Thursday, December 17, 2009

A Difficult Christmas


In talking with many of my friends, they all agree -this has been a difficult Christmas.  Along with economy issues it seems that many people are on edge about the future of this country and worried about how this will all play out in their own lives. 

Businesses are short handed and therefore employees are short tempered.  Families are doing without and therefore parents aren't able to deal with a child's excitement.  Even churches are having financial trouble that leads to sermons less about love and more about sacrifice.  Amid all of this when friends or family relationships are wounded, a person can feel alone and afraid. 

Ron sent this in an e-mail and it broke my heart.  I think if we all keep the following story in our head that this "Difficult Christmas" can turn into something beautiful. 

This made me cry. Life is short – love your family and friends like there is no tomorrow!

The story goes that some time ago a mother punished her five year old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping paper.

Money was tight and she became even more upset when the child used the gold paper to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.

Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift box to her mother the next morning and then said, 'This is for you, Momma.'

The mother was embarrassed by her earlier over reaction, but her anger flared again when she opened the box and found it was empty. She spoke to her daughter in a harsh manner. 'Don't you know, young lady, when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside the package?'

The child's blond curls shook as tears filled her blue eyes.  'Oh, Momma, it's not empty! I blew kisses into it until it was full.'

The mother was crushed. She fell on her knees and put her arms around her little girl, and she begged her forgiveness for her thoughtless anger.

An accident took the life of the child only a short time later, and it is told that the mother kept that gold box by her bed for all the years of her life. Whenever she was discouraged or faced difficult problems she would open the box and take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.

In a very real sense, each of us, as human beings, have been given a Golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, family, friends, pets and GOD. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.


God loves you,

Debbie

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Parents - our road map to God


My parents are still my best friends. My Dad is 78 and my mom is 81. They both have been in the ministry for their entire marriage of 59 years.

My mother started preaching when she was 8 years old. My grandmother (who was also a minister) and mom built 6 churches in the south. I've heard wonderful stories about revivals, camp meetings and brush arbors. A Brush Arbor was when the town didn't have a large meeting hall and yet knew that an evangelist was coming to town. They cut down several trees to clear a landing. For benches, they split trees in half and set them on top of the stumps. A sturdy tree trunk became the pulpit. Branches from the felled trees were used to build a roof and the sawdust became the floor.

For hours tired and weary people in small little towns sat under star filled skies, sang Amazing Grace and listened to fiery preachers explain the full gospel.  Children fell asleep on homemade quilts nestled in a pile of sawdust while older kids drew pictures in the sand, teased friends with sticky balls of pine sap and received a pinch from mom when their giggles were too loud.

My Dad had a normal life of school and barefoot walks down to the creek. He was around 12 when he gave his heart to God and promised he would do anything God asked. At 17 he thumbed his way to Bible College and became a minister. Just one year later my parents eloped and set out to let America know that Jesus was a Savior they could depend on. Dad built three churches, traveled the globe as a missionary and is a published writer. He was a missionary pilot for two years and dropped gospels into some of the remotest mountain villages of Mexico.

Is it any wonder that at 6 years old I cried for several hours after a Sunday evening service? Mother tenderly cradled me and kept asking why I was crying so. "I just want to be sure all my sins are gone. I want so badly to be a Christian."

My journey has been a wonderful one with Christ walking beside me. He's my best friend and as my favorite Gaither song states -

Jesus, you're the center of my joy
All that's good and perfect comes from you;
You're the heart of my contentment,
Hope for all I do,
Jesus you're the center of my joy.

That's why in 2006 I also become a minister. I found that I couldn't live even one day without praising my God and doing all I could to help other people.

My parents are here for the holidays. Yesterday I was tired and a little worn out. A tear slipped down my face. Dad put his hand on mine and said, "You know dear....no one on earth is as close to God as a loving mom. You have participated in the creation of a human life. Men stand in awe of that process and the love that continues throughout your life. You are amazing creatures!"

I thought of my post about how a child sees the face of God first through the face of a parent. I smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "No Dad, both parents are important. You both provided for my human birth, but you also led me to my spiritual birth. Nothing compares with the creation of a willing heart that will accept Christ."

God loves you,
 
Debbie

Sunday, November 29, 2009

God's Perfect Will

I just received a disturbing e-mail from a long time friend. I prayed about it and I felt God leading me to share this with you.

We are all struggling with problems and some of us are wrestle with how we can change America for the better. But I wonder if you realize that everything you do in your daily life either points to the Heavenly Father or it tears down our faith. Every interaction with any other human carries with it the potential for good or the potential for destruction.

My friend owns a cake decorating business. Now unless she's baking a cross cake for Easter, there's not a lot of ministry in her work. She does donate her unsold cupcakes and cookies to the local food bank and she does volunteer work for a homeless shelter.

My friend is a wonderful mother and Christian and...one of the sweetest people I know. You know the kind. She would turn a deep shade of red if anyone raised their voice or was critical of her work.

