple of days so he could get used to a new routine. Then on to his house to put his new skills into place. It's very difficult for him to get around but he's strong and young and doing so much better. We certainly are grateful for God's love and protection - and for your prayers. Jamie is still having some pain and has three months of recovery ahead of him with another three months of therapy beyond that. But he is on the road to recovery and that's wonderful.
Over the last few days I've watched him. Probably more than he would like - but in a way that most mothers or fathers look at their child. I revel in every movement, every smile and every gesture that yells - "Hey Mom, I'm okay!"
This afternoon I was thinking about miracles and how so many people pray for "great" miracles in their lives. We want a new car or all our bills paid. Some people pray for fame or maybe just success at work.
I wondered....."How does God define a miracle?"
Perhaps a real miracle depends on the point of view.
Being able to tie your shoes can be a miracle for a five-year-old, especially if he has some handicap or disability.
Being able to clean your house may be an mountain of a miracle if you have triplets.
Having a troubled teen give you a hug before going to school might rank as a miracle.
Or maybe miracles can be even smaller. Maybe looking at someone who's been very sick and just noticing that they don't wince when they move a scarred leg can be somewhat of a miracle.
Maybe having an unsaved husband pass by your Bible without cursing is a full blown miracle.
Maybe being able to go outside and feel the sun on your face, take a deep breath and in that moment know that God himself looks down on you and smiles - yes, maybe that's the best miracle of all. Just knowing that there is a God and that he cares about you.
He does you know. He's not waiting for you to fail, he knows your going to fail. We all do.
He's not waiting for you to succeed either. He's just watching with love. That's all. Just like you and I watch our children and breathe a little easier with every new accomplishment.
When you forget to have devotions or go for days without reading the scriptures. When you shouldn't fuss but you did and now your child is walking away without your love. When you are so overloaded you snap and snarl at your spouse. When you just couldn't get the work done and you made up a lie to cover your tracks. When life seems to spin around you like a tornado and the debris is more than you could ever clean up.
Guess what? He still loves you. His arms are open wide and he says, "Come rest with me and I'll give you a daily miracle."
Does He take away your problems? No.
Does He cause everyone to fall at your feet and call you blessed? No.
Does he give you everything you want? No.
His miracle is that you see HIM. That you open your heart and your eyes for just a second and you catch a glimpse of Almighty God. In that moment you see life as it is and you feel as though you are a part of Him. Being a part of Him, removes everything else.
It's just for a moment, but in that moment you are refreshed.
God in all His Glory loves you. There's no greater miracle than that.
Close your eyes. Feel Him now.
God loves you.
Debbie
Jamie is finally home and doing better. We first took him to my house for a couple of days so he could get used to a new routine. Then on to his house to put his new skills into place. It's very difficult for him to get around but he's strong and young and doing so much better. We certainly are grateful for God's love and protection - and for your prayers. Jamie is still having some pain and has three months of recovery ahead of him with another three months of therapy beyond that. But he is on the road to recovery and that's wonderful.
Over the last few days I've watched him. Probably more than he would like - but in a way that most mothers or fathers look at their child. I revel in every movement, every smile and every gesture that yells - "Hey Mom, I'm okay!"
This afternoon I was thinking about miracles and how so many people pray for "great" miracles in their lives. We want a new car or all our bills paid. Some people pray for fame or maybe just success at work.
I wondered....."How does God define a miracle?"
Perhaps a real miracle depends on the point of view.
Being able to tie your shoes can be a miracle for a five-year-old, especially if he has some handicap or disability.
Being able to clean your house may be an mountain of a miracle if you have triplets.
Having a troubled teen give you a hug before going to school might rank as a miracle.
Or maybe miracles can be even smaller. Maybe looking at someone who's been very sick and just noticing that they don't wince when they move a scarred leg can be somewhat of a miracle.
Maybe having an unsaved husband pass by your Bible without cursing is a full blown miracle.
Maybe being able to go outside and feel the sun on your face, take a deep breath and in that moment know that God himself looks down on you and smiles - yes, maybe that's the best miracle of all. Just knowing that there is a God and that he cares about you.
He does you know. He's not waiting for you to fail, he knows your going to fail. We all do.
He's not waiting for you to succeed either. He's just watching with love. That's all. Just like you and I watch our children and breathe a little easier with every new accomplishment.
When you forget to have devotions or go for days without reading the scriptures. When you shouldn't fuss but you did and now your child is walking away without your love. When you are so overloaded you snap and snarl at your spouse. When you just couldn't get the work done and you made up a lie to cover your tracks. When life seems to spin around you like a tornado and the debris is more than you could ever clean up.
Guess what? He still loves you. His arms are open wide and he says, "Come rest with me and I'll give you a daily miracle."
Does He take away your problems? No.
Does He cause everyone to fall at your feet and call you blessed? No.
Does he give you everything you want? No.
His miracle is that you see HIM. That you open your heart and your eyes for just a second and you catch a glimpse of Almighty God. In that moment you see life as it is and you feel as though you are a part of Him. Being a part of Him, removes everything else.
It's just for a moment, but in that moment you are refreshed.
God in all His Glory loves you. There's no greater miracle than that.
Close your eyes. Feel Him now.
God loves you.
Debbie
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Miracles do happen!
Again I'm rushing back to the hospital, but since we haven't talked for a few days I had to take a moment and write.
I think I've told you that my parents are ministers. I'm an only child. I loved working by their side in the churches where they served as pastor. I don't have a great voice but it was adequate enough for me to sing. As a teenager my favorite solo was "It Took a Miracle" by John W. Peterson.
I've thought of that song several times over the last few days. When I last wrote I told you that Jamie's heart rate went up to 247 once and about 45 minutes later it went up to 210. Both times it came down to an appropriate level within several minutes.
What we learned the next day was that two small blood clots had passed through Jamie's heart. Had they been any larger, he would not be with us.
There have been a lot of prayers going up for Jamie. I was in the room when both incidents happened. Recalling the situation for other family members has been hard, but I have added something I didn't see at the time. Now in remembering I am aware that Jesus was standing beside my son and had the situation well in control.
