Negative complaints can kill Holiday memories

As we approach the holidays I hear the same old complaints. Adults squash their child’s ability to find the positive in life by complaining about all the work that accompanies a good time. No matter where they live, what kind of home they have or what the finances are – children hope that maybe….just maybe….the holidays will be filled with a little spark of fun and a few moments of love and genuine happiness.


Even if the child has never had it before, even if there’s no hope of it happening – the tiniest spark of desire will be there. Maybe just maybe - there is a Santa. Maybe just maybe - there is a Jesus. Maybe just maybe - I’ll be excited or happy or loved – even if it’s just for the moment.

Crashing their hopes and dreams, Mom or Dad enters the room screaming about chores that must be done and how they hate the holidays because of all the work. Even in homes where holidays are celebrated and children are treated with respect – Mom often mutters under her breath until little Sally decides that Christmas isn’t a fun holiday after all.

Little feet dance with anticipation in the long line to see Santa, while mothers argue, fuss and pull at their children until seeing Santa is the end result of an exasperating trip. Children’s eyes are wide with excitement as they glance at the live trees on the lot. They smell the pine, crunch along the saw dust and imagine twinkling lights over large packages. Then Dad barks about how heavy the tree is or how much sap will be on the carpet and little eyes droop with the heaviness of fake holiday cheer. No wonder so many young adults would rather spend the holidays with their friends. The joy of a decorated house and loving family interactions has been replaced with bad attitudes and impossible goals.

You don’t have to come right out and stand against the holidays in order to destroy them. You can simply “complain” them to death.

“But Debbie, that’s not fair. I work like a dog during the holidays and I’m exhausted. Shouldn’t my family pay attention to me and allow me to vent a little?”

It’s difficult to suffer in silence. I know. I’ve done it many times. The question should not be what do you need – the question should be what is the goal? If you goal is to inspire your family to enjoy each other during the Holidays, then all the little snide remarks about greedy companies, selfish in-laws and demanding children does not support your goal.

If your goal is to bring your family together in peace and enjoy the time you have with them – negative thoughts, complaints and rants should not be allowed. If your goal is to have everyone bow at your feet because of the work you’ve done – then perhaps you need to draw up a contract that will produce a well thought out Thank You rather than simply voicing your complaints.

This year, rather than personally concentrating on the birth of Christ, perhaps parents should concentrate on the teachings of Christ. Philippians 2:14 is a great place to start.

“Do everything without complaining or arguing so that you may become blameless and pure children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life – in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.”


Perhaps we need to ask ourselves if our children turn their backs on God because we presented his birth in such a negative light. Yes, we told them the story of the Nativity. Yes, we told them Jesus is the way the truth and the life. But did we also turn Thanksgiving and Christmas into such a flurry of negative comments that we not only turned them off on the holidays but we also turned them off on the love of Jesus?

God loves you,

Debbie

I hate it when people "settle"

I love all my clients and all my friends.  I really love my family and those I feel like are family. 

I try to give good advice and I'm very careful when counseling that I don't push too hard or crush any one's toes.

However....that said....I hate to settle for anything less than the "best for me".  That may not be the best for you...you have your own best.  I just can't fathom someone who knows they are settling but they just don't care any more.  It's as if they feel like they don't deserve the best or they are just too "tired or lazy" to try anymore.  NO...No...No...! 

The first place that anyone can go to begin the process of building your self esteem and becoming a better person - the first place to go is to insist that you are not going to settle for anything less than the best your life can be!  Don't settle for a spouse, don't settle in your job, don't settle in your dreams and for heaven's sake don't settle / give in / sell out - yourself.  Be the very best that you can be.

I've made a ton of mistakes and I've had to walk back to several crossroads and start over.  Each time I have I've re-committed myself to the highest standard.  I'm committed to racing for and reaching for the highest best for my life. 

Someone sent an e-mail full of pictures from Wall-mart.  Pictures that showed the worst that people can be.  Some of them were so bad that the only possible response was a guttural "that's disgusting".  Over all though, I felt pity.  Pity that those people were so starved for a little attention that they were willing to look their worst to be recognized.  They settled for disgusting looks because they were too lazy or too dysfunctional to work for and deserve a respectful look. 