In her last e-mail she explained that her Sunday school teacher needed work. Her husband had lost his job and they couldn't pay their bills. Being the sweetie that she was, My friend gave her a job. Unfortunately, her Sunday school teacher came in late, didn't keep her area clean and was short with one of her best customers. When she was approached about changing her attitude and work - she lashed out in a vengeful and hateful way. She even tried to get other workers to take her side and stand against my friend.

My friends e-mail was heavy with sorrow. She wondered if she should be understanding. She wondered if she was wrong to approach this worker - even though they had been sited by the health department and found it was directly responsible to this employee. She wondered if as a Christian she had the right to take up for her business. She wondered if she had been a proper Ambassador for Christ.

After we discussed the issue back and forth in several e-mails, it was evident that My friend was trying to "protect the faith" by questioning her own actions. Yet, she was hurt by this other Christian Sunday School teacher who didn't realize that she was NOT being a good Ambassador for Christ. Her actions were divisive and full of revenge. Her actions proved to those in the shop that some Christians do not practice or understand the full gospel. And...her actions proved that she did not understand that our faith must go deeper - it must continue into every area of our lives or it will prevent others from salvation rather than promote Christ. Unfortunately, one of the employees that was a baby Christian was deeply hurt by the actions of this Sunday School Teacher.

The worst thing that's happened to America isn't the rise of Liberals - the worst thing is that Christians have forgotten that they must "be Christ" in every situation. Just as he bowed to Caesar, his Rabbai, his mother and a host of others who had leadership over him - at times - we too must understand those who have leadership over us. We also need to realize that others are watching. How many times have we heard liberals poke fun at someone's faith because they tried to sound perfect yet they were hiding sins. Hippocrites never help our faith. How many times have you lost your influence over someone because you chose to act in an unChristian manner? Christians are not destructive - Satan is.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we should all take a look at our own lives and be sure that we are compassionate and kind. That we wait for the facts before we jump on the bandwagon of critisism. That we strive to be honorable and able to work with and under another person's leadership.

But....and this is not contradictory....we must also take our own leadership seriously. Are we watching out for the work God has called us to do. Are we carefully and prayerfully accepting that as a leader we must make hard decisions that others might not understand? If we don't do that....our work for God can suffer. Too many churches have gone under because a Pastor wasn't willing to stand strong against attacks and instead gave in to demanding people who pushed and shoved the body of Christ into a dark place.

It's a fine balanced line to be in the perfect will of God. We are called to be wise and to be strong. We are called to lead and to follow. We are called to be ambassadors and to be soldiers of the cross. And we are called to be and do all of that just as "Jesus" would do.

Tonight I hope you will all join me in prayer asking for grace to help each of us react to difficult situations with the heart and the mind of Christ. May we continually show others that the only way to a Godly nation and a healed land is through the love and strength of Jesus Christ.

Live in such a manner that when others speak badly of you - no one will believe it!

God loves you,

Debbie

Saturday, November 28, 2009

December "Droop"


Moms are wonderful creatures.  Most of the time her family can't see the "droopy" shoulders and moist eyes that sprinkle through special days and rushing moments. 

Once a mom is determined to make moments that will be remembered for a lifetime, she goes into a hyper drive of activity.  Perhaps there are scribbled notes in her purse or a list hanging on the fridge.  If she also has a career, maybe there's a recorder that not only lists the activities and corresponding ingredients but also belts a little motivational cheer to keep her moving. 

She may forego sleep imagining the smiles of her family or even refuse to purchase something she needs in order to obtain that special dish that makes everyone groan with pleasure.  She will probably turn into a drill sergeant that could move a platoon into high gear with the slightest raise of her eyebrow and yet her orders can change at a moments notice when someone is sick.

She maintains the mood of her home as well as the janitors, the cooks and the decorators.  She makes sure that every special moment is documented with cameras and recorders. 

So if this Supermom is so wonderful, why the December droop?  After she's put together a lovely Thanksgiving dinner, made sure everyone was well fed and rested, cleaned up the kitchen and rushed out at 3am on Black Friday to purchase a wonderful gift - why the December Droop?  Why does she seem melancholy and sad?  Why isn't she as excited as her family?  Doesn't she realize the wonder of this season?

The December droop is often due to the fact that moms forget their original goals.  She is overworked and exhausted.  She desperately needs a thank you from her family and a confirmation that the day was a success.  When her family forgets to tell her how wonderful she is, she looks for "non-verbal" communication to confirm that she has accomplished her goals.  After several years of seeking the "non-verbal" signs she has convinced herself that the smiles and the laughter and the joy of the holiday decorations and festivities are the only things that matter.  If she continues on this path, she will stress about the need for "SUPER Smiles, wows and compliments. 

After a few years of going for the "non verbal" compliments - she has forgotten that her original goal was to share her love with her family and present Thanksgiving and Christmas as a special day.  She was never in charge of making everyone happy or meeting all their needs. No one can do that. 

Smiles, wows and compliments can't be sustained.  They are short lived and unsatisfying.  Somewhere in all the hyperactivity Mom has forgotten her original goal and she's lost her self-worth.   She begins to dread the holidays because she knows that she will fail no matter what she does.  She bites into her overcooked turkey and droops as one sibling fussed at another.  

