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Friday, July 22, 2011

We are born with a need to be loved and we never outgrow it!

When my children were born the viewing window displayed a worn piece of paper.  In bold letters it said, "Every child is born with a need for love....and they never outgrow it!" 

That statement embodies the foundation for all our self-esteem.  No matter how hard an individual tries, they will never be able to stand totally and completely alone.  They can boast about it and announce they don't care what the world says.....but the truth is that we all care.  We all want to be liked even when we are fighting big issues and driving a large program like say....Governor Christie.  He appears to be tough as nails - and he is a tough politician.  Great!  But I bet he goes home at night to a very strong family who is waiting with open arms to embrace him and give him the love and support he needs.

In my minds eye I see people like Governor Christie, Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush, Billy Graham - I see them all standing on a platform - alone.  It looks like they are out there facing the world - alone.  But if you lift the skirt around the podium, you'll see 50 people standing beneath the podium.  They are the pillars that are holding up his platform.  They are the ones that feed his need to be loved and supported.  They are the ones that help him dodge the stones being thrown at him.  They are the ones that help him decide everyday to get back on the platform and do the right thing.

When a person is void of loving supporters who understand the mission, understand the life, support the goals and overwhelmingly support the individual - that person can't succeed.  That person will become dysfunctional.  That person will not be able to heal after an attack and will eventually crash and burn. 


But I'm a nobody Debbie.  I just go to work and do my job and come home to pet my dog.  Why would I need anyone?

You need just as much support as the man on the firing line.  You need to know that your life matters.  You need to know that you are loved and valued as a human.  You need to be connected to others in this world in order to feel that you have a life.  So...get out there and make some friends.  Reconnect with your family. 


The best way to receive love is to genuinely give it.  And the best way to do that is to see the good in others.  When you see something that makes you smile or that you enjoy about another person - TELL THEM!  Don't hold back. 

For example, if your boss comes in dressed really nice, what do you do?  Most people think "Oh that's nice." but wouldn't dare say anything.  How silly!  Everyone loves a compliment.  It's not brown nosing to let someone know they reached a goal.  Everyday we get dressed and go out into society - our goal is to look be beautiful.  Don't go overboard and act like she just won Miss America.  Make it a simple compliment of - "Nice dress." as you turn to go back to what you were doing.  That kind of compliment can make a person's day.  It will leave both of you feeling good.  You will know you helped her to feel good about her choice and her day will be better knowing she has been recognized. 

When the mail gopher drops by your desk with a ton of mail for you, why not say, "Thanks John.  Oh, and by the way - I've watched how committed you are to your job and to making sure the deliveries are on time.  Thanks.  I appreciate it."  That's all you have to say to make his day.

My wonderful friend Pat Sanders sent me a great e-mail today.  I hope you enjoy the following story.

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.  She told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.  It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment. Over the weekend, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual. On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" "I didn't know others liked me so much."

No one ever mentioned those papers again.. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose.. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature. The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to view her student.  One of the soldiers moved beside her and whispered, "Were you Mark's math teacher?"
She wiped a tear and nodded yes. The soldier stared into the coffin.  "Mark talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, the teacher attended a luncheon and sat with Mark's parents and classmates.  His father smiled at the teacher.  "We want to show you something."  He took a wallet out of his pocket.  "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it." Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher recognized the paper as the list containing good things about Mark.

Mark's mother wiped her eyes.  "Thank you so much for doing that.  Mark treasured it." All of Mark's former classmates gathered around the teacher. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."

Chuck's wife said smiled, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary."  Vicki, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times." She quickly added, "I think we all saved our lists."
The teacher broke and cried.  She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again. She cried thanking God that she had done something to help her students feel loved.  She cried knowing that their lives had been changed because of a simple act of love. 

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

Good story Pat, thank you!  I hope you will spread a little love and appreciation today!

God loves you,


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