I am frustrated with professionals that think huge problems can be solved with a specialized approach. In other words addressing one side of a problem somehow makes all the other sides fall into place.
As a Mommy Detective - and hopefully a relatively smart individual - I understand that our lives are complicated. That means that our actions are often based on an array of circumstances and variables. We respond to our world because of the hundreds of interactions in our lives. Something that happened in grammar school is compounded by a host of other issues that build on the first. As the problem forms layers, the original issue is masked. As issue upon issue develops, we begin to respond to our world in a negative way. Like the layers of an onion, it's hard to tell where one layer ends and the next begins. It's important to always remember however, that no action is ever based on one circumstance. We are complicated creatures.
We are constantly being changed by our environment and our relationships. We find insight and change because of something we read, hear or view. Most problems can't be solved by changing one situation or interaction in our lives. Most problems are caused by and must be solved with multiple changes.
For that reason, I get upset when some new author or professional wants to announce to the world that if we changed just one thing - crime would go away, children would be smarter and the economy would grow.
In order to cause real change, we must look at all the issues - not just one. For example, I watched Michelle Rhee on Fox news this morning (at least until the power went out). To give her credit, she is a very smart person and knows a lot about education. She is extremely upset about teachers vs. the reading and math scores of children across this nation.
I agree that some people choose teaching just for the benefits, money and summer vacations. But, I also think there are a lot of teachers who are dedicated to their jobs and will do anything necessary to promote the success of their students. Ms. Rhee agrees with that statement.
While you can't ignore bad teaching - you can't put the entire blame in that one area. There are other reasons our children are not succeeding in school. Ms. Rhee also agrees but continues to come back to the one area of ineffective teachers. Consider the following....
1. Parents are not involved in their child's education. They turn their child over to a school and hope for the best. With both parents working, time scheduled for every sporting event possible, music and art lessons and multiple chances to socialize - there's no time left for Mom and Dad to get involved in the Academics of their child?
2. Parents, media and social groups do not promote the desire to be smart. I hate movies like Dumb and Dumber, all reality shows and most radio talk shows. They promote the underlying theme that it's more acceptable to be angry, stupid, out of control and a sexual pervert. They look down on the hard working kid who makes straight A's, wants a virtuous relationship, hopes to marry for love...not just sexual attraction... and plans to work to make this world better. Instead their vocabulary is incredibly small and the only way they can express their feelings is with cuss words. (Unfortunately too many parents are infected with this stupidity disease) They don't promote character but instead center solely on money and things. Their self-esteem is not based on intelligence, wisdom or solid relationships so they strive for fleeting moments of praise based on looks or anger rather than on real worth. They think it's smarter to take the easy road to fame rather than the dedicated road to a life of honor. They would rather act like an idiot for the camera than be smart in designing a good life. Fun for them is anything that gets attention instead of gaining proper attention for doing something worthwhile. And then we wonder why children are depressed or having a hard time fitting in..duh!
With these mentally destroying subversive actions being promoted 24/7 by the media and outside sources to our children - it's a wonder any child chooses the path of knowledge and wisdom. Most parents allow their children to idolize dysfunctional stars rather than promote a healthy self-esteem. Without good role models...why would a teen want to study?
3. Socially our children are being taught to strive for the "stun gun" rather than for intelligence. The "stun gun" approach is anything that you choose to stun those around you - and take their attention away from judging your capabilities. Instead of striving to be recognized for their abilities most children would rather have the fleeting praise for some outfit, piercing or bad behavior. When we allow our children to go for the stun gun approach, we eliminate their desire for worthy based praise. When we eliminate personal competition, we eliminate the drive to achieve higher goals.
4. It amazes me that parents allow their children to "skip" over the logic of life. For example, we allow them to follow fads and think it's an expression of who they are. Baloney! Fads drive children to be one of the crowd....to fit in....to be the same....to walk like zombies and leave their looks in the hands of greedy designers. There is a difference between "class" and "fad". Fads usually don't make you look good. Fads are based on greed. When a person has more than enough clothes to look his best - designers come out with some new "fad" hoping to force you into spending more money. Fads are never about making you look good. Fads are about dipping into your pocket. Thank God for the parent or child that says - "I'd rather have control over how I look and save my money so I can buy a new car. I'm not going to spend my money on clothes that aren't flattering so some actor mogul can waste my hard earned money on himself.
Real class on the other hand is a way of dressing so that you look your best. It's individualistic and will play down your body's negatives and highlight your body's positives. Looking like a bum will cause you to act and study like a bum. Looking like a well dressed high achiever will help you psychologically strive to do better. Duh!
Our children should be taught to strive for wisdom, intelligence, class and an independence that refuses to let CEO's determine how to spend their paychecks. Instead we are raising children that are like stupid little sheep being lead around by actors, designers and reality stars who don't have enough talent to fight their way out of a paper bag. We allow them to teach our children to be angry, selfish and lazy. They spend more time thinking about sex than their own future and don't see that they are trading real success for fleeting attention.
4. Parents are not teaching their children common sense. Children instead are allowed to act as if nothing matters but their desires - and they don't have the ability to put the entire picture together. For example, because some high school drop out rapper (I think I'm an artist but I'm really not) doesn't have the intelligence to pick out clothes that fit - our teens blindly follow his lead. Don't they realize that no intelligent person is going to take them seriously when they can't even figure out their body size? What employer is going to hire someone that can only use one hand because the other one has to hold his pants up? Who wants to hire someone that doesn't have the intelligence to understand and purchase a belt so both hands can work?