So....what's the solution?

The best way to cure the December droop is for the Family to pay attention to all the work Mom does.  Give her a hug.  Tell her you appreciate the fact that you were able to take an afternoon nap.  Tell her how much you love coming home.  Take her face in your hands and say..."You are wonderful!  My life is better because you are here."  Being kind and considerate about her hard work is the best way to cure to December droop.  Your words are her paycheck for a job well done.

The second phase involves Moms thinking.  Mom must resist the need for the immediate gratification of laughter or that "wow" moment.  Instead think of your work in terms of multiple years.  Try to think of holidays as a process.  A journey that builds to an overall memory that will cause your children to "want" to come home year after year.  As long as you provide love, respect and verbal support to your children, they will want to be with you.  As long as your home is cozy and warm with love - your children will want to return to your safe refuge.  As long as your arms are inviting and your smile is wide, your children will find strength in being near you.

It's not about the decorations or the turkey or even the laughter at the table.  It is about giving a lot of love and providing a place that your family will feel accepted and loved.  If you have done that - you are a success!

God loves you,

Debbie

Monday, November 23, 2009

Mom Squad goes to Anita Renfroe Concert

I think all of you know that I am part of the Mom Squad Panel for 95.5 The Fish

We attended the Anita Renfroe Concert and had a ball meeting fans and listening to Anita.  Her quick wit, funny stories and sweet spirit made the evening a wonderful experience. 

I hope you enjoy the pictures of our night with Anita Renfroe.




Sunday, November 22, 2009

How wonderful that life often comes in two's

I finished posting Ken's YouTube release and received a message from Jamie - our oldest son that his work was on Fox and Friends. 

Jamie was priviledged to be able to take the DVD cover photo for Rebecca St. James new movie - Sarah's choice. Look at the cover of the DVD just behind Rebecca in the interview.  Jamie took that photo.  If you watch the interveiw you can see what a wonderful movie it will be to share not only with your family but with any teen in general. 

And....just think how wonderful it would be to have your picture taken by the photographer that did the photograph for such a wonderful film.  You can check his work out at http://www.jamiejansenphoto.com/




http://video.foxnews.com/11798567/sarahs-choice?category_id=949437d0db05ed5f5b9954dc049d70b0c12f2749

I'm very proud of both my sons - and my wonderful daughter.


God loves you,

Debbie

Great Music !!!

My son, Ken Jansen, has just released a new composition of Psalm 40 on YouTube.  He has a wonderful talent and we are all very proud of him.  Please pray for God to bless him and his talent.  I hope you will listen and be blessed by this talented young man.  I hope he will finish his work and release a new CD soon. 




God loves you,

Debbie

Saturday, November 21, 2009

The Manhattan Declaration


While we are all frustrated and doing our best to stop the erosion of our rights - I think it would be great if we joined something uplifting and positive.


Governor Huckabee interviewed Chuck Colson tonight. I rushed to my computer and googled The Manhattan Declaration. It's a document that over 150 prominent ministers, writers and Christian personalities have signed. It lays out the foundation of our faith and then goes one step further by stating that even if they are threatened or sentenced to jail or with any form of punnishment - they will NOT go back on their Christian principles.

I encourage you to go to the website and read the declaration. But...before you sign it, be sure you can follow through with your commitment.

I was proud that people like James Dobson, Joni Erickson Tada and Tony Evans had signed the document. You may recognize names like Jerry Jenkins, Kay Arthur and Chuck Colson.

I liked the way they worded the document. They were careful to talk about God's love but in no way did they water down God's commandments.

I believe this is a document that all Christians should consider. I do think that anyone that signs in agreement may be called on to defend their faith - but....for myself, I feel as though I'm at a crossroads and for me there was no choice but to sign. It's wonderful that over 10,000 people have signed this document.

http://manhattandeclaration.org/index.php

God Loves you,

Debbie

Friday, November 20, 2009

It's Called Christmas

How wonderful to see young people realizing the truth about this country and Christmas.  I love this video!




MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!

God loves you,

Debbie

Monday, November 16, 2009

Debbie's TBN interview about the economy's impact on the family


This fall, 2009 Debbie did an interview with Eugene Norris on "Joy in our Town" with TBN television.  The following is based on that interview.

I. What impact does a slumping economy have on the family unit?
Too many families are already working overtime for “things” rather than concentrating on people and the family unit. If all your focus is on things – when you start to lose them, all sorts of problems begin. Marriage isn’t about things. It is not a business with a bottom line. If your marriage is defined by goals and what you plan to achieve - rather than a relationship - then the success of your family will be tied to the economy.  When the economy goes down it will take your family with it.

2. You say abuse increases when the economy is bad – how is this so?

Even wonderful loving people can reach their limit. During a down economy, if the family begins to lose it's way because of the loss of things - that will translate into abuse.  Let me go over the top four biggest problems.
1. Disappointment. If your marriage is about reaching goals and those goals are denied, disappointment can set in. Disappointment is a huge emotion to deal with.  Disappointment that you can't provide the desperately needed braces or the new bike or even an overpriced birthday present - can leave you feel desperate and like a failure. 