I thought about the thousands of people all across this country that are buying into the settling routine.  They take their cues from pathetic shows like bridezillas.  For the sake of money producers trot out dysfunctional emotionally crippled people as if they are worthy of our attention.  Instead of getting help for an emotionally starved spoiled brat, producers exploit their dysfunction.  They promote their need for attention and provide a means for them to settle for negative attention.  Reality show participants don't stop to think that people are laughing at them, that they are being ridiculed and that they have settled for the worst form of bullying.

Instead of reality show adults pursuing their highest goal - being respected for their classy ways, their intelligence, their good looks - reality shows parade a host of dysfunctional ugly people in front of us that promote....."I'm pathetic but I'm settling because I'm either too lazy or too mixed up to work for anything better. 

It's so sad to me that people think so little of themselves.  It's refreshing to follow someone like Jackie Kennedy Onassis.  Whether I agree with all her opinions or not - you have to admit that she was well educated, extremely classy and the best she could be.  I like watching actors like Denzel Washington and others that strive to be the best they can be.  Even knowing that she didn't pick the right person the first time around - you have to admire a person like Princess Diana who worked hard to be the best she could be.

I hope you will spend a little time today asking the question - Am I settling?  Have I settled for a steady date that isn't going to help me be my best - just because I'm tired of trying?  Have I settled for a bad job just because I don't want to study and go for the good job?  Have I settled for friends that make me unhappy just because I don't want to find friends that will support me and push me to be my best? 

If I've settled in any area of my life....why am I settling and what can I do to change and be my very best!

So why do I hate it when people settle?  It's a waste.  It's a waste of a life, of a family, of a generation.  When you aren't your best - people around you suffer as well.  Don't waste your life.  Be your best.

God loves you,

Debbie

Nelson Mandela on education

A site on Linked In asked a question about education and helping special needs children.  I was intrigued by a quote from Nelson Mandela.  The writer said, "I agree with James' quote of Nelson Mandela: “Education is the most powerful weapon, which you can use to change the world.”

Here was my response.


While I understand where Nelson Mandela was coming from and what he was trying to accomplish, he was not correct when he said Education is the most powerful weapon. Yes, education is vitally important and no matter what condition a child deals with - education is probably #2 on the list. But if you really want to change the world or if you want to make a difference in your child's world - you must always start with parenting. A child's parent or caregiver determines the home environment that promotes the child's "view" of his world. Parents are the primary source that builds a child's thought process. Parents can either help teachers and education or they can destroy the child's desire to learn. Even when a teacher "thinks" he's won over a parents influence - when you follow that child down the road - years later you'll discover that a parent's influence remains a primary factor even if it's subconscious.


Why else do counselors and psychiatrists probe into your childhood and whether or not you love your parents? It's because we all know that true empowerment or lack of begins in that home. Even when an adult seems to have drastically changed his life and is nothing like his parents - he will often admit that their influence is still present in several areas of his life.

That's why I'm totally convinced that Parents are the only force in the world that can totally change a community, a country or even the world - in 20 years or less. We are raising the next generation and we will have an impact on thier beliefs - good or bad. If schools, civic groups, churches and other groups would start with the parent first and then branch out - they could literally change society.

I understand that this discussion is slanted for special needs children as well as the public school and their response to helping "all" children learn.  It still doesn't matter.  The condition of the child is not the issue.  There is a need, a bond and a God given purpose for the family.  There are dynamics between parent and child that simply can't be duplicated anywhere else.  What you do in your home does not stay there - it will follow your child his entire life - period!

God loves you,

Debbie

Mr. President....Mr. President

This great video doesn't need any comment.  Great job Ray Stevens!

Children raised in unchristian homes...

My Bible study group gave me a wonderful birthday celebration at my home last week.  As I looked around the room at the precious friends I was filled with love and complete admiration.

