Jamie told me that June is the by far the most sought after month for weddings. I have been wondering if perhaps you've been to a wedding this month. Aren't weddings fun? Everyone is dressed in their very best and they are trying to be on their best behavior. (At least most of the weddings I attend are that way.)
So if the wedding is so wonderful and everyone seems so happy....why are Americans getting divorced so easily? Why when couples promise to love for eternity, does it often end three months later? Jamie sadly explained that every year at least one of the weddings on his calendar will end in divorce before he can finish the technical work on their pictures. How sad?
I believe there are 5 things that must be in place before any couple decides to marry. If you are picking out a wedding dress before these areas are secured....you are in trouble.1. Make sure you are not marrying for love only. I know you've heard me say this before - but it's the #1 reason so many young couples divorce. I've heard several young girls say, "I know he's probably not right for me, but I can't help it....I love him!" And each of those girls were divorced within two years. Love can't cover all problems. In fact, when something goes wrong - love is one of the first emotions flying out the window. You can't count on love to make up for the fact that you really aren't suited to that person. Your love also will NOT be able to change that person. Make sure everything about your relationship is right - even before you consider love. Love should be the icing on your relationship not the basis for it.
Of course the other side of this point is that you shouldn't marry someone you don't love. Like I said, everything should be right and then if love is there - book the church.
2. Realize that Marriage is not some kind of magical door that will change both of you once you pass through it. All the problems that you experience before marriage will follow you through marriage. If he cheated before - he will cheat after. If she nags before - she will nag after. Marriage never changes problems but it does exaggerate them.
3. Make sure your spouse can be trusted and that they have shown you every side of their personality. How can you be sure? Pay attention to the way they treat others. If he fusses at or disrespects his mother - once you are married and he's comfortable - he will disrespect you. If she mistreats her girlfriends and takes advantage of them - she will mistreat you. Marriage will not magically change personalities! Whatever a person is before they marry...they will continue to be that after marriage! Don't be afraid to ask other people what they think about the person you are dating. Trust them to tell you the truth - and listen to it! They will save you problems later on.
4. Talk about your goals, dreams and desires. Make sure your fiance is willing to follow you in your dreams. Make sure you are totally honest with them about all the problems you will have to face together. Don't discuss it once and forget it. Make it a familiar topic and make sure they "honestly" understand your desires and how you will have to sacrifice to make it happen. If possible, allow them to be a part of your goal before the marriage. For example, if you are a daycare owner - take them to work and allow them to see what you do as well as all the demands you will face. If you are an executive, take them to an office dinner and see how they act as well as allow them to hear about the demands that will be placed on you. Be involved before hand and you may prevent arguments after your wedding.
5. Be willing to walk away in order to love for the greater good. Huh? Make sure that your sights are on having the best marriage possible and not just on acquiring the person you are dating. Get your head out of the "excitement" of dating and marriage and into the process of "deciding" what is best for both of you. Love your fiance enough to walk away and save them and you the pain of divorce later on. If you can be logical about the relationship rather than 100% emotional - you'll be centered enough to make a good decision and hopefully enjoy that decision until the day you die.
Debbie
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