2. Being overworked, feeling like a failure or watching your dreams crash around you – those are all huge emotions that will translate into your daily life.

3. If love isn’t your main focus in your family – you can reach feelings like those of being the caged tiger. The caged tiger feels like he doesn’t have options and he lashes out at anyone coming near the cage.  And....if the family continually bangs on the bar of his cage by asking for "stuff" or demanding "participation" especially when he/she is overworked and tired....then...the caged tiger will lash out.

4. With all that working together – In the eyes of the overworked, the family becomes part of the problem and in desperation he/she will lash out at them. For example, imagine if Dad has always brought little things home for his four year old.  Nothing big.  A little toy or a lollipop.  But now that he is behind on the house payment and is taking yogurt to work for lunch, he doesn't even have the quarter everyday to bring something home with him.  What happens?  The child runs to him trying to continue with the things he loves, but in dad's disappointment - he lashes out.  Solution:  Mom needs to get involved and help by making a card, a picture, a cookie - something to take the place of a purchased item.  Mom and child also need to be understand that dad isn't being mean - he's just disappointed that he can't deliver.

III. Families need to pull closer in times of crisis. What happens that drives a wedge between them?

It’s all about focusing on love and what is best for the family. If you focus on money or things or position or anything other than being together – the family unit will suffer.  But, if you take your eyes off things and put them on faces ---and if you work together, you can come up with ingenious solutions.

IV. Fathers have a sense of being the provider – what do fathers need to understand during this time?

Great question! The only way for any family to survive during any stressful time is to make the family unit the most important thing in the marriage. It’s not about individuals – it’s about the unit as a whole. For example, if little Johnny contracts liver cancer…the rest of the family needs to go into protection mode for little Johnny. That means vacations, ball games, days at the zoo all take a back seat to making sure little Johnny is cared for. It doesn’t mean you don’t do those things but your perspective is taking care of a hurting member.

So…if Dad can see that it’s not about him and his feelings but rather about taking care of the family – then his ego is in tack and the family survives. I’ve written a booklet titled Stay at home Dads, the new supermen! I wrote it because more men than ever are staying at home because their wives can make more money than they can. I give all kinds of tips on how to adjust your ego and allow the family to win.

V. Do we see where abuse occurs because the wife is working and the husband is staying at home?

I’m not sure that it’s who stays home as much as where the emphasis is for the family. It’s the attitude about how to handle stress that makes the difference.

That attitude can come from being a spoiled brat and wanting everything. But…there we are back to the fact that spoiled brats can’t be trusted or counted on in a marriage.

VI. Is this abuse from the father toward the children? The spouse? Both?

Abuse doesn’t care about gender, relationships or age. Abuse comes from three forms.

1. You were raised with abuse and you are continuing the heritage.

2. You didn’t learn how to handle anger when you were young…or you’re a spoiled brat.

3. You are a good person, a devout parent and loving spouse, but you are overloaded and have become the caged tiger.

To wind it up…in a down economy you want to put your emphasis on protecting the family unit, protecting your relationships with your spouse and children and remove the emphasis off of things. Make the family unit and being together a #1 priority and let go of things.

I hope this helps you,
 
God loves you,
 
Debbie

Debbie was on TBN

On November 12, 2009 I did an interview on TBN.  We did two segments.  The first one was titled "Keys to a Successful Marriage".

On air I promised to include the specifics of the interview on this blog.  I hope the following provides all the information you need.  If you have any questions, please let me know.

My interview was with Pastor Eugene Norris.  He asked the following questions.

I.  What would you say are the most important things in a Marriage?

It’s a huge subject and there’s a lot of material to cover for this question, but let me give you the top five things I feel are vitally important.

1. Marry the right person for you. Most couples slide into marriage thinking they can change whatever is wrong after they are settled in their own home.  Unfortunately marriage highlights our shortcomings it doesn’t erase them. Spend as much time talking as you can.  Find out how they feel about different scenarios.  Ask what they would do if......  Make sure you know their heart and mind.  Marriage is more about living with the daily grind than it is about romance.

2. Don’t marry for love. What?  Strange thought but it’s true. If you know the person doesn’t suit you but you’ve bought into the thought that love covers a multitude of sins – you are in for a rude awakening. The only love that covers problems is a mother’s love and God’s love. For the rest of us, when there’s a problem love is the first one out the door. Marry because everything else is in place.  Respect, honor, life goals, principles.  Once those are in place then love is the icing on the cake. Love enhances everything but it can’t be the cake.

3. Apply the Golden rule. 95% of the arguments that lead to divorce would stop if the participants would apply the golden rule by agreeing that – "I will only do to you what I want done to me."

4. Elevate the good points. Concentrate on what’s right in your marriage. Build a base of all the good things and then work out from there.

5. Compassionately forgive and work on bad points …together! Not separate, not standing back and waiting for your spouse to change, but work together with compassion.