5. Manners are an extremely important educational tool. Manners teach discipline. Discipline determines your ability to follow through a project, to sit still and listen, to understand consequences and problem solving - manners are vital to your child's success in school. Show me a child that can't say Please, thank you or I'm sorry - and I'll show you a child that has some type of problem in school.
I've actually talked with teens who insisted they had to follow the fad of bad clothes, greasy unkempt hair, bad language, poor manners and bad grades. They fussed with me about how important it was to fit in, be accepted and try to be popular. It's so sad when years later they knock on my door to see if I can provide answers for their lives. At 30 they cry on my shoulder and wish they had their youth back. "I'm working a dead end job because I was too stupid to use my school time wisely. I've wasted my life and now that I have a child it's even harder to try to repair the damage I've done. What am I going to do now? Why didn't my parents love me enough to say no?"
Sad...so sad....:(
I'm one of those terrible tough parents who required my children to think about their actions and their futures. One by one each child has thanked me for forcing them to stay on the road to success. A parents paycheck often doesn't arrive until a child is 30 or even 40.
Education does not have a one cannon fix. If we want our society to do better and our children to actually learn - we better look at the social issues that are impacting our children. We need to change the entire focus of this new generation in order to make a real impact on their future success.
I'm currently reading The Essential 55 by Ron Clark. I encourage all parents to take a look at this book. It will give you a great place to start your child on the road to education and success.
God loves you,
Debbie
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Interview with Debbie - Are there solutions to every problem? #2
While I believe that God has an answer for every problem, I also believe that we often walk away from problems that could be handled if we were committed to the work. Don't get me wrong...I think that we should pray about all our problems and we should allow God to be 100% involved. But I also think that sometimes we can answer our own prayers if we are willing to work on it and willing to consider all the clues. Let's look at some examples.
Let's take a newlywed couple that's fighting over money. Is it really something to fight about? Shouldn't it be more of a math problem. Maybe each person should be willing to give 100% to make the bottom line come out in the black. Instead, they fill every moment with negative thoughts about not getting what they want out of the situation. They point the finger at someone else without considering that there are some changes they could make.
I've heard some pretty awful statements about children. "My child is a brat." "I don't know why I ever thought having children was the right thing to do." "I don't wish them harm....but I'm sick of my kids. I need a break." Without realizing it, these parents have subconsciously given up. They are complaining rather than problem solving.
Yes...I personally believe that every problem in life has a solution. No....you can't magically change a handicapped child into a mentally perfect child; but...you can find ways to make the journey with that child pleasant. No, you can't make a full bankruptcy go away as if it never happened. You can work on a plan and get your financial house in better condition. Even when it seems like your relationship with an old friend will never be repaired, you're willingness to continue to be nice may finally break a frozen heart.
If you want a better life, the first thing you have to do is change your own attitude. Be determined to find answers to your problems even if it means hard work, a different attitude and an idea that's outside the box. Be willing to change and you'll always come out on top.
God loves you,
Debbie
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Interview with Debbie - Are there solutions to every problem?
Do you really believe there are answers for every problem?
Yes, of course I do. I feel that way because I’m a Christian and I believe that God is all knowing and all powerful. What does it say about God if he made the world and all inhabitants but he doesn’t have answers for our problems and doesn’t want to be involved?
Thinking that God is not involved in our lives or that he doesn’t have answers reduces God to a simple creative artist. It takes away his power. I believe God always answers our prayers but he may not give us the answer we want. He might say one of four things.
1. No
2. Yes
3. Not until you are ready
4. Not until someone else is ready
I’m sure that some folks who have been hit with terrible tragedies feel as though God could have intervened or maybe they are mad that it happened in the first place. That’s a hard pill to swallow unless you look at the facts.
God can be all powerful and ready to help you and give you a good life….but your actions or the actions of those around you - can throw negative forces in the mix that change the dynamics of the situation.
God may also have a marvelous plan for you, but if you stomp your foot and shake your fist at him in defiance refusing to follow the plan – it may not materialize.
God might then go to work to develop a new plan…a plan that will get you out of the mess you are in, but no matter how much information he sends your way…if you aren’t listening how can He help you? Like a little two-year old in a mall and on the run….no matter how much God calls you and demands that you come back, you keep running.
Sometimes God says No because he knows there's something better coming at a later date.
It’s important to remember that even though God is loving and does all He can to help us…He ultimately works through us. Our participation in His plan is a key element of success.
There are also times when God demands that we use our brain. He expects us to study hard, be careful to make good decisions and use His instructions to be wise.
Of course there are times when we are simply victims. We didn’t do anything to cause the problem and like Job there’s not a lot we can do to get out of the problem. Car accidents, abductions, rapes, evil men and women and yes….even some Christians can create true victims that have little power over the situation they are in. That’s when the rest of us must be compassionate and allow God to use us to bring about a God inspired solution to other people's problems. To me, the greatest sin of all is when God asks us to be involved in a solution for someone else and we refuse. While our faith does ask "everyone" to work as hard as they can on their own problems....our faith is also based on compassion and love.
Again, if we as by-standers listen to God’s gentle voice, become A+ biblical students and dedicate our lives to living for Him; we can be part of the solution to the majority of problems in our lives and others as well.
God loves you,
Debbie
Yes, of course I do. I feel that way because I’m a Christian and I believe that God is all knowing and all powerful. What does it say about God if he made the world and all inhabitants but he doesn’t have answers for our problems and doesn’t want to be involved?
Thinking that God is not involved in our lives or that he doesn’t have answers reduces God to a simple creative artist. It takes away his power. I believe God always answers our prayers but he may not give us the answer we want. He might say one of four things.