Admiration?  Most of them were raised in unchristian homes.  Many of them had to struggle to find salvation.  I am always awe struck by people who fight to find the saving power of Jesus. 

No...I'm not contradicting my last post.  I am so grateful for my Christian home and the care my parents took to help me find Jesus.  Yet, when I think about all the stories I've heard of how difficult it was to grow up in some unchristian homes - the abuse, the rejection, the hopeless feelings - all the problems those people faced and yet.....God reached out and grabbed the lost sheep.  He called to them and they responded.  He completely changed their lives. 

Well....my experiences may be safe and loving and comforting - but they don't hold a candle to someone who has fought evil and wrestled with satanic powers and emerged victorious!  That precious person deserves adoration.  That precious saint deserves to be applauded and given the stage. 

I hope that everyone reading this blog will realize how important it is to build a Christian home for your children.  They need to see the love of God in you.  It will help them avoid the sorrow and pain that so many children from unchristian homes have to endure.  But....and this is very important....when you survive and go on to find the love of Jesus "in spite of" an unchristian home - I believe you deserve Heaven's highest honor. 

It's kind of like being in the military.  I am very thankful that I did not grow up in a military home.  I would not respond well to someone else determining where I live and how I conduct the business of my home.  I would hate being forced to do what they want when I know it's not right for me.  I'm a freedom based person and would not want to give that away.  I'm not sure that it's good to ask small children to endure the hardships that the military imposes on their lives.  For that reason I am grateful that I avoided marriage with a military person. 

However, do I respect and honor every person in the military?  You bet.  Do I stop and clap when I see them in the mall or an airport.  You bet!  Have I stopped them from time to time just to shake their hands and say thank you.  Absolutely!

That's why if you had to struggle to find Jesus - if you grew up in a situation that made it hard for you to see his face but you continued to search for Him - I am so very proud of you.  I am humbled by you.  I admire you and wish I had a medal just for you. 

I believe when we get to heaven and God begins the task of handing out medals and crowns - I believe your crown will be bigger than mine and I will be so very proud of you!

In one of my Dad's sermons he challenged us to think differently about Heaven's rewards.  He asked, "Who do you think will receive more honors?  A woman who had a drunkard for a husband.  He made it difficult to feed and care for their children because he drank more than half of what he made.  She did what she could for all eight children.  She made things to sell and she made all their clothes.  She read the Bible to them and prayed for them.  They walked to church every Sunday morning knowing that if they didn't return fast enough and get dinner on the table - mom would be attacked.  Every child became a Christian and two went on to be ministers.  When this woman arrives in Heaven perhaps she will stand in line beside a well known evangelist.  He was raised in a Christian home, married a Christian woman and had a relatively quiet Christian life.  He traveled and preached to a lot of people.  He was treated with respect and honor.  Hundreds of people became Christians because of his work. 

If Heaven is where justice is applied and all is made right, who do you think will receive more honors?  I think the woman will.  Not that the evangelist did anything wrong.  He too will receive a crown and the joy of living forever with Jesus.  But he received a good chunk of his reward while here - she didn't.  I think Jesus will take her in his arms and swing her around.  He will do the dance of joy with her and be delighted that she followed Him and made it to Heaven.  I think at that moment every angel will fold their wings and every saint of Heaven will be excited.  I think everyone will understand that she earned her reward and she deserves it!

For all of you that have fought to find your salvation - I am so proud of you!  You inspire me!  Praise God for you!

God loves you,

Debbie

The Saving Power of Jesus Christ



Me and Dad
Biloxi, Mississippi

 Today is my birthday.  I woke with tears in my eyes.  No....it's not because I'm older.  I woke thinking about my long life with Jesus.  I cried because He is my dearest friend and not because he saved me from Hell.  I cried because he saved me from so much more.