II. 50% of marriages end in divorce, can you give us some reasons?
Again there are many reasons but lets tackle the top 5

1. Too many couples want a fairytale. They entered marriage with starry eyes and when the rude awakening came, they weren’t prepared. Most people put more thought and planning into choosing a car than in choosing a mate. With so little research it's silly when they appear shocked because they don’t fit.

2. Finances are huge. If you built your marriage on what you have rather than on being with that other person, you probably won’t survive the first year of setting up your home. Think back to when divorce was only one in 20.  Think back to the 40's.  Times were tough especially after the war.  Yet most marriages survived.  Most couples were happy living in one room with a bed, dresser and a two burner hot plate.  Why?  Because they were building on their relationship not on what they had.  If you build your relationship on what you have rather than who you are or how much you love them - it will be a difficult roller coaster ride.

3. Spoiled Brats make lousy partners. No one can do all the sacrificing. Marriage is supposed to be two people shouldering the load together. If you have to carry your load and theirs – you will crash.  If I am channel surfing and land for even a moment on these programs about crazy brides or spoiled brats - I wind up yelling at the groom as if he could hear me "Run man....run away as fast as you can!"

4. Most couples don’t know how to disagree. They make it personal rather than making their disagreement about the problem.  Most arguments end up being about what the spouse isn't doing or some bad habit they have rather than about the real problem.  If stress at work is eating at you - don't fuss because your husband isn't helping around the house.  Make the argument about the problem not the person.

5. Your marriage will end in divorce if your partner likes to take the easy road. Marriage is hard, requires work and commitment. Someone who easily gives up will not pay the price needed for a good marriage.

III. Give us a few principles that we can apply to hurting or damaged marriages.

There have been volumes written on this topic, but I have my favorite top five.

1. Pray. Praying brings you under submission and helps you to be willing to ask the hard questions.  Praying puts you in a submissive mode.  Praying opens your mind to questions and answers from all directions not just your own.

2. Be honest about your part of the problem and work at solving your half.
However,
Be careful if there is abuse. A controlling abuser can make you feel that you are totally responsible for all the problems.  For truly abusive situations you must remove yourself. It’s impossible to work on changing abuse if you are still in the middle of the situation.  An abused person can't see the truth or who is really at fault.  Remove yourself from the situation and get help to "honestly" judge the problems.

3. Stop all bashing and begin promoting good points. Lift your spouse higher. I love the book by Wellington Boon titled Your wife is not your mama.  I instruct couples that this book isn't just for men.  It only works when both couples are consistently trying to life the other spouse as high as they can.  Being unselfish is the only way to support your partner. 

4. Find a project that you both love and do it together. Nothing begins to solve marriage issues like working on a project together.  After all, over 3/4th of affairs at work happen because two people are thrown together to work on a project.  Find something that the two of you can enjoy and work on together and it will bring out the best in your relationship.

5. Have some fun. Dating is all about fun and too many married couples forget to have fun together.
 
 
I hope this gives you a quick look at some things you can do to help your marriage.  If your group or church seems to be having too many marital issues - check out my classes.  I would love to come and speak on this or any other subject.
 
God loves you,
 
Debbie

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Picture of a real leader

What is the difference between real leadership and lip service?  It seems to be a mystery that liberals just can't solve.  Conservatives get it!  We know that it's about truth, honor, compassion and true concern for the little guy.  Another name for it is class.

While Mr. Obama is sending a shout out to friends, pretending to think about the requests by generals in Iraq and stumping for his pet peeve - government take over of health care - which most Ameircans don't want.....A real leader does the right thing!

Last night Former President George W. Bush and his wife Laura decided they wanted to once again do the right thing.  They called the base commander at Fort Hood and asked to visit the victims.  In keeping with their character and their true compassion - they asked that the press coverage of their visit be suspended.  Instead, they spent "considerable time" consoling those who were wounded in Thursday's shooting spree
The Bushes entered and departed the sprawling military facility in total secrecy.  
Fox news reported that the couple was described as "deeply concerned" about military families.  The Bushes, who have a 1,600-acre property known as Prairie Chapel Ranch less than 30 miles from Fort Hood in central Texas, spent between one and two hours visiting the wounded and their families.

I don't understand liberal nuts who have a problem with the Bushes.  They did so many wonderful things for this country.  The best thing of all about them was their compassion and concern for each individual victim in any situation.  This picture brings tears to my eyes.  God bless you President and Laura Bush.



God loves you,

Debbie

Saturday, November 7, 2009

This is scary....

I don't even need to comment on this.  It's his own words.

God have mercy on us.....God have mercy....



God loves you,

Debbie

Friday, November 6, 2009

The Commander in Cruelty

Just after the 9/11 attacks President Bush took all of three minutes to make sure that children in 1st grade would not be alarmed.  He finished reading a short little book, excused himself and then hurried to make an off the cuff announcement to calm the nation.  His thoughts were to protect children and to calm his country.