1. No
2. Yes
3. Not until you are ready
4. Not until someone else is ready
I’m sure that some folks who have been hit with terrible tragedies feel as though God could have intervened or maybe they are mad that it happened in the first place. That’s a hard pill to swallow unless you look at the facts.
God can be all powerful and ready to help you and give you a good life….but your actions or the actions of those around you - can throw negative forces in the mix that change the dynamics of the situation.
God may also have a marvelous plan for you, but if you stomp your foot and shake your fist at him in defiance refusing to follow the plan – it may not materialize.
God might then go to work to develop a new plan…a plan that will get you out of the mess you are in, but no matter how much information he sends your way…if you aren’t listening how can He help you? Like a little two-year old in a mall and on the run….no matter how much God calls you and demands that you come back, you keep running.
Sometimes God says No because he knows there's something better coming at a later date.
It’s important to remember that even though God is loving and does all He can to help us…He ultimately works through us. Our participation in His plan is a key element of success.
There are also times when God demands that we use our brain. He expects us to study hard, be careful to make good decisions and use His instructions to be wise.
Of course there are times when we are simply victims. We didn’t do anything to cause the problem and like Job there’s not a lot we can do to get out of the problem. Car accidents, abductions, rapes, evil men and women and yes….even some Christians can create true victims that have little power over the situation they are in. That’s when the rest of us must be compassionate and allow God to use us to bring about a God inspired solution to other people's problems. To me, the greatest sin of all is when God asks us to be involved in a solution for someone else and we refuse. While our faith does ask "everyone" to work as hard as they can on their own problems....our faith is also based on compassion and love.
Again, if we as by-standers listen to God’s gentle voice, become A+ biblical students and dedicate our lives to living for Him; we can be part of the solution to the majority of problems in our lives and others as well.
God loves you,
Debbie
Monday, August 15, 2011
What a fantastic month I've had!!!
The first of July I made a trip to Georgia to visit with my folks. We had a great time! We had a lovely 79th birthday party for my Dad. Mom is 83 and seeing them together, visiting in their home, talking about all the great times we've had - sigh :) it was great!
I met with my agent's assistant while I was there. She participated in the 2011 International Christian Retailers Show held in Atlanta. I held my breath and prayed for God's guidance when she explained that the producer for a well known nationwide radio show was interested in me as a guest. I was thrilled but prayed all the way home that God would be my focus and that he would guide my steps.
I left Mom and Dad's and drove to Nashville. My new agent provided a fantastic hotel room in the heart of the music district. I met with Rebeca Seitz (my agent), Steve Feldman (3 time Hollywood Emmy winner) and their assistant Jessica Dotta. We talked for several hours. Steve made me feel so comfortable that I didn't even pay attention to the large camera he was holding. I have two pages of projects to complete ASAP. I hope you will click over and take a look at the agency Reclaim Management. They have the wonderful vision of taking great stories through the entire process. They not only represent the author but they take care of the author. And if the project is worthy, they plan to move it through all points of digital media as well as on the big screen. It's a big vision but one that needs to be realized. I hope you will pray for every one at Reclaim, for all the artist and for God's help with funding.
You can be part of their vision. They have a program where you can donate the price of one movie to their cause. That small donation will build with others to provide the funding for great movies with a traditional conservative view. If you would like to see better movies being offered then join with them and help fund great movies for everyone! You can write or call the agency for more details.
Feeling a bit overwhelmed by all that I needed to accomplish, I talked my way back to Ohio. Well...I dictated a lot of notes into my phone. I would like to have plunged right in, but after two days of catching up with Ron, doing laundry and getting ready to go again - I gave Ron a kiss and headed for Michigan.
In Michigan Jamie took commercial pictures for Dr. Lazar. He's a talented doctor. He's helping Jamie and I get our physical lives in order. I'll tell you more about him later. I also talked with him about doing a seminar in Ann Arbor.
Next Jamie and I scurried to Chicago. I met with my editor, Ginger Kolbaba of Marriage Partnership and Kyria.com. We had a great time together. Ginger is a wonderful young lady and the dearest of friends. In fact, I love all the workers at Kyria. They are talented, dedicated women who are working hard to help equip their readers. You must click over to Kyria.com and check it out. You can subscribe to an online digizine (which is wonderful) or read some articles for free. You can also download these awesome resources for almost any meeting you can think of. It's a fantastic website! Be sure and search for my name so you can my articles. ;)
Ginger suggested several writing assignments and I have a ton of notes on articles to come! I hope you will at least sign up for the Kyria newsletter so you'll be informed when my articles post.
We left Chicago and traveled to Iowa to be with the Jansen clan while Jamie did Senior pictures for cousins. Then it was back home. I had 36 hours to prop my feet up and catch my breath before Amie arrived. She was a bit tired from her 16 hour trip from Tucson, Arizona, but she had big news....SHE HAD REALLY BIG NEWS.....On or about March 31st, I'm going to be a grandma! Wow! How cool is that??? Amie was here for a week. We shopped and registered and giggled and talked. It was a great time.
What a fantastic month! But now it's time to get down to business. It will take me a bit to get everything organized, changed, tweaked and out the door for you....but, I hope you'll stay tuned. There's a lot of exciting things to come.
God loves you,
Debbie
Friday, July 22, 2011
We are born with a need to be loved and we never outgrow it!
When my children were born the viewing window displayed a worn piece of paper. In bold letters it said, "Every child is born with a need for love....and they never outgrow it!"