I remember the Sunday night I sat on the front pew of my Dad's church when I was only six years old.  That night is still very fresh in my mind.  My little legs couldn't reach the floor but they swung in rhythm as mom and dad sang an upbeat song.  It was a warm night in Biloxi, Mississippi.  The windows were open and a soft breeze with a hint of ocean swept through the church.  Dad moved behind the pulpit to preach.  I don't remember what he said or even the topic of his sermon.  But I remember thinking about all the times my parents sat with me and told me about Jesus.  I thought about the Sunday school teachers that showed me pictures and told me about a man who would love me forever and would never leave my side. 

I remember my Dad talking about sin.  I knew I shouldn't lie and I knew I should obey my parents but sin meant very little to me.  Instead, I stared into the eyes of my Dad and I wanted to know the man he was talking about.  I wanted to be friends with a man who was as wonderful as my Dad said he was.  I pictured my mom and dad walking down a path with Jesus walking between them.  Yes, it was the simple Sunday school drawings of this Jesus....but for me, it was very real.

Then I saw it.  I saw the glistening eyes of my Dad.  My dad never cried.  It didn't matter what kind of pain it was - emotional or physical - my dad never cried.  He could make a joke out of any situation.  He could fuss about injustice and stupidity - but dad never cried.  That night, the tears didn't run down his face....but I saw not only the film of tears that he fought to contain - but also the deep understanding that everything he was saying about this friend of his was completely and totally true.  His depth of emotion connected with mine and all I wanted was to be friends with this Jesus.  I wanted to know what my parents knew.  I wanted Jesus to see me and to love me in the same way he loved my parents. 

When Dad gave the alter call I pushed off that uncomfortable wooden bench and joined several others at an old fashioned alter.  I knelt and folded my arms on the alter.  I laid my head on those little arms and began to cry.  At six-years old that's all I knew to do.  I didn't have sins to repent.  I didn't have dreams to ask for.  All I could think to say was, "Jesus please come into my life and love me.  I want to be your friend." 

I kept thinking what it would be like to know that this great man was my friend.  I desperately wanted to know that we would walk together, that he would take care of me and that all three of us - my parents and I would have this man as our friend.

My Dad put his arms around me and prayed a simple prayer.  My mother knelt beside me and walked me through the sinners prayer.  I did everything I was told, but none of it made me feel any different.  It was the emotions of knowing who Jesus was and the desperate need to "feel" his presence in my life that kept the tears rolling down my cheeks. 

The alter cleared and as always mother and dad stood at the back of the church shaking hands and talking with friends.  I returned to the front row seat and continued to cry.  I don't know why the tears wouldn't stop except that I was so desperate to know that Jesus and I had cemented our relationship.  Some people may criticize my tears or the fact that my parents allowed it to happen.  But I would not be the same person today if my parents had not allowed me to follow the sweet path of redemption.  For me those tears were a journey.  A journey that allowed an innocent little girl to commit her entire life to Jesus Christ.  I will always be grateful to my parents for introducing me to Jesus Christ.  I will always be grateful to the grandparents, aunts, uncles and various saints that supported my faith and shared their testimonies of God's love.

I remember Dad and the strong arms that lifted me off that old wooden bench.  I remember laying my head on his shoulder and crying.  I remember him stoking my back and telling me how glad he was that I knew his best friend.  I sat between mom and dad as we drove to a restaurant.  10 or 15 friends from church were waiting.  Dad sat at the head of the table.  I sat between him and mother. 

I didn't look around.  I still wasn't sure that Jesus had heard me.  I bowed my head and tears rolled down my cheek.  "Did you hear me Jesus?  I so want to be your friend."  Mother saw my tears and asked what was wrong.  I told her I just wanted to be saved.  I wanted Jesus to be my friend. 

She put her head close to mine and we prayed again.  She assured me that it was done.  That Jesus was not one to hold his love from anyone that wanted to know him. She smiled wide, patted my hand and kissed me on the cheek.  I heard the words.  I knew my mother wouldn't lie to me.  But I still didn't feel like it was done.  During the entire meal I swiped at tears.  I picked at my plate because it was too hard to swallow. 