Yesterday 13 of our brightest and finest preparing to deploy to fight for our freedom lost their lives in a brutal and horrible attack.  For three hours Mr. Obama hid himself in a conference that was discussing the care of Indians.  I have nothing against Indians.  But even if I had a one on one with a president, even if I was sitting in his office....if the news of a tragedy came in - I would WANT him to say, "Excuse me, I need to take care of this."  That's part of his job!  Yesterday, Mr. Obama again proved that he doesn't care what happens to the general public.  As long as someone isn't shooting at him he's fine with what's going on. 

When newscasters announced that the President would "finally" speak, I was expecting a comforting, kind, understanding speech.  Instead, while broken and hurting family members waited for words of understanding, he does a shout out to someone in the conference.  It was as if he had no concern whatsoever for the hurting families or families that were still under lockdown.

I was appalled and frustrated as I screamed at the TV.  Apparently I wasn't alone.  In an article by Robert A George he recounted Obama's frightening insensitivity following the shooting.  A-Disconnected-President

Perhaps you would like to decide for yourself...




God have mercy on us,

God loves you,

Debbie

The Value of One Life

The holidays are a happy time for all of us. We love the lights and the excitement of spending time with friends and family. Many people are struggling with a down economy, less money, trouble at work and fear about our future.

Into this mix bag of difficult emotional times walks a young girl. She's barely 9 and is the joy to those around her. Unfortunately she has an inoperable brain tumor. My son Ken is a pastor and very close to the Ives family. He's met little Sydney and says she is an adorable angel. It breaks our hearts to hear of such tragedy in one so young and yet....we are moved by her courage, her strength and her desire to give hope to those around her.

In your busy days and as you prepare for the holidays I encourage you to go on her website and read the story of this courageous young girl. It will humble you. It will inspire you and I hope it will help you to see the "really" important things in your own life.

She is at death's door and the family really needs your prayers. Almost 613,000 people have visited her site. I encourage you to do so today.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sydney98


God loves you,

Debbie

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Christian Halloween?


Google never ceases to amaze me. I'm a bit older than most on the mom squad panel and there's a lot I'm still learning.

I'm not against allowing children to dress up for Halloween. After all, I grew up at a time when Halloween was innocent and fun. I can understand why so many parents avoid Halloween. It's become both physically dangerous as well as promoting unchristian images that we might not want our children to see.

So...I googled "Christian Halloween". Google brought up over 4 million suggestions. WOW!

I clicked on a particularly interesting site. http://annieshomepage.com/alternative.html

Annie not only posted some cool facts, but she also gave ideas like...

Find a local Church that is having an alternative celebration and attend.

Some Churches have a Bible Character Dress Up Contest.

Wanda shared some of the costume ideas she has used for her daughter. "My Church has gone to a "Fall Festival" theme and my children dress in "Christian" costumes. And oh how they enjoy trying to be creative. Here are some of their past ideas.....the parable of the woman who lost one piece of silver. (my daughter had a long dress on, broom, candle, and coin purse). Another was Sarah when she was old and pregnant. (she had gray hair, a big belly). Pharaoh's Daughter (dressed in purple, with lots of shine, she had a basket with a baby, and lots of make-up). These are some of the ones I can remember."

Why not start a NEW family tradition for October 31st in your family? You can have a family meeting and make the plans for the special evening. Choose some FUN & CREATIVE things to do as a family. Maybe even have a Board Game Marathon. Give each member of the family a special responsibility. Each one of you can do something to plan, prepare and take part in, for your special evening. Family times are too often rare or non existent. Bake some cookies and make some popcorn the old fashioned way. Have some FAMILY FUN. Next year you can have the 2nd Annual Family Fun Night. You can't have the "first annual" because if you think about it, it really has to be the second time to be "annual".

Have a celebration with a theme. How about Christian Heroes and Martyrs? It was on October 31, 1517 that young Martin Luther nailed the Ninety-Five Theses to the door of the Wittenberg Church and lit the fire of the Reformation. How about a Bible Quiz or charades game. Or bring out the Bible Board games like a Bible Trivia game.

How about a missionary evening? Choose the country where you have a Missionary that your church supports. Then use the country to help you choose the food you make and the decorations. You can even have people wear clothing or a hat to go with your theme. Why not make it a potluck dinner? You make the entree and others can bring dessert and side dishes. You are only limited by your own imagination. Why not contact the missionaries by email? Ask them to send you some information or links.