That statement embodies the foundation for all our self-esteem. No matter how hard an individual tries, they will never be able to stand totally and completely alone. They can boast about it and announce they don't care what the world says.....but the truth is that we all care. We all want to be liked even when we are fighting big issues and driving a large program like say....Governor Christie. He appears to be tough as nails - and he is a tough politician. Great! But I bet he goes home at night to a very strong family who is waiting with open arms to embrace him and give him the love and support he needs.
In my minds eye I see people like Governor Christie, Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush, Billy Graham - I see them all standing on a platform - alone. It looks like they are out there facing the world - alone. But if you lift the skirt around the podium, you'll see 50 people standing beneath the podium. They are the pillars that are holding up his platform. They are the ones that feed his need to be loved and supported. They are the ones that help him dodge the stones being thrown at him. They are the ones that help him decide everyday to get back on the platform and do the right thing.
When a person is void of loving supporters who understand the mission, understand the life, support the goals and overwhelmingly support the individual - that person can't succeed. That person will become dysfunctional. That person will not be able to heal after an attack and will eventually crash and burn.
WE ALL NEED LOVE AND SUPPORT.
But I'm a nobody Debbie. I just go to work and do my job and come home to pet my dog. Why would I need anyone?
You need just as much support as the man on the firing line. You need to know that your life matters. You need to know that you are loved and valued as a human. You need to be connected to others in this world in order to feel that you have a life. So...get out there and make some friends. Reconnect with your family.
How?
The best way to receive love is to genuinely give it. And the best way to do that is to see the good in others. When you see something that makes you smile or that you enjoy about another person - TELL THEM! Don't hold back.
For example, if your boss comes in dressed really nice, what do you do? Most people think "Oh that's nice." but wouldn't dare say anything. How silly! Everyone loves a compliment. It's not brown nosing to let someone know they reached a goal. Everyday we get dressed and go out into society - our goal is to look nice...to be beautiful. Don't go overboard and act like she just won Miss America. Make it a simple compliment of - "Nice dress." as you turn to go back to what you were doing. That kind of compliment can make a person's day. It will leave both of you feeling good. You will know you helped her to feel good about her choice and her day will be better knowing she has been recognized.
When the mail gopher drops by your desk with a ton of mail for you, why not say, "Thanks John. Oh, and by the way - I've watched how committed you are to your job and to making sure the deliveries are on time. Thanks. I appreciate it." That's all you have to say to make his day.
My wonderful friend Pat Sanders sent me a great e-mail today. I hope you enjoy the following story.
One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. She told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment. Over the weekend, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual. On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" "I didn't know others liked me so much."
No one ever mentioned those papers again.. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose.. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.
Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature. The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to view her student. One of the soldiers moved beside her and whispered, "Were you Mark's math teacher?"
She wiped a tear and nodded yes. The soldier stared into the coffin. "Mark talked about you a lot."
After the funeral, the teacher attended a luncheon and sat with Mark's parents and classmates. His father smiled at the teacher. "We want to show you something." He took a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it." Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher recognized the paper as the list containing good things about Mark.
Mark's mother wiped her eyes. "Thank you so much for doing that. Mark treasured it." All of Mark's former classmates gathered around the teacher. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."
Chuck's wife said smiled, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."
"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary." Vicki, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times." She quickly added, "I think we all saved our lists."
The teacher broke and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again. She cried thanking God that she had done something to help her students feel loved. She cried knowing that their lives had been changed because of a simple act of love.
The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.
Good story Pat, thank you! I hope you will spread a little love and appreciation today!
God loves you,
Debbie
That statement embodies the foundation for all our self-esteem. No matter how hard an individual tries, they will never be able to stand totally and completely alone. They can boast about it and announce they don't care what the world says.....but the truth is that we all care. We all want to be liked even when we are fighting big issues and driving a large program like say....Governor Christie. He appears to be tough as nails - and he is a tough politician. Great! But I bet he goes home at night to a very strong family who is waiting with open arms to embrace him and give him the love and support he needs.
In my minds eye I see people like Governor Christie, Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush, Billy Graham - I see them all standing on a platform - alone. It looks like they are out there facing the world - alone. But if you lift the skirt around the podium, you'll see 50 people standing beneath the podium. They are the pillars that are holding up his platform. They are the ones that feed his need to be loved and supported. They are the ones that help him dodge the stones being thrown at him. They are the ones that help him decide everyday to get back on the platform and do the right thing.
When a person is void of loving supporters who understand the mission, understand the life, support the goals and overwhelmingly support the individual - that person can't succeed. That person will become dysfunctional. That person will not be able to heal after an attack and will eventually crash and burn.
WE ALL NEED LOVE AND SUPPORT.
But I'm a nobody Debbie. I just go to work and do my job and come home to pet my dog. Why would I need anyone?
You need just as much support as the man on the firing line. You need to know that your life matters. You need to know that you are loved and valued as a human. You need to be connected to others in this world in order to feel that you have a life. So...get out there and make some friends. Reconnect with your family.
How?
The best way to receive love is to genuinely give it. And the best way to do that is to see the good in others. When you see something that makes you smile or that you enjoy about another person - TELL THEM! Don't hold back.
For example, if your boss comes in dressed really nice, what do you do? Most people think "Oh that's nice." but wouldn't dare say anything. How silly! Everyone loves a compliment. It's not brown nosing to let someone know they reached a goal. Everyday we get dressed and go out into society - our goal is to look nice...to be beautiful. Don't go overboard and act like she just won Miss America. Make it a simple compliment of - "Nice dress." as you turn to go back to what you were doing. That kind of compliment can make a person's day. It will leave both of you feeling good. You will know you helped her to feel good about her choice and her day will be better knowing she has been recognized.