The song "It took a Miracle" is actually referring to our salvation. But I also believe that Jesus is alive and well and many times is the author of miracles we need in our human lives. I am humbled to know that he takes the time to visit each of us and see to our needs.
Jesus is my friend.
Jesus is my comforter.
Jesus is my Lord and Savior.
Trusting Jesus with my life is the most comforting thing I can do.
I hope you know him today. I hope you feel his presence around you. I hope that you can trust him for the dangers you know about and for those that are lurking outside your knowledge.
I thank God with all my heart that he spared Jamie's life. I give him all the praise.
Copyright laws for songs expire in 50 years. I'm just under the wire with this one, but I hope you enjoy it's message.
It took a Miracle
by John W. Peterson
1. My father is omnipotent, and that you can't deny;
A God of might and miracles; 'Tis written in the sky.
Chorus:
It took a miracle to put the stars in place;
It took a miracle to hang the world in space.
But when He save my soul, cleansed and made me whole,
It took a miracle of love and grace.
2. Though here His glory has been shown, We still can't fully see
The wonders of His might, His throne; 'Twill take eternity.
3. The Bible tells us of his pow'r and wisdom all way through,
And every little bird and flow'r are testimonies, too.
If God is the author of all the beauties of nature - He is surely powerful enough to guard, protect and direct our lives.
God loves you,
Debbie
Friday, August 10, 2007
God's arms
I'm rushing back to the hospital. I was able to sleep for a few hours, but I need to get back. I wanted to take a moment and let you know how grateful I am for your friendship and all your prayers.
Jamie is doing good, but we had a little scare last night. His heart rate spiked to over 240. Within minutes it returned to normal. They are doing multiple tests to be sure he's okay.
Driving home I was reminded of a sermon I heard. I think it was Tony Evans. He said he took his 3 year old son to the doctor. Everything was fine but he needed a shot. They tried to explain it and prepare the child for the shot, but when the nurse came at him with a needle he began to scream. His Dad was holding him and the child grabbed at his neck and tried to crawl closer - as if that were possible.
Rev. Evans calmly repeated, "It's okay son. Just hold on to me. It will be over soon."
His point was that when we are in trouble and life scares us, the best thing we can do is to hold on to our heavenly Father as tightly as we can. Perhaps he can't take the trouble away, but if you listen real close you'll hear him say,
"It's okay. Just hold on to me. It will be over soon."
God loves you,
Debbie
Jamie is doing good, but we had a little scare last night. His heart rate spiked to over 240. Within minutes it returned to normal. They are doing multiple tests to be sure he's okay.
Driving home I was reminded of a sermon I heard. I think it was Tony Evans. He said he took his 3 year old son to the doctor. Everything was fine but he needed a shot. They tried to explain it and prepare the child for the shot, but when the nurse came at him with a needle he began to scream. His Dad was holding him and the child grabbed at his neck and tried to crawl closer - as if that were possible.
Rev. Evans calmly repeated, "It's okay son. Just hold on to me. It will be over soon."
His point was that when we are in trouble and life scares us, the best thing we can do is to hold on to our heavenly Father as tightly as we can. Perhaps he can't take the trouble away, but if you listen real close you'll hear him say,
"It's okay. Just hold on to me. It will be over soon."
God loves you,
Debbie
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Why Family & Friends? Jamie's update
Good morning everyone. Thank you for all your prayers. It has meant so much to our family to know that you were praying for us. Jamie is doing better. The surgery was a success but about 45 minutes longer than expected. Once the surgeon opened the knee it was worst than he thought.
We are all very grateful to God and to the skill of the surgeon that Jamie is going to be okay.
There was a point yesterday when I was in the waiting room alone. The surgery was done in a surgery center of the hospital. The waiting room was an enormous oval with about 75 chairs and tables lining the windows along one side. The chairs were set in groups. On one side was a family of 6 talking about their loved one. They ooooed and ahhhed over an infant and every so often raised their voices in laughter. One lady about my age held the hand of an older woman the entire time. Every so often she would pat her and give her a reassuring smile.
To my right was a round table with 8 people playing some sort of card game. The children were mannerly as five more adults lingered on the outside of the circle. In another corner were three people with very long faces. They held hands and bowed their heads in prayer as tears rolled down heavy faces.
For a moment I felt great sorrow for people who sit alone. I wondered how anyone could bear the burden of this situation and have no one to share it with. I began to cry. A little for myself but mostly for the many people in life who are alone during a stressful situation. I have a wonderful family that would return in a few moments and share my pain, but what about those who don't?
As tears ran down my cheeks I remembered a song. "I'll never be lonely again, never again. I have opened my hearts door to you. You have wiped away my tears and I'll forget my foolish fears. I'll never be lonely again, never again."
When we feel like life is too hard to bear, Jesus is there.
We are not alone.
He is there.
If you feel like you are alone in life, lean on Jesus. He is always there.
And if you aren't alone - be thankful for your family and friends. I love my family and friends for the fun we have, the joy in being together and the love between us. But the support during hard times makes me proud. It's as if during that time they actually take on wings. In Jamie's room we prayed and felt helpless as we watched him deal with the pain. Two faces appeared in the doorway.
"Hi, just thought we would stop by and say hello." Our friends, Gary and Viki stayed for a while. They prayed, they talked, they hugged us. And for that time, even Jamie sighed. The burden was lighter and we all felt better.
Why did God created Family and Friends? To love, to enjoy and to share not only the good - but comfort for the bad.
God loves you,
Debbie
We are all very grateful to God and to the skill of the surgeon that Jamie is going to be okay.
There was a point yesterday when I was in the waiting room alone. The surgery was done in a surgery center of the hospital. The waiting room was an enormous oval with about 75 chairs and tables lining the windows along one side. The chairs were set in groups. On one side was a family of 6 talking about their loved one. They ooooed and ahhhed over an infant and every so often raised their voices in laughter. One lady about my age held the hand of an older woman the entire time. Every so often she would pat her and give her a reassuring smile.