Here is a current email about what one Christian Family is doing:"Annie, I happened across your page while doing research for our annual "Jesus is Lord of Halloween too" party...we are a family who celebrated Halloween for many years until God changed our lives. For the past 3 years we have chosen to celebrate Jesus instead. I would like to share with you some of the things we do at our "party". The children spend the afternoon attaching candy to tracts or bookmarks (whatever we can afford that year) to hand out the trick or treaters. After the tracts are done, we carve pumpkins with crosses or the name of Jesus or any other Christian symbol. We do dunk for apples, we also play all sorts of silly games, some include "finish the bible verse" and "bible trivia." My kids have told me that they have more fun praising Jesus on that night than they ever had "trick or treating" God bless you and your pages! Mrs. F"

From a recent visitor: Our church, East Brent Baptist (not that it matters because there are NO denominations in Heaven), in Pensacola, with about 5,000+ members, has Judgment House for the two weekends around Halloween. That is where Tour guides (me!) and a group of people (usually limited to 15-18) move from room to room where, in each room, actors/actresses stay and reenact the same scene for each group. There is always a message about choices and their consequences and there is always a message about Jesus and loving Him. We always end up in Heaven with Jesus delivering His message through the actor. Isn't it nice to be able to go to "heaven" so many times during the season??!! We have a ball! My whole family is involved in some way. Our sons are actors and my husband is in technical, and we thoroughly enjoy participating. It's amazing what can come from a Judgment House because just recently, some people made it their business to "find" me to tell me that (not really) because of me taking them through, not once but twice, TWO years ago, they came to East Brent because it was a "walking" church, not just a "talking" church and they were saved! Praise GOD! Of course, it was NOT me, but the Lord at work in their hearts! I was just the instrument.

I have other suggestions about how to bring the Bible into this holiday. There are many stories about how Jesus raised the dead and casts out evil spirits and these aren't scary stories with blood and gore! I also try to tell my kids that there is one Spirit, that is not a spook or floating apparition, like in many tales and movies. It's the Holy Spirit! God sends his Holy Spirit to us, as a Comforter, (John 14:26), which is very comforting to know! We can see that in the final days, the devil will be thrown into the lake of fire and no longer be able to deceive the world, (Rev. 20:10).

I loved this idea from Kraftykid.com


Halloween Pumpkin Christian Craft

Supplies:1 - sheet of orange construction paper (or white paper colored orange)hole punch, scissors, markers (green, brown, black, orange).

Instructions:1. Draw a circle on the orange construction paper (this makes the pumpkin head)2. Color a stem on top green or brown.3. Write any bible verse on the back of the pumpkin.4. On the stem write: "You picked a sweet treat from my bowl, so here's a sweet treat for your soul." 5. Cut it out, punch a hole at the top of the stem, and tie it to a Halloween treat.

How will you celebrate Halloween?

God loves you,

Debbie

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Don't tell me you can't do it!

This video makes me cry because I'm so proud of this young man.

This video makes me cry because I'm so proud of the father.

This video also makes me angry.  I'm angry because of all the times I've heard excuses and whinning.  "I can't do this.  It's too hard.  I'm too tired."

Shame on you.


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Healthcare.....Right?

I like this congressman.....he gets it!





If you live in Michigan....vote him back in!

God loves you,


Debbie

You can smell a skunk even before you see them


We live on the edge of our city.  We aren't considered country and yet, there are plenty of animals around.  There's a farm a few blocks away and a section of woods in another direction.  There's plenty of neighborhoods all around.  Even with all the traffic we have a large share of groundhogs, squirrels, deer and pesky skunks. 

The road to our subdivision is about a mile long.  When we turn off the four lane and start to our house we can tell for quite a distance that some skunk has met his maker.  The foul odor of skunk road kill can be smelled way before we arrive at his carcus.  And....passing over it even for just a second can leave it's horrible stench on the car for days. 

I believe during the 2008 elections I smelled a skunk.  Today with all that's going on I'm positive that the odor originates in the White House and permeates through the entire system.  It's as if the foul odor of putting down the "stupid" masses has become the calling card of this administration. 

The White House is bent on a far left adgenda and encourages it's administration to not only promote that agenda but to push it even if they have to break the law. This administration's justice department has demanded that an entire town void a new law that was overwhelmingly passed. 

What could possibly be so horrible that it would attact the attention of the Federal Justice Administration.  Did they approve mass looting?  Maybe they voted for criminals to be set free?  What horrible crime did they approve? 

Busy with the economy, two wars and all the other messes going on across the country - this administration is fired up because a small town, Kingston, North Carolina wants to eliminate the party affiliations on the ballot.  What?

Apparently Mr. Obama is trying to prove that every thing he promised in his campaign was a blatent lie.  He promised transparency and then meets behind closed doors, hides information and shuts down websites.  He promised he would reach across party lines and yet has demanded that the healthcare plan no one wants is rushed through congress without bi-partisan support. 

Now he's insisting that no black person is smart enough to pick a candidate unless he knows the candidate is a democrat.  Mr. Obama's administration believes that it's not about what a candidate stands for, but rather the party he stands for.  He also believes that his own race isn't smart enough to research the issues and pick a candidate without his help.   

 In an article posted by The Loft, Bobby Eberle wrote.... The Loft

Justice Dept: Blacks MUST Have Democrat Label to Know How to Vote:  
There have been some crazy actions to come from Obama and his advisors regarding race. Remember when, not knowing ANY of the facts regarding an incident between a white police officer and a black professor, Obama said on national television that the officer acted "stupidly?" Or how about Obama's 20-year affiliation with a pastor who blasts America and advocates racial division?