When the mail gopher drops by your desk with a ton of mail for you, why not say, "Thanks John. Oh, and by the way - I've watched how committed you are to your job and to making sure the deliveries are on time. Thanks. I appreciate it." That's all you have to say to make his day.
My wonderful friend Pat Sanders sent me a great e-mail today. I hope you enjoy the following story.
One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. She told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment. Over the weekend, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual. On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" "I didn't know others liked me so much."
No one ever mentioned those papers again.. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose.. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.
Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature. The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to view her student. One of the soldiers moved beside her and whispered, "Were you Mark's math teacher?"
She wiped a tear and nodded yes. The soldier stared into the coffin. "Mark talked about you a lot."
After the funeral, the teacher attended a luncheon and sat with Mark's parents and classmates. His father smiled at the teacher. "We want to show you something." He took a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it." Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher recognized the paper as the list containing good things about Mark.
Mark's mother wiped her eyes. "Thank you so much for doing that. Mark treasured it." All of Mark's former classmates gathered around the teacher. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."
Chuck's wife said smiled, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."
"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary." Vicki, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times." She quickly added, "I think we all saved our lists."
The teacher broke and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again. She cried thanking God that she had done something to help her students feel loved. She cried knowing that their lives had been changed because of a simple act of love.
The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.
Good story Pat, thank you! I hope you will spread a little love and appreciation today!
God loves you,
Debbie
Friday, July 15, 2011
How can we change America and the world?
Contemporary psychology promotes the idea that when we are born we are complete. Every thought, every action, every disposition is in place and there's really nothing anyone else in the world can do about it. Government, society, ideologues play into that philosophy by agreeing that a person is who he is and that since he can't change without help..."the masses".....should be told what to do and what to think. Of course that's a contradiction - if governments and ideologues can tell you what to do and get you to change - why can't parents or friends?
Parenting is the lowest common denominator! Everything in this world comes back to parenting - everything! Society begins with parenting. Governments begin with parenting. The person you have become and will continue to be is rooted in parenting.
How can you say that? What about people who don't have parents?
Someone took that role. Babies can't exist on their own. They don't have the ability to feed or care for themselves. Someone must take on that role and help them at least reach the level of being able to survive alone. And even if they were on a island and their parent died when they were four....being without a parent and trying to exist alone would turn their life in a different direction. Those formative years are the most important to a human. And the person that's shaping those years will determine the future direction of that life. P-e-r-i-o-d!
But what about our personality, our uniqueness, our intelligence...don't they shape our lives as well?
Of course they do - but it's the percentage we should look at. We are environment and family based people. There's been a lot of research done on this. That's why when a person goes to see a psychologist - the first topic he wants to discuss is your family. "Tell me about your mother - your father - your home growing up." Yes we can be influenced by other forces, but it's our need to be loved and accepted by our family that drives us. It's all the swirling and subconscious movement of our formative years that festers and bubbles up into our conscious lives.
You my dear are a beautiful design created first by God. He gave you a soul, a heart to love, a mind to think and his love to grow on. The moment you were born, your need to grow in love propelled you to crave touch and intimacy with others. It begins with a mother and father showing you both sides of pure protective love. Good parents will protect your innocence, your physical well being and your mind. Good parents provide a safe environment where you can build your faith, your self esteem, your talents and your love and compassion for others. In this safe environment you learn to work hard, to develop a pure love for others and how to not only fit in society but how to help society become a better place for others as well. In other words, your family - your environment - teaches you how to be the best person you can be so that you will go out and impact society.
As you rub up against others you do change, but strong individual rooted in truth will refuse change based only on a dysfunctional need to be accepted by others. The goal is to only change if you were truly wrong. The goal is to be a light of right - a person who stands for the truth and is willing to share that truth with others. It's only then that our society goes forward.
As long as parents are sending dysfunctional teens and young adults into the world - this world is doomed! It's only when parents decide that their biggest and most important job is to deliver a whole and healthy adult to society - that's when America changes! That's when churches get better! That's when crime diminishes! That's when the entire world is impacted.
As long as parents want to foolishly promote that they have nothing to do with their child's life - the world will be on a downward spiral to impending doom.
The solution isn't to take children away from parents. If you think parents are missing the mark with their children - just wait until you see a child raised by a government. That's absolutely the most dysfunctional child on the planet.
The solution is for parents to understand their job, their calling and how important their love is. When parents are as committed to raising a healthy child as they are to taking care of their own bodies or being successful at work - that's when the world will change!
God loves you,
Debbie
Parenting is the lowest common denominator! Everything in this world comes back to parenting - everything! Society begins with parenting. Governments begin with parenting. The person you have become and will continue to be is rooted in parenting.
How can you say that? What about people who don't have parents?
Someone took that role. Babies can't exist on their own. They don't have the ability to feed or care for themselves. Someone must take on that role and help them at least reach the level of being able to survive alone. And even if they were on a island and their parent died when they were four....being without a parent and trying to exist alone would turn their life in a different direction. Those formative years are the most important to a human. And the person that's shaping those years will determine the future direction of that life. P-e-r-i-o-d!
But what about our personality, our uniqueness, our intelligence...don't they shape our lives as well?
Of course they do - but it's the percentage we should look at. We are environment and family based people. There's been a lot of research done on this. That's why when a person goes to see a psychologist - the first topic he wants to discuss is your family. "Tell me about your mother - your father - your home growing up." Yes we can be influenced by other forces, but it's our need to be loved and accepted by our family that drives us. It's all the swirling and subconscious movement of our formative years that festers and bubbles up into our conscious lives.