To my right was a round table with 8 people playing some sort of card game. The children were mannerly as five more adults lingered on the outside of the circle. In another corner were three people with very long faces. They held hands and bowed their heads in prayer as tears rolled down heavy faces.
For a moment I felt great sorrow for people who sit alone. I wondered how anyone could bear the burden of this situation and have no one to share it with. I began to cry. A little for myself but mostly for the many people in life who are alone during a stressful situation. I have a wonderful family that would return in a few moments and share my pain, but what about those who don't?
As tears ran down my cheeks I remembered a song. "I'll never be lonely again, never again. I have opened my hearts door to you. You have wiped away my tears and I'll forget my foolish fears. I'll never be lonely again, never again."
When we feel like life is too hard to bear, Jesus is there.
We are not alone.
He is there.
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27
If you feel like you are alone in life, lean on Jesus. He is always there.
And if you aren't alone - be thankful for your family and friends. I love my family and friends for the fun we have, the joy in being together and the love between us. But the support during hard times makes me proud. It's as if during that time they actually take on wings. In Jamie's room we prayed and felt helpless as we watched him deal with the pain. Two faces appeared in the doorway.
"Hi, just thought we would stop by and say hello." Our friends, Gary and Viki stayed for a while. They prayed, they talked, they hugged us. And for that time, even Jamie sighed. The burden was lighter and we all felt better.
Why did God created Family and Friends? To love, to enjoy and to share not only the good - but comfort for the bad.
God loves you,
Debbie
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
The Smell of Jesus
I have a lot of relatives and friends that I could probably identify with my eyes closed. They wouldn't have to say a word, but if they came in the room - I would know it.
They have a smell.
I have an Aunt Betty who lives up to her name. Her full name is Betty Crocker. Not the Betty Crocker, but she's a wonderful cook just the same. I know she cooks a lot and maybe she uses a lot of vanilla. When I hug her I feel like fresh summer days, lemonade and warm baked pies cooling on the window sill.
My Grandmother Craft had a distinct smell. She smelled like old leather. The only leather thing she had was her Bible. Since she was an evangelist and built six churches, I know she read her Bible every day.
My Dad smelled like a bold scented cologne. I don't remember the name. Whenever I was sick or frustrated with the world, he would pick me up and hug me. For hours after he was gone I could smell his cologne and I was comforted.
There's several stories circulating the web about children reaching out for Jesus in difficult times. One story was about a small child that wasn't expected to live. She was in intensive care for months. Miraculously she recovered. Several years later she was sitting at her brother's baseball game. A fresh breeze brushed over them bringing scents of flowers and the freshness that announced rain was on it's way. The little girl grabbed at her mother's sleeve. "It's him."
"It's who?"
"Don't you smell that? It's the smell of Jesus. When I was so sick he held me and that's what he smells like."
Max Lucado tells the story of a small missionary child being rushed to the hospital. Laying on the front seat of the car with his head in his mother's lap, he would raise his hand toward the sky. His mother gently took it and returned it to his chest. Just a few moments and he raised his hand again, this time when his mother reached for it - he fought her.
With concern for his well being she softly whispered. "It's okay darling. We are getting you to the doctor as soon as possible." Again he fought her hand and in his weak voice whispered.
"It's him....I want to hold his hand."
"Who?"
"Jesus. I need to hold his hand."
How wonderful that small children and often those that are dying can remind us that we are not alone. There are others watching - especially Jesus.
When I'm hurt I often look out my sliding glass door at the stars above. Everyone wants to see God as living in a far away unreachable place. They point and say, "He's up there somewhere in the sky." I only smile at the stars because I know different.
He's here.
Walking around us.
Holding out his hands.
And whispering in our ears.
Jamie is going to have major surgery tomorrow. Please pray for him. He is alive and well and we are so grateful. But his hand will need a pin to hold the pinky bone in place while it heals. And his tibia will need a metal plate, screws and possibly a bone graft. He will have 3-6 months of recovery time. He's a good man, a good Christian and an honest business man.
Tomorrow I will be sitting in the waiting room with Ken and Ron. At some point I will cross my arms around my chest, close my eyes and take a deep breath. It is at that moment that I hope Jesus and his angels will rush away from me and into the surgery room. They will watch and carefully guide each movement.
When they rush to Jamie's side, the breath I take will fill my lungs with a deep fresh aroma of their scent. The smell of a loving and compassionate savior.
Close your eyes. No matter what your pain let your senses reveal the sweetness of a loving God.
God loves you,
Debbie
They have a smell.
I have an Aunt Betty who lives up to her name. Her full name is Betty Crocker. Not the Betty Crocker, but she's a wonderful cook just the same. I know she cooks a lot and maybe she uses a lot of vanilla. When I hug her I feel like fresh summer days, lemonade and warm baked pies cooling on the window sill.
My Grandmother Craft had a distinct smell. She smelled like old leather. The only leather thing she had was her Bible. Since she was an evangelist and built six churches, I know she read her Bible every day.
My Dad smelled like a bold scented cologne. I don't remember the name. Whenever I was sick or frustrated with the world, he would pick me up and hug me. For hours after he was gone I could smell his cologne and I was comforted.
There's several stories circulating the web about children reaching out for Jesus in difficult times. One story was about a small child that wasn't expected to live. She was in intensive care for months. Miraculously she recovered. Several years later she was sitting at her brother's baseball game. A fresh breeze brushed over them bringing scents of flowers and the freshness that announced rain was on it's way. The little girl grabbed at her mother's sleeve. "It's him."
"It's who?"
"Don't you smell that? It's the smell of Jesus. When I was so sick he held me and that's what he smells like."
Max Lucado tells the story of a small missionary child being rushed to the hospital. Laying on the front seat of the car with his head in his mother's lap, he would raise his hand toward the sky. His mother gently took it and returned it to his chest. Just a few moments and he raised his hand again, this time when his mother reached for it - he fought her.
With concern for his well being she softly whispered. "It's okay darling. We are getting you to the doctor as soon as possible." Again he fought her hand and in his weak voice whispered.