The ride home was quiet.  I prepared for bed as I always had.  Mom and dad both knelt by my bed and prayed a sweet prayer with me.  They turned out the lights and left the room.  I lay in the dark and watched a flicker of light from the hallway.  Again the tears streamed down my face.  I thought about all the Sunday school stories I had heard, the songs about Jesus and the smiles from older people who had walked with him.  I closed my eyes as tight as I could, "Jesus please be my friend.  You can have every part of me.  You can have everything - all my toys - you can even have my dog.  I just want to be your friend."

It's impossible to explain what happens when love rushes into a heart and changes you forever.  I've been successful in business but it is a drop in comparison to feeling your heart burst with the love of Jesus.  I've been married and had three children but none of those joys compare with the overwhelming love of Jesus.   I've received awards.  I've experienced many exciting and wonderful emotions - but nothing....nothing I've ever experienced matches the moment that Jesus came rushing into my life.  Nothing can hold a candle to the overwhelming all consuming feeling I had when Jesus came into my heart.  That feeling has held on for 54 years.  It has guided me through every decision and every situation in my life.  He has never left me.  Even when I was in pain and screamed at him.  Even when I debated and fussed about his will.  Even when I was so distraught that I shook a fist at the sky and yelled, "Where are you!"  He never left me for a moment.  54 years later I love him more now than I ever have.

I worry about churches that promote the idea that becoming a friend of Jesus requires nothing more than repeating a statement.  I personally don't believe that's how it works.  If Jesus does not stir your emotions, he probably doesn't live in your heart.  Humans are always emotional about things that touch them.  I once knew a 6'3" man who never cried, never was especially nice and never showed emotions of any kind.  I saw that man hit his finger hard enough with a hammer to shatter the bone.  His jaw tightened but nothing more.  He wrapped it in a towel and continued to work. That rigid tower of strength was brought to his knees by a child.  His love of his daughter broke him.  And she finally led him to Jesus Christ who broke him further.   After his encounter with Jesus it seemed the entire world took on a new intensity.  He saw everything differently and everything touched him deeply.  He became even more powerful because he now could touch all people and all his emotions.  He was clearly a changed man. 

Beware of faiths that offer no power and no change.

Today I have served Jesus 54 years of my life.  I think too many people believe that the only reason to consider God or Jesus is to avoid Hell.  They think of Jesus as a one gift Savior.  I have been hurt by people who are jealous of the life I've had.  I was never molested.  I didn't live in a dysfunctional home - in fact my home was filled with love, peace and wonderful music.  I always knew I was totally loved.  I married my soul mate.  I had three wonderful children.  We avoided teen rebellion and they have grown to be remarkable adults.  I have great in-laws.  I have never been arrested.  And even though I can debate with the best of them, I don't scream or get into violent arguments and I don't hold grudges. 

For me....being friends with Jesus and understanding what he wants to do in everyone's life - has saved me from much more than Hell.  He saved me from experiencing the dark evils of this world.  He kept me from drugs, addictions, broken relationships, heartache, pain and sorrow.  Oh I have suffered!  No one gets out of this life scott free.  I've had my heart broken into a million pieces.  I have had times of complete despair.  I've been attacked both emotionally and physically.  I've been betrayed, and criticised and stomped.  I've been embarrassed and lonely.  I've been put down because I have a good life...go figure.  I'm dismissed as if doing something right makes me a freak in this life.  The reality is that I didn't do any of this on my own....it's all because of Jesus - yet I'm the one being rejected.  There have been times when I let my guard down and Satan was quick to flood my life with temptation.  I've been stupid and lost several of those battles - but when I realized I was drifting away, I called on my friend Jesus for the strength and I ran back into his arms. 

I worry and pray for those who are jealous of my life.  I would never hurt them or treat them differently because they didn't meet Jesus when they were young.  Instead, my only desire is to comfort them and to help them find the love that only Jesus can give.  I believe he can heal any life.  I believe Jesus can make all things new.  My only thought is to be part of God's plan to say...."You can have my life too.  That's what Jesus offers for everyone."