You my dear are a beautiful design created first by God. He gave you a soul, a heart to love, a mind to think and his love to grow on. The moment you were born, your need to grow in love propelled you to crave touch and intimacy with others. It begins with a mother and father showing you both sides of pure protective love. Good parents will protect your innocence, your physical well being and your mind. Good parents provide a safe environment where you can build your faith, your self esteem, your talents and your love and compassion for others. In this safe environment you learn to work hard, to develop a pure love for others and how to not only fit in society but how to help society become a better place for others as well. In other words, your family - your environment - teaches you how to be the best person you can be so that you will go out and impact society.
As you rub up against others you do change, but strong individual rooted in truth will refuse change based only on a dysfunctional need to be accepted by others. The goal is to only change if you were truly wrong. The goal is to be a light of right - a person who stands for the truth and is willing to share that truth with others. It's only then that our society goes forward.
As long as parents are sending dysfunctional teens and young adults into the world - this world is doomed! It's only when parents decide that their biggest and most important job is to deliver a whole and healthy adult to society - that's when America changes! That's when churches get better! That's when crime diminishes! That's when the entire world is impacted.
As long as parents want to foolishly promote that they have nothing to do with their child's life - the world will be on a downward spiral to impending doom.
The solution isn't to take children away from parents. If you think parents are missing the mark with their children - just wait until you see a child raised by a government. That's absolutely the most dysfunctional child on the planet.
The solution is for parents to understand their job, their calling and how important their love is. When parents are as committed to raising a healthy child as they are to taking care of their own bodies or being successful at work - that's when the world will change!
God loves you,
Debbie
Monday, July 11, 2011
Compassion can be deadly
I am easily moved to tears. When I find out that someone is being mistreated, my emotions can take over and I'm not only a mass of tears but I become an energized force trying to find a way to help the victim.
It's important that all of my readers understand what I'm trying to do. I don't want to misjudge anyone or to cause anyone to slip into clinical guilt. But there are several components that you need to understand.
Compassion must be in full bloom when you are a Christian. You must look at the pain in the world and jump to help. You must be moved to tears by the needs of others. Like Jesus on the cross, you must look at your enemies and be so moved by their needs that you whisper, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do."
Unfortunately, many people stop there. They think that God is all about forgiveness, that he is all about making you feel good and that he has nothing to do with judgement or helping you move forward.
The truth is that as a "Teacher, Minister, speaker, writer" I have the God given responsibility to point out the "Good" I see around me.....but I also am called to point out the "Problems". That's hard! I don't want to hurt anyone. We live in such a demanding and critical society that everyone is filled with stress and suffering from low self-esteem. We often feel as though everyone is out to attack and we are so desperate for approval and love that we would rather continue making mistakes than have anyone offer suggestions for change.
When we allow compassion to overshadow truth, we deny ourselves the chance to grow. The truth is that growth and change is steeped in criticism and negative reflection. I've never heard anyone say...."My life is going great! I'm making lots of money, I have a great family, I love my job....I'm having the best time of my life! You know, I think I'm going to change everything. I'm going to get a different job, a different family....etc...." You get the picture. No, as long as everything is okay in our life - all of us, including me - we will hold our breath and hope that nothing changes.
We only change when someone points out a problem. We only consider different choices and different thoughts when we are challenged to do so. It's important that in our desire to be compassionate and not judge unfairly - that we don't shrink away from being honest or offering an opinion that is desperately needed in order to spark change. Using Compassion as a reason to ignore sin will produce the same deadly results as participating in sin.
One of the largest components to the failures of today's youth is their inability to accept thoughts and opinions different from their own. Like little spoiled children the liberal calls the patriot names because he can't tolerate a different opinion. The atheist sues the state because he apparently doesn't have the ability to turn his head when faced with a cross. Our children are so weak that they can't sit quietly while one child bows his head to say a silent prayer.
In order to find strength we have to be able to challenge ALL our beliefs and all our actions. By challenging them, turning them over and looking at them, tearing it apart and looking for every clue - we become stronger in our beliefs. Challenging your beliefs does not mean you are a bad person or that you don't know what you are doing. Challenging your beliefs doesn't mean you are walking away from them. Challenging your beliefs or your life is simply a way of cleaning up the inconsistencies, strengthening the foundations and becoming a brighter light with your life.
Recently, I received a comment (to be released once this is posted) about my post Mega Church Pop Stars. After reading the comment I stopped and prayed for the writer. I could hear his desperate need to be understood and loved. I am sure that he is overworked and struggling with all the demands of pastorship. He is probably one of those precious few that does more than preach - they actually live it. While he may not have needed my thoughts, perhaps others do. Here's my response.....
I am so thankful that you wrote. Thank you for your comment. After reading it I stopped and prayed for you and your church. I am truly sorry if my post made you feel bad in any way.
I would like to address some of your issues. First of all, I do feel called by God for what I'm doing. I'm very careful that everything said on these blogs has been put through a time of prayer and contemplation first. I posted about the church we visited two weeks after we were there. I prayed many times about the thoughts that burned within my heart. I am sure there have been times when you knew you had to preach a sermon that would step on toes. You probably begged God as well to let you skip that sermon and yet you couldn't because you knew the problem existed within your congregation. I'm sure that as you contemplated preaching that sermon, you were worried that the people who didn't need it would take it to heart and those that do need it will walk away untouched.