"It's him....I want to hold his hand."
"Who?"
"Jesus. I need to hold his hand."
How wonderful that small children and often those that are dying can remind us that we are not alone. There are others watching - especially Jesus.
When I'm hurt I often look out my sliding glass door at the stars above. Everyone wants to see God as living in a far away unreachable place. They point and say, "He's up there somewhere in the sky." I only smile at the stars because I know different.
He's here.
Walking around us.
Holding out his hands.
And whispering in our ears.
Jamie is going to have major surgery tomorrow. Please pray for him. He is alive and well and we are so grateful. But his hand will need a pin to hold the pinky bone in place while it heals. And his tibia will need a metal plate, screws and possibly a bone graft. He will have 3-6 months of recovery time. He's a good man, a good Christian and an honest business man.
Tomorrow I will be sitting in the waiting room with Ken and Ron. At some point I will cross my arms around my chest, close my eyes and take a deep breath. It is at that moment that I hope Jesus and his angels will rush away from me and into the surgery room. They will watch and carefully guide each movement.
When they rush to Jamie's side, the breath I take will fill my lungs with a deep fresh aroma of their scent. The smell of a loving and compassionate savior.
Close your eyes. No matter what your pain let your senses reveal the sweetness of a loving God.
God loves you,
Debbie
Sunday, August 5, 2007
God answered my prayer!
When does God answer your prayer? Did you pray something a week ago that is just now receiving his attention?
Have you ever prayed a prayer in a general way and found that 30 years later God remembered your prayer and answered it in a miraculous way?
I think that God is more loving than any human can comprehend mainly because of one attribute. He never forgets.
Moms and Dads love their children, but sometimes we forget. We forget that the tooth is under the pillow. We forget that the book sale money is due today. We forget that Joe's party is this week-end.
Lovers have great passion for each other, but sometimes they forget. They forget birthdays and anniversaries. They forget what you were wearing when you first kissed. They forget your song and they forget to ask your best friend about her dog.
Pastors love their congregations, but they forget. Employers love their business, but they forget. Presidents say they love their countries and yet they can't know it all.
Who does? God does. He remembers who you are and what you are doing and every prayer that you have prayed.
How do I know? Because, I've even forgotten what I prayed and when. Yet, I've watched God answer them anyway.
This week-end is a perfect example. My husband and two sons love motorcycles. Jamie is 30 and Ken is 26. They decided last year that they wanted a week-end every summer with their father. How wonderful! But to make it more fun, they made it a week-end of riding motorcycles to some fun spot. Last year they rode through southern Ohio on winding back roads. This year was to be a trip to northern Ohio that included a stop over in Toledo to visit their Uncle.
They left Friday morning all smiles and excited. I stood in the driveway and waved as they drove off. Walking to the mailbox I whispered. "Keep them safe Lord." I've prayed that prayer hundreds of times and nothing has happened. I didn't emphasize it this time because I knew the ride would be fairly short and they are all three very careful drivers.
They were six miles from the hotel. Ron rolled a bit on the exit to begin his merge into an expressway lane. He stopped because it wasn't clear. Jamie was rolling behind him and when Ron stopped Jamie tried - but the breaks locked up and pitched the bike. Jamie had to lay it down on the left side.
Here's where God sent Angels that were prayed for long ago. God took every part of the accident into consideration and made adjustments for Jamie's safety. Jamie was only going about 15-20 mph. So the impact wasn't that hard. The bike he rented had an engine guard that kept it from laying on his leg. And....while Jamie was riding earlier in the day he had pulled out a peg that was for a passenger so he could stretch his legs back. (He's 6'3" and his legs get cramped easily.) Those two pieces kept the bike from getting too scratched and it also kept the bike above Jamie's leg.
Although Ron and Ken was scared for Jamie and had a hard time watching the events - Jamie was spared major injuries.
Here's even more......When the accident occurred, Ron and Ken said people came from everywhere. What was a busy exit bustled with activity from angels of mercy. Seven people stood around helping. One person was an off duty EMT. He was carrying first aid with him. Another was an off duty corrections officer who also had first aid. One of the other witnesses also had a first aid kit. They bustled around Jamie and had him secured in moments. Thank you - for all the angels that helped him!
Ron, Jamie and Ken all three wear full face helmets. There were no injuries to Jamie's head whatsoever!
Another person on the scene offered to take care of the bike. The bike was rented from a Harley Davidson place here in town. The accident was in Toledo. Ron was worried about Jamie and didn't want to have to worry about the bike as well. "Who are you and where are you from," he snapped while watching the men work on Jamie.
"Sir, I'm sorry. I work at the Harley Davidson store."
Ron puzzled, "Where?"
"We are just across the street." He pointed to the huge store about 100 yards away. "I'll be glad to help you." Ron was relieved that without even so much as a small prayer, God was taking care of that part of the problem.
The police arrived in about 4 minutes and an ambulance in about 6 minutes.
Jamie has a fractured bone in his left hand and a fracture on the top of his left tibia (leg bone at the knee cap). It could have been much worse.
He's a wedding photographer. But for the next two weeks he doesn't have a wedding. Knowing that it will be six weeks recovery he worried all the way home how he was going to cover the other times. He can use his right hand, but it will be difficult to get around. His assistant could help - but not if she is scheduled on the same week-ends. After he checked the schedule, he smiled. Another unspoken prayer had been answered. For the next six weeks they aren't scheduled on the same days. She will be able to go with him and help him until he is recovered.
I've been thinking about it all day. Actually since I found out about it Friday evening.
God heard my prayers when the children were tiny and he's still hearing my prayers of "Please keep them safe". But I'm also grateful when he answers the prayer of "Go with them and guard them."
Did an angel gently stop Ron from going out on the highway because the danger would have been greater down the road? Did an angel hurry others along so they would be in place to help Jamie when he fell? How many times a day do we "avoid" danger because God is answering a prayer from yesterday?