I've never understood this love affair with sin.  In fact, I've tried to study sin and it's affects on people.  Every sin the Bible warns about has only fleeting moments of fun or rewards.  The rest of the time it's full of pain and sorrow.  Why would anyone purposely choose pain and sorrow for their life?  It's illogical.  The consequences are always so full of pain and they last so long that I could never come up with a good enough reason to participate.  It's kind of like saying, I'll give you 20 milllion dollars.  You can buy anything you want with the money.  You can live like a king and no desire will be refused.  At the end of one year, we will have the right to cut off one arm and one leg.  It doesn't matter what we do with it - the cost for you receiving 20 million dollars is that you will lose one arm and one leg.  Why would anyone do that? 

How about 50 million dollars?  But at the end of three months we will kill your child and harvest their organs for others.  What????

That how I see sin.  Sin offers a lot of good stuff in the beginning but the following price tag is way too much!  The saving Power of Jesus Christ is that he says, "Stick close to me and there will be very few consequences.  I will teach you how to have the best life possible.  There are things you can't have or they will cost you pain....but  if you avoid those and stick close to me and my commandments you will have a great life. You will receive rewards that never end.  You will receive the most important things in life.  You will find true contentment and joy with your life.  Pure satisfaction will be yours.   And when others (no fault of your own) cause you pain or when accidents happen - I will be there to help you through it."

To me.....that sounds like a great deal!  A fantastic plan.  To me that's the best part of the Saving Power of Jesus Christ.  When I look beyond how wonderful He is...how much I love "who" He is and how fantastic it is to be near him......then I see this wonderful gift of a great life and I am amazed!  I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't want Jesus to swipe their life clean and start over - with Him as the architect prepared to create His personal design for their great life.

After 54 years of being a Christian I can testify that He has never let me down and Jesus has always been there.  You can trust Him and you can take it to the bank that He will never leave you nor forsake you. 

Jesus has always been my friend and the best thing in my life. 

If you want to know this wonderful man, please send me an e-mail.  Your life will never be the same.

God loves you,

Debbie

Childhood vaccinations

My parents and I have an ongoing debate about the safety of Nutra Sweet.  I "always" have an allergic reaction to any Aspartame and I can't use it at all.  I can't believe how many foods have aspartame in it.  Knowing that Nutra Sweet (aspartame) has traces of certain chemicals like formaldehyde, I've wondered if those chemicals (even at trace levels) can build up in our system and cause problems.  Medical issues that were rare in the 30's have marched to the forefront in today's society.  I'm not buying into the belief that it's just because we have access to more information and documented cases.  I think there are other factors. 

Most people think very little about the chemicals they ingest.  I believe our bodies are majestically and wonderfully made.  We are in complete balance.  It's when we offset the balance of our bodies that problems happen.  This goes wrong because we lack some vitamin.  That happens because we aren't getting the nutrients we need.  By the same token....when we ingest a chemical that changes our balance - we can suffer major problems.  Perhaps being diligent about the purity of the foods we eat and staying away from as many chemicals as possible is a better way to live. 

Don't get me wrong - I do not believe we should refuse to medicate our children when they have a severe flu or illness that will take their life if we don't agree to an antibiotic or medication.  When the illness is present you must use every measure possible to help your child!  What I'm talking about is allowing your child to consume massive amount of nutra sweet (aspartame) and hope that it is safe.  Why would you want to take a flu shot that might contain brain damaging mercury or MSG?  Why not choose a safer route? 

Many of you know that I'm going to be a grandmother.  Yeah!  My daughter called the other day and asked what I thought of flu shots while you are pregnant.  Red flags instantly waved in my brain.  First of all, pregnant women are cautioned not to use any drug.  They are encouraged to keep their lives as natural as possible.  Why then would you even consider a "chemical" flu shot?  Why take the chance?

I called Dr. Lazar and asked for his opinion.  He was furious and after a long talk promised to send more information.  We are going to have a vaccine event at his office in Ann Arbor, Michigan on September 24th.  If you live close, I hope you will attend. 

In the meantime, you can click over to my Mommy Detective blog and read my first post on Vaccinations.  This is a big issue and I would like to know what you think?

God loves you,

Debbie