While you may not have needed what I said....I know there are others that do. America has a lot of problems and unfortunately many churches aren't meeting those needs or training their congregations to meet the problems with deep faith and strong convictions. The contemporary church is not as strong as other generations have been simply because individuals are so distracted by the world they live in. The reality is that the church will lead us out of our problems but only if pastors get real about faith and less worried about being a star. I am positive there are a few large churches that take care of every member and work hard to be sure the truth is taught. I visit, listen to and research the theology of many churches and I've found that most of the time - not all- the motive is not "disciples"....the only motive is numbers that will produce funds that will produce more programs that will make everyone feel like stars. That was my only point.
Also, on this blog I've recommended the book "5 ministry killers and how to defeat them" by Charles Stone. This book is wonderful and I recommend that every pastor and member of a church read this book. I liked it because it reprimanded members who didn't take "scriptural" care of their pastors. I also cried when I heard this pastor talk about being "called" by God. I think the reason a pastor can get into the pop star role is because he's made pastoring a job. No pastor should ever think of his position as a job. Once it's a job you are forced into the role of pleasing people rather than God. You are forced to make compromises in order to keep "the job". It's only when a pastor is "Called by God" and is determined to only follow God's leading - that's when he can't be touched by the whims of stardom.
How do I know that? Because I do have a minister's license. I've spent many hours studying the Bible and discussing God's calling on individual lives at a christian university. Both of my parents are ministers and my Dad built three churches completely on his own with no denominational help. I helped with those churches while I was a teen, during my college years and continuing into my married life. I was as close to being a pastor without the title as you can get. My grandmother was an evangelist and I have over 34 ministers, evangelists, missionaries, deacons, and various church workers dotted throughout the extended family. My entire life has been church. I've held every position within the church - including board member. You are right that I've never held the "Pastor" label, but as an only child I sat at many supper tables and listened as my parents (family and friends who were pastors) discussed the problems and trials of the church. When I was old enough I became a part of those discussions and prayed with my parents for answers.
I've watched my parents cry at the pain directed at them by church members and I've heard their prayers when they simply didn't have the strength to face all the stress that went along with being God's shepherd.
The difference for me is that I also watched them defiantly buck trendy misconceptions in order to stay true to their calling. They insisted that they were not allowed to "change" any part of the word of God in order to boost their own attendance.
The difference in the Mega Pop Star pastor and the dedicated pastor is simple and easy to spot. It's easy to tell the "motive" of both people. A pastor called by God will always think first of the "spiritual truth" rather than the desire to "appeal" to any generation. A pastor who simply seeks a job will always be concerned about his own appeal.
Dr. Foth is one of my favorite speakers and pastors. He served many churches and has worked as Senate Chaplain and director of the White House prayer breakfast. While speaking at a conference he said, "We must always remember that God is as pure as water. He is the living water. We don't need to add anything to him or help him in any way. He can stand alone." He used an illustration of coke. "Coke has water in it, but the formula for coke is pages long. It will rot your teeth and cause all kinds of medical issues. Water has a very simple formula H2O. You can drink all you want and it will never harm you. In fact, it will keep you healthy. When we add things to Jesus we dilute him and make him weak. When we use the simple message of Jesus Christ and allow him to work - miracles happen."
I get hundreds of e-mails asking for more posts on churches and their purpose. Many of these people are finding their spiritual instruction on line from people (pastors?) like me. I am reminded of a small verse in Ephesians 5 that gives us a clue into God's requirements. Paul told husbands to love their wives, even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it, - and he went on to say in Eph. 5:26 "that he might present it (the church) to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish." I believe that God wants us to strive for just such a church. Can we be perfect? No....but I believe we should try to do all we can to get as close to that goal as possible.
Thank you again for commenting on my blog. I hope that God will bless you and give your ministry his power. I will be praying for you. Please feel free to contact me at any time through my website at www.debbiejansen.com
God loves you,
Debbie
It's important that all of my readers understand what I'm trying to do. I don't want to misjudge anyone or to cause anyone to slip into clinical guilt. But there are several components that you need to understand.
Compassion must be in full bloom when you are a Christian. You must look at the pain in the world and jump to help. You must be moved to tears by the needs of others. Like Jesus on the cross, you must look at your enemies and be so moved by their needs that you whisper, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do."
Unfortunately, many people stop there. They think that God is all about forgiveness, that he is all about making you feel good and that he has nothing to do with judgement or helping you move forward.
The truth is that as a "Teacher, Minister, speaker, writer" I have the God given responsibility to point out the "Good" I see around me.....but I also am called to point out the "Problems". That's hard! I don't want to hurt anyone. We live in such a demanding and critical society that everyone is filled with stress and suffering from low self-esteem. We often feel as though everyone is out to attack and we are so desperate for approval and love that we would rather continue making mistakes than have anyone offer suggestions for change.
When we allow compassion to overshadow truth, we deny ourselves the chance to grow. The truth is that growth and change is steeped in criticism and negative reflection. I've never heard anyone say...."My life is going great! I'm making lots of money, I have a great family, I love my job....I'm having the best time of my life! You know, I think I'm going to change everything. I'm going to get a different job, a different family....etc...." You get the picture. No, as long as everything is okay in our life - all of us, including me - we will hold our breath and hope that nothing changes.
We only change when someone points out a problem. We only consider different choices and different thoughts when we are challenged to do so. It's important that in our desire to be compassionate and not judge unfairly - that we don't shrink away from being honest or offering an opinion that is desperately needed in order to spark change. Using Compassion as a reason to ignore sin will produce the same deadly results as participating in sin.
One of the largest components to the failures of today's youth is their inability to accept thoughts and opinions different from their own. Like little spoiled children the liberal calls the patriot names because he can't tolerate a different opinion. The atheist sues the state because he apparently doesn't have the ability to turn his head when faced with a cross. Our children are so weak that they can't sit quietly while one child bows his head to say a silent prayer.