I understand that sometimes tragedies happen anyway. Good people suffer and life is hard, yet there are times like Jamie's. I was watching a small news clip interview with a mother and her child from the bus on the collapsed bridge in Minneapolis. She said, "If it hadn't been for the grace of God and a few seconds, the bus could have been crushed and my child wouldn't be here."
The loving Grace of God. How wonderful that we have a loving God. Never underestimate the power of prayer! Pray often for every member of your family, for every problem you see and especially for those you don't see.
God loves you,
Debbie
Have you ever prayed a prayer in a general way and found that 30 years later God remembered your prayer and answered it in a miraculous way?
I think that God is more loving than any human can comprehend mainly because of one attribute. He never forgets.
Moms and Dads love their children, but sometimes we forget. We forget that the tooth is under the pillow. We forget that the book sale money is due today. We forget that Joe's party is this week-end.
Lovers have great passion for each other, but sometimes they forget. They forget birthdays and anniversaries. They forget what you were wearing when you first kissed. They forget your song and they forget to ask your best friend about her dog.
Pastors love their congregations, but they forget. Employers love their business, but they forget. Presidents say they love their countries and yet they can't know it all.
Who does? God does. He remembers who you are and what you are doing and every prayer that you have prayed.
How do I know? Because, I've even forgotten what I prayed and when. Yet, I've watched God answer them anyway.
This week-end is a perfect example. My husband and two sons love motorcycles. Jamie is 30 and Ken is 26. They decided last year that they wanted a week-end every summer with their father. How wonderful! But to make it more fun, they made it a week-end of riding motorcycles to some fun spot. Last year they rode through southern Ohio on winding back roads. This year was to be a trip to northern Ohio that included a stop over in Toledo to visit their Uncle.
They left Friday morning all smiles and excited. I stood in the driveway and waved as they drove off. Walking to the mailbox I whispered. "Keep them safe Lord." I've prayed that prayer hundreds of times and nothing has happened. I didn't emphasize it this time because I knew the ride would be fairly short and they are all three very careful drivers.
They were six miles from the hotel. Ron rolled a bit on the exit to begin his merge into an expressway lane. He stopped because it wasn't clear. Jamie was rolling behind him and when Ron stopped Jamie tried - but the breaks locked up and pitched the bike. Jamie had to lay it down on the left side.
Here's where God sent Angels that were prayed for long ago. God took every part of the accident into consideration and made adjustments for Jamie's safety. Jamie was only going about 15-20 mph. So the impact wasn't that hard. The bike he rented had an engine guard that kept it from laying on his leg. And....while Jamie was riding earlier in the day he had pulled out a peg that was for a passenger so he could stretch his legs back. (He's 6'3" and his legs get cramped easily.) Those two pieces kept the bike from getting too scratched and it also kept the bike above Jamie's leg.
Although Ron and Ken was scared for Jamie and had a hard time watching the events - Jamie was spared major injuries.
Here's even more......When the accident occurred, Ron and Ken said people came from everywhere. What was a busy exit bustled with activity from angels of mercy. Seven people stood around helping. One person was an off duty EMT. He was carrying first aid with him. Another was an off duty corrections officer who also had first aid. One of the other witnesses also had a first aid kit. They bustled around Jamie and had him secured in moments. Thank you - for all the angels that helped him!
Ron, Jamie and Ken all three wear full face helmets. There were no injuries to Jamie's head whatsoever!
Another person on the scene offered to take care of the bike. The bike was rented from a Harley Davidson place here in town. The accident was in Toledo. Ron was worried about Jamie and didn't want to have to worry about the bike as well. "Who are you and where are you from," he snapped while watching the men work on Jamie.
"Sir, I'm sorry. I work at the Harley Davidson store."
Ron puzzled, "Where?"
"We are just across the street." He pointed to the huge store about 100 yards away. "I'll be glad to help you." Ron was relieved that without even so much as a small prayer, God was taking care of that part of the problem.
The police arrived in about 4 minutes and an ambulance in about 6 minutes.
Jamie has a fractured bone in his left hand and a fracture on the top of his left tibia (leg bone at the knee cap). It could have been much worse.
He's a wedding photographer. But for the next two weeks he doesn't have a wedding. Knowing that it will be six weeks recovery he worried all the way home how he was going to cover the other times. He can use his right hand, but it will be difficult to get around. His assistant could help - but not if she is scheduled on the same week-ends. After he checked the schedule, he smiled. Another unspoken prayer had been answered. For the next six weeks they aren't scheduled on the same days. She will be able to go with him and help him until he is recovered.
I've been thinking about it all day. Actually since I found out about it Friday evening.
God heard my prayers when the children were tiny and he's still hearing my prayers of "Please keep them safe". But I'm also grateful when he answers the prayer of "Go with them and guard them."
Did an angel gently stop Ron from going out on the highway because the danger would have been greater down the road? Did an angel hurry others along so they would be in place to help Jamie when he fell? How many times a day do we "avoid" danger because God is answering a prayer from yesterday?
I understand that sometimes tragedies happen anyway. Good people suffer and life is hard, yet there are times like Jamie's. I was watching a small news clip interview with a mother and her child from the bus on the collapsed bridge in Minneapolis. She said, "If it hadn't been for the grace of God and a few seconds, the bus could have been crushed and my child wouldn't be here."
The loving Grace of God. How wonderful that we have a loving God. Never underestimate the power of prayer! Pray often for every member of your family, for every problem you see and especially for those you don't see.
God loves you,
Debbie
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Minneapolis Bridge Collapse
My heart is breaking for every victim of this tragedy. I hope you will join me in prayer for not only the victims, but their families as well.
I appreciate Fox News for having a priest on the morning Fox & Friends show. Rather than just talking about the frightening pictures, they talked about praying for people and the comfort that ministers would provide. They also reported that faith was always important during this type of tragedy.
I was wondering about all the different aspects of this kind of situation and if there was anything we need to learn.
Remember the old adage, "Never go to bed angry." When Ron and I were engaged (married 33 years ago August 9th) everyone that shook our hands reminded us that the most important part of a great marriage was "never go to bed angry."
It's in times like these that I think of that philosophy. I've always thought it was important to send my husband and our children off for the day with a good attitude. I wanted them to remember home with a smile. So, no matter what was happening in the morning, I tried to stay calm - let it go and then kiss them and let them have a good day. Problems can always be handled later. Harsh words or demands for compliance can be and should be dealt with when the family isn't running out to work or school.
That type of philosophy keeps you from all the regrets that some people experience when their last words were angry.
PARENTS - please remember "take away" is important. Life can change on a dime. Prepare for it by leaving the presence of a loved one with words of love. Let your loved one "take away" your love for the day. Don't deny them the power of your love so they can be their best at work or at school.
I understand that there are some relationships that are one sided and the "angry" person often won't let you leave in peace. That's just wrong. Even during a bad marriage or in dealing with a delinquent child.....leave their presence in peace if at all possible. Either reinforce that you "do" love them or at least say kind words like - "I do hope we can work this out later. I hope you have a good day."
There's another saying that's always meant a lot to me. I was about ten years old. Dad took me out to eat. I was excited because it was the two of us and I would have his full attention. We walked into the restaurant and he pointed to a sign.
"60 seconds of anger is 60 seconds of happiness lost"
I've never forgotten that. Nothing in my world could be so important that I would waste 60 seconds of happiness with a loved one. If a simple "I'm sorry" brings me back into the zone of happiness why wouldn't I want to say it. If a simple hug and a smile brings my child back into love with the possibility of having a good day and remembering how much I love them....why wouldn't I want to do that....and do it NOW!
I hope everyone that reads this blog will take a moment and commit to this pledge.
"I make a life time commitment to leave everyone I know and love with a smile and the knowledge that I love them very much. God please help me not to concentrate on the little things but to remember the love. Please help me to never trade a happy memory for the momentary release of anger."
Please God be with all the families and friends of those who are hurt or lost their lives in this tragedy.
God loves you,
Debbie
I appreciate Fox News for having a priest on the morning Fox & Friends show. Rather than just talking about the frightening pictures, they talked about praying for people and the comfort that ministers would provide. They also reported that faith was always important during this type of tragedy.
I was wondering about all the different aspects of this kind of situation and if there was anything we need to learn.
Remember the old adage, "Never go to bed angry." When Ron and I were engaged (married 33 years ago August 9th) everyone that shook our hands reminded us that the most important part of a great marriage was "never go to bed angry."
It's in times like these that I think of that philosophy. I've always thought it was important to send my husband and our children off for the day with a good attitude. I wanted them to remember home with a smile. So, no matter what was happening in the morning, I tried to stay calm - let it go and then kiss them and let them have a good day. Problems can always be handled later. Harsh words or demands for compliance can be and should be dealt with when the family isn't running out to work or school.
That type of philosophy keeps you from all the regrets that some people experience when their last words were angry.
PARENTS - please remember "take away" is important. Life can change on a dime. Prepare for it by leaving the presence of a loved one with words of love. Let your loved one "take away" your love for the day. Don't deny them the power of your love so they can be their best at work or at school.
I understand that there are some relationships that are one sided and the "angry" person often won't let you leave in peace. That's just wrong. Even during a bad marriage or in dealing with a delinquent child.....leave their presence in peace if at all possible. Either reinforce that you "do" love them or at least say kind words like - "I do hope we can work this out later. I hope you have a good day."
There's another saying that's always meant a lot to me. I was about ten years old. Dad took me out to eat. I was excited because it was the two of us and I would have his full attention. We walked into the restaurant and he pointed to a sign.
"60 seconds of anger is 60 seconds of happiness lost"
I've never forgotten that. Nothing in my world could be so important that I would waste 60 seconds of happiness with a loved one. If a simple "I'm sorry" brings me back into the zone of happiness why wouldn't I want to say it. If a simple hug and a smile brings my child back into love with the possibility of having a good day and remembering how much I love them....why wouldn't I want to do that....and do it NOW!
I hope everyone that reads this blog will take a moment and commit to this pledge.
"I make a life time commitment to leave everyone I know and love with a smile and the knowledge that I love them very much. God please help me not to concentrate on the little things but to remember the love. Please help me to never trade a happy memory for the momentary release of anger."
Please God be with all the families and friends of those who are hurt or lost their lives in this tragedy.
God loves you,
Debbie
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Why is my child out of control?
That's a huge question.
Many parents wrestle with the problem of "out of control" children. Whether they are two or 14 - it's never an easy thing to watch.
I present a two hour class on each of the following topics. These classes help to bring the problem down to size and help you create a plan that will keep your child calm and your own self-esteem in line.
Parenting is the only job we do that is almost 90% on the job training. It's also the only job that is all over the place. You can tackle one issue over here only to have another slightly related one blow up in your face. As parents we literally have to have our hands into everything at first and We have to purposely march from total control (small infants) to no control (adults). We must properly judge when to start letting go of some problems so our children can practice without ruining their lives. Parenting is the only job where the goal is to work yourself out of a position.
Tall order.
Let me bring it down to size for you. The most important thing to remember is to follow the rule of "age (or mental) appropriate".
You will probably understand what I mean if I just give you some examples.
I've watched children in restaurants have a complete meltdown trying to order. The parents are so frustrated they vow to never take the child out again. That's not good. Every child (especially in this "eat out" society) needs to understand and practice good manners in public.
I've also had many parents ask for help to simply get their child dressed in the morning. They say it's an all out fight to pick proper clothes.
Until school age and possibly (depending on the child) a little after, children can be overwhelmed by choices. Take a stroll through an older home - say 30-40's. Notice how small the closets were? Everything seems so small. Cabinets, rooms and even bathrooms. Think about how children were at that time. Quiet, mannerly and usually not at all frustrated by what they didn't have.
Why?
Two reasons. First, people had lived through the depression and were grateful to be alive. A popular statement to the children was, "You have so much to be thankful for."
Second, it is my belief that children become frustrated when they are asked to make decisions that their little psyche isn't ready for. During the 30-40's children were given very few decisions. They had chores to do and requirements on their lives, but choices began very slowly in their lives and built to full management as they were ready for them. Could it be that's why men and women were able to make choices about mates so quickly? Were they properly prepared to make "good" decisions?