In order to find strength we have to be able to challenge ALL our beliefs and all our actions. By challenging them, turning them over and looking at them, tearing it apart and looking for every clue - we become stronger in our beliefs. Challenging your beliefs does not mean you are a bad person or that you don't know what you are doing. Challenging your beliefs doesn't mean you are walking away from them. Challenging your beliefs or your life is simply a way of cleaning up the inconsistencies, strengthening the foundations and becoming a brighter light with your life.
Recently, I received a comment (to be released once this is posted) about my post Mega Church Pop Stars. After reading the comment I stopped and prayed for the writer. I could hear his desperate need to be understood and loved. I am sure that he is overworked and struggling with all the demands of pastorship. He is probably one of those precious few that does more than preach - they actually live it. While he may not have needed my thoughts, perhaps others do. Here's my response.....
I am so thankful that you wrote. Thank you for your comment. After reading it I stopped and prayed for you and your church. I am truly sorry if my post made you feel bad in any way.
I would like to address some of your issues. First of all, I do feel called by God for what I'm doing. I'm very careful that everything said on these blogs has been put through a time of prayer and contemplation first. I posted about the church we visited two weeks after we were there. I prayed many times about the thoughts that burned within my heart. I am sure there have been times when you knew you had to preach a sermon that would step on toes. You probably begged God as well to let you skip that sermon and yet you couldn't because you knew the problem existed within your congregation. I'm sure that as you contemplated preaching that sermon, you were worried that the people who didn't need it would take it to heart and those that do need it will walk away untouched.
While you may not have needed what I said....I know there are others that do. America has a lot of problems and unfortunately many churches aren't meeting those needs or training their congregations to meet the problems with deep faith and strong convictions. The contemporary church is not as strong as other generations have been simply because individuals are so distracted by the world they live in. The reality is that the church will lead us out of our problems but only if pastors get real about faith and less worried about being a star. I am positive there are a few large churches that take care of every member and work hard to be sure the truth is taught. I visit, listen to and research the theology of many churches and I've found that most of the time - not all- the motive is not "disciples"....the only motive is numbers that will produce funds that will produce more programs that will make everyone feel like stars. That was my only point.
Also, on this blog I've recommended the book "5 ministry killers and how to defeat them" by Charles Stone. This book is wonderful and I recommend that every pastor and member of a church read this book. I liked it because it reprimanded members who didn't take "scriptural" care of their pastors. I also cried when I heard this pastor talk about being "called" by God. I think the reason a pastor can get into the pop star role is because he's made pastoring a job. No pastor should ever think of his position as a job. Once it's a job you are forced into the role of pleasing people rather than God. You are forced to make compromises in order to keep "the job". It's only when a pastor is "Called by God" and is determined to only follow God's leading - that's when he can't be touched by the whims of stardom.
How do I know that? Because I do have a minister's license. I've spent many hours studying the Bible and discussing God's calling on individual lives at a christian university. Both of my parents are ministers and my Dad built three churches completely on his own with no denominational help. I helped with those churches while I was a teen, during my college years and continuing into my married life. I was as close to being a pastor without the title as you can get. My grandmother was an evangelist and I have over 34 ministers, evangelists, missionaries, deacons, and various church workers dotted throughout the extended family. My entire life has been church. I've held every position within the church - including board member. You are right that I've never held the "Pastor" label, but as an only child I sat at many supper tables and listened as my parents (family and friends who were pastors) discussed the problems and trials of the church. When I was old enough I became a part of those discussions and prayed with my parents for answers.
I've watched my parents cry at the pain directed at them by church members and I've heard their prayers when they simply didn't have the strength to face all the stress that went along with being God's shepherd.
The difference for me is that I also watched them defiantly buck trendy misconceptions in order to stay true to their calling. They insisted that they were not allowed to "change" any part of the word of God in order to boost their own attendance.
The difference in the Mega Pop Star pastor and the dedicated pastor is simple and easy to spot. It's easy to tell the "motive" of both people. A pastor called by God will always think first of the "spiritual truth" rather than the desire to "appeal" to any generation. A pastor who simply seeks a job will always be concerned about his own appeal.
Dr. Foth is one of my favorite speakers and pastors. He served many churches and has worked as Senate Chaplain and director of the White House prayer breakfast. While speaking at a conference he said, "We must always remember that God is as pure as water. He is the living water. We don't need to add anything to him or help him in any way. He can stand alone." He used an illustration of coke. "Coke has water in it, but the formula for coke is pages long. It will rot your teeth and cause all kinds of medical issues. Water has a very simple formula H2O. You can drink all you want and it will never harm you. In fact, it will keep you healthy. When we add things to Jesus we dilute him and make him weak. When we use the simple message of Jesus Christ and allow him to work - miracles happen."
I get hundreds of e-mails asking for more posts on churches and their purpose. Many of these people are finding their spiritual instruction on line from people (pastors?) like me. I am reminded of a small verse in Ephesians 5 that gives us a clue into God's requirements. Paul told husbands to love their wives, even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it, - and he went on to say in Eph. 5:26 "that he might present it (the church) to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish." I believe that God wants us to strive for just such a church. Can we be perfect? No....but I believe we should try to do all we can to get as close to that goal as possible.
Thank you again for commenting on my blog. I hope that God will bless you and give your ministry his power. I will be praying for you. Please feel free to contact me at any time through my website at www.debbiejansen.com
God loves you,
Debbie
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