When a two year old starts the day with, "What do you want to wear today?" and he looks up at a two door closet stuffed full of clothes and a huge dresser with even more....his little mind has a hard time making decisions. This then becomes an hour long fight. Because he is spoiled? No...because he is confused and doesn't know how to explain his feelings to you. So he does his best to respond to you with, "I want to wear this...no this...and why won't you let me wear socks and flip flops?"
When a four year old is taken to a restaurant and given a menu with 10 choices, he wants them all. Because he's spoiled? No. Because he doesn't understand his body, his cravings, his desires, his needs. So he's frustrated.
"I want chicken. No. I want pizza. No. I want peanut butter and jelly. No......" And when his order finally arrives he refuses it with a loud, "No! I don't want that!"
According to the mental aptitude of your child and whether or not he has practiced this routine before, don't overwhelm him.
My belief.....
Begin slow. Make all decisions (food, clothes, manners, naps etc.) for your child until he is talking. Consider his wants and needs and do respond to him asking for something. But, Don't give him a lot of choices to deal with until you can have a two way conversation about those choices. When you can begin to teach him through conversation slowly add decision making.
For example, once a week take two outfits out of the closet and allow him to make the decision between the two. Let that decision sink in. The next week try it again. As you see him more comfortable with the process begin adding more choice days.
After a few weeks, prepare him to make good decisions later by adding. "Today I want you to pick from these two outfits. They are weather approved." Pull out an outfit from another season and say, "This one would be yucky today. I would hate to wear this today because it is not weather approved. You will not be allowed to wear this today because it is not weather approved."
What is your child learning at that point? He's learning how to make the decision before he is presented with a weather issue. That will soften the process when he's 7 and wants to wear shorts during a snow storm.
The restaurant is even easier. On the way to whatever restaurant you have chosen, talk with your child about what he feels like. It should go something like this, "I don't feel like broccoli today. My tummy is telling me it would like green beans. What is your tummy telling you?" Maybe he will respond with Pizza. "No way. You had that last night. I bet your tummy is ready for something different." Poke at his tummy and make funny sounds. "See, your tummy doesn't like the same stuff all the time. How about chicken today?" Poke and talk to his tummy again. "Your tummy just said it wants something different. It's still got some pizza lurking in there and it needs chicken to talk to."
When you arrive at the restaurant you will have prepared him to think about his choice as well as being open to something different - and you have made it a game....all kids like games.
Don't give him the menu. Give him two choices. Once he chooses, give him an out. "I'm so proud of you. You made a great choice. You know, it sounds better than what I ordered. Maybe you will let me have a bite of yours and I'll let you have a bite of mine." His self-esteem goes up. He has received praise from someone he loves and he feels comfortable because the two of you are in this decision together.
As you teach your child remember that it is good to point out certain things.
Point out that certain choices need to be made properly so others will view us properly. This is one of my biggest soap boxes so I'll try to be brief. How we dress and look is huge. No matter how much people want to fuss about "don't judge me" the fact is that we do make mental notes on the abilities of others based on how they look. A guy with long hair and tattoos may be nice and he may be the best Christian ever. But if I meet him on a lonely street at night, that's not the first thing I will think. A child may have a high IQ but if I see him running around hitting other children, demanding his own way and being rebellious - my first thought is juvenile delinquent.
How we look and how we act does matter. It will make a difference in how much attention or praise your child receives from his teacher, what type of person they will date and it will make a difference in what type of job they receive. Don't stack the cards against your children by allowing them to look and act like less desirable people. Help them to look at others as well as the goals you have for them and your family and determine what they want to show the world.
Stress the fact that it doesn't hurt to wait. Waiting is not a death sentence. We don't have to have everything we want right now. Going back to the 40's house - did you notice that bedrooms and playrooms weren't that large. They didn't need extra space for every toy in Wallmart. Each child had a shelf or a small box at the end of the bed. Closets were for shoes and clothes and toys were limited. Children waited for special days to receive a new toy. The wonderful thing about waiting is that it produces anticipation and heightens the joy of the present. Don't deny your child the waiting process.
At the restaurant, stress that just because we aren't having Pizza today doesn't mean that we won't have it later. Waiting for another day will teach your child to be wise about eating properly. I've often wondered how much of child obesity is because they want it all NOW and have never learned that waiting can enhance enjoyment.
Teach your child to be self-disciplined. That trait will NOT just happen. It takes training from you to instill it's wonderful magic in your child's life.
You child will grow and change and it is normal for him to have times to assert his independence. There will be times when he will have different likes and dislikes from you. That's great! But, will he necessarily without any control be forced by his own growth to hate you, yell at you, take his frustrations out on you, deny everything you believe in and make your life miserable? Absolutely not. It doesn't have to happen.
How can you stop it? Train him. Little bits and pieces at a time. Train him. Train him to trust you. Train him that a disciplined life IS fun and can be much more rewarding than grabbing at everything. Train him that a good life is an orderly life. Train him..
God loves you,
Debbie
Many parents wrestle with the problem of "out of control" children. Whether they are two or 14 - it's never an easy thing to watch.
I present a two hour class on each of the following topics. These classes help to bring the problem down to size and help you create a plan that will keep your child calm and your own self-esteem in line.
Principles of parenting
Basic discipline
Rebellion - Ages 5-14
How to raise a disciplined child in an undisciplined
world
Parenting is the only job we do that is almost 90% on the job training. It's also the only job that is all over the place. You can tackle one issue over here only to have another slightly related one blow up in your face. As parents we literally have to have our hands into everything at first and We have to purposely march from total control (small infants) to no control (adults). We must properly judge when to start letting go of some problems so our children can practice without ruining their lives. Parenting is the only job where the goal is to work yourself out of a position.
Tall order.
Let me bring it down to size for you. The most important thing to remember is to follow the rule of "age (or mental) appropriate".
You will probably understand what I mean if I just give you some examples.
I've watched children in restaurants have a complete meltdown trying to order. The parents are so frustrated they vow to never take the child out again. That's not good. Every child (especially in this "eat out" society) needs to understand and practice good manners in public.
I've also had many parents ask for help to simply get their child dressed in the morning. They say it's an all out fight to pick proper clothes.
Until school age and possibly (depending on the child) a little after, children can be overwhelmed by choices. Take a stroll through an older home - say 30-40's. Notice how small the closets were? Everything seems so small. Cabinets, rooms and even bathrooms. Think about how children were at that time. Quiet, mannerly and usually not at all frustrated by what they didn't have.
Why?
Two reasons. First, people had lived through the depression and were grateful to be alive. A popular statement to the children was, "You have so much to be thankful for."
Second, it is my belief that children become frustrated when they are asked to make decisions that their little psyche isn't ready for. During the 30-40's children were given very few decisions. They had chores to do and requirements on their lives, but choices began very slowly in their lives and built to full management as they were ready for them. Could it be that's why men and women were able to make choices about mates so quickly? Were they properly prepared to make "good" decisions?
When a two year old starts the day with, "What do you want to wear today?" and he looks up at a two door closet stuffed full of clothes and a huge dresser with even more....his little mind has a hard time making decisions. This then becomes an hour long fight. Because he is spoiled? No...because he is confused and doesn't know how to explain his feelings to you. So he does his best to respond to you with, "I want to wear this...no this...and why won't you let me wear socks and flip flops?"
When a four year old is taken to a restaurant and given a menu with 10 choices, he wants them all. Because he's spoiled? No. Because he doesn't understand his body, his cravings, his desires, his needs. So he's frustrated.
"I want chicken. No. I want pizza. No. I want peanut butter and jelly. No......" And when his order finally arrives he refuses it with a loud, "No! I don't want that!"
According to the mental aptitude of your child and whether or not he has practiced this routine before, don't overwhelm him.
My belief.....
Begin slow. Make all decisions (food, clothes, manners, naps etc.) for your child until he is talking. Consider his wants and needs and do respond to him asking for something. But, Don't give him a lot of choices to deal with until you can have a two way conversation about those choices. When you can begin to teach him through conversation slowly add decision making.
For example, once a week take two outfits out of the closet and allow him to make the decision between the two. Let that decision sink in. The next week try it again. As you see him more comfortable with the process begin adding more choice days.
After a few weeks, prepare him to make good decisions later by adding. "Today I want you to pick from these two outfits. They are weather approved." Pull out an outfit from another season and say, "This one would be yucky today. I would hate to wear this today because it is not weather approved. You will not be allowed to wear this today because it is not weather approved."
What is your child learning at that point? He's learning how to make the decision before he is presented with a weather issue. That will soften the process when he's 7 and wants to wear shorts during a snow storm.
The restaurant is even easier. On the way to whatever restaurant you have chosen, talk with your child about what he feels like. It should go something like this, "I don't feel like broccoli today. My tummy is telling me it would like green beans. What is your tummy telling you?" Maybe he will respond with Pizza. "No way. You had that last night. I bet your tummy is ready for something different." Poke at his tummy and make funny sounds. "See, your tummy doesn't like the same stuff all the time. How about chicken today?" Poke and talk to his tummy again. "Your tummy just said it wants something different. It's still got some pizza lurking in there and it needs chicken to talk to."
When you arrive at the restaurant you will have prepared him to think about his choice as well as being open to something different - and you have made it a game....all kids like games.
Don't give him the menu. Give him two choices. Once he chooses, give him an out. "I'm so proud of you. You made a great choice. You know, it sounds better than what I ordered. Maybe you will let me have a bite of yours and I'll let you have a bite of mine." His self-esteem goes up. He has received praise from someone he loves and he feels comfortable because the two of you are in this decision together.
As you teach your child remember that it is good to point out certain things.
Point out that certain choices need to be made properly so others will view us properly. This is one of my biggest soap boxes so I'll try to be brief. How we dress and look is huge. No matter how much people want to fuss about "don't judge me" the fact is that we do make mental notes on the abilities of others based on how they look. A guy with long hair and tattoos may be nice and he may be the best Christian ever. But if I meet him on a lonely street at night, that's not the first thing I will think. A child may have a high IQ but if I see him running around hitting other children, demanding his own way and being rebellious - my first thought is juvenile delinquent.
How we look and how we act does matter. It will make a difference in how much attention or praise your child receives from his teacher, what type of person they will date and it will make a difference in what type of job they receive. Don't stack the cards against your children by allowing them to look and act like less desirable people. Help them to look at others as well as the goals you have for them and your family and determine what they want to show the world.
Stress the fact that it doesn't hurt to wait. Waiting is not a death sentence. We don't have to have everything we want right now. Going back to the 40's house - did you notice that bedrooms and playrooms weren't that large. They didn't need extra space for every toy in Wallmart. Each child had a shelf or a small box at the end of the bed. Closets were for shoes and clothes and toys were limited. Children waited for special days to receive a new toy. The wonderful thing about waiting is that it produces anticipation and heightens the joy of the present. Don't deny your child the waiting process.
At the restaurant, stress that just because we aren't having Pizza today doesn't mean that we won't have it later. Waiting for another day will teach your child to be wise about eating properly. I've often wondered how much of child obesity is because they want it all NOW and have never learned that waiting can enhance enjoyment.
Teach your child to be self-disciplined. That trait will NOT just happen. It takes training from you to instill it's wonderful magic in your child's life.
You child will grow and change and it is normal for him to have times to assert his independence. There will be times when he will have different likes and dislikes from you. That's great! But, will he necessarily without any control be forced by his own growth to hate you, yell at you, take his frustrations out on you, deny everything you believe in and make your life miserable? Absolutely not. It doesn't have to happen.
How can you stop it? Train him. Little bits and pieces at a time. Train him. Train him to trust you. Train him that a disciplined life IS fun and can be much more rewarding than grabbing at everything. Train him that a good life is an orderly life. Train him..
God loves you,
Debbie
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