Well, now I think I've seen it all. Obama's Justice Department has ruled against the actions of the town of Kinston, North Carolina. What did this town do that was so terrible? The residents voted overwhelmingly to eliminate partisan elections for mayor and city council members. The Justice Department stepped in and said, "Whoa! Wait just a second!" According to the Justice Department, blacks in Kinston must have the Democrat Party in order to elect their "candidate of choice." How insulting! Basically, what Obama's team is saying is that blacks will only vote for Democrats, and without the party label, blacks can't figure out for themselves which candidate will get their vote. This is not only a slap in the face of the voters, but it continues Obama's efforts to divide people along racial lines rather than bring them together.

The Washington Times has an excellent accounting of what is happening in this small North Carolina city. Following a city vote to do away with partisan elections for city offices, the Justice Department blocked the action:

The Justice Department's ruling, which affects races for City Council and mayor, went so far as to say partisan elections are needed so that black voters can elect their "candidates of choice" - identified by the department as those who are Democrats and almost exclusively black. The department ruled that white voters in Kinston will vote for blacks only if they are Democrats and that therefore the city cannot get rid of party affiliations for local elections because that would violate black voters' right to elect the candidates they want.
Candidate of choice? Basically they are saying that blacks will ONLY vote for Democrats, and if there is no party label, they won't know what to do. Obama's team also continues to take steps backward in race relations. Saying that whites will only vote for a black if there is a party label attached smacks of blatant bigotry. Furthermore, to say that blacks can't figure out who their "candidate of choice" is without a party label, Justice Department officials are making a huge assumption about the intelligence of black voters.

First of all, if a person is running for office, and that person is the "candidate of choice" for a voter or group of voters, it doesn't matter if that candidate has a party label attached or not. Shouldn't the electoral process be a process where voters actually pay attention to issues, do a little research, and then make an informed decision? What the Obama folks are saying is, "Forget all that! We just want them to vote for the Democrat."

Justice Department spokesman Alejandro Miyar denied that the decision was intended to help the Democratic Party. He said the ruling was based on "what the facts are in a particular jurisdiction" and how it affects blacks' ability to elect the candidates they favor. "The determination of who is a 'candidate of choice' for any group of voters in a given jurisdiction is based on an analysis of the electoral behavior of those voters within a particular jurisdiction," he said. Critics on the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights are not so sure. "The Voting Rights Act is supposed to protect against situations when black voters are locked out because of racism," said Abigail Thernstrom, a Republican appointee to the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights. "There is no entitlement to elect a candidate they prefer on the assumption that all black voters prefer Democratic candidates."
Keep in mind that according to the news story, this city votes Democrat overwhelmingly... both blacks and whites. Kinston "voted by a margin of nearly 2-to-1 to eliminate partisan elections in the city."

The news story gets ridiculous when one reads the quotes from Loretta King, "who at the time was the acting head of the Justice Department's civil rights division."

"Removing the partisan cue in municipal elections will, in all likelihood, eliminate the single factor that allows black candidates to be elected to office," she said.
Ms. King is the same official who put a stop to the New Black Panther Party case. In that case, the Justice Department filed a civil complaint in Philadelphia after two members of the black revolutionary group dressed in quasi-military garb stood outside a polling place on election last year and purportedly intimidated voters with racial insults, slurs and a nightstick.
Through King's efforts, the charges against all but one of the Black Panthers were dropped.

The Justice Department's actions are not only racial, but overtly political. As noted by Hans A. von Spakovsky at National Review Online:

The attorneys in the Voting Section also increasingly use the Voting Rights Act as primarily a political bludgeon to protect and enhance the electoral successes of the Democratic Party. Thus, in the Kinston objection letter, the Department stated that “it is the partisan makeup of the general electorate” that allows the winner of the Democratic primary to win in the general election. But of course, the VRA is supposed to protect voters, not majority parties. The fact that blacks are a controlling majority in the city is essentially deemed irrelevant.

This is yet another example of Obama's advisors showing that they are not ready for their duty to represent the entire country. They are partisans, and they are ideological radicals.

I hope you are praying for this country.  And if you want to put some legs on those prayers, get involved!

God loves you,

Debbie

What a fun Video!

It is important that we take time away from everything and concentrate on a little fun.  It's also a little distrubing how much our human mind depends on "fun" to make good decisions. 

Volkswagen wanted to see how much of a difference "fun" would make.  While I do think we need to be careful that not all of our actions are based on "fun", this video is a great illustration of how parents can use "fun" to produce behavioral changes in their family.
The Volkswagen site is dedicated to the thought that something as simple as fun is the easiest way to change people's behaviour for the better. Be it for yourself, for the environment, or for something entirely different, the only thing that matters is that it's change for the better.


Sunday, October 18, 2009

TRUTH is everything....Never sacrifice TRUTH

Recently I was trying to make a point to an apathetic young adult.  In exasperation he commented,

"Don't get your feathers in a dither.  It doesn't really matter.  Nothing really matters.  Just do what I do and live your life and let the chips fall where they may."

I bit my tongue very hard, smiled and tried to make a dent in his thick skull.  I'm afraid it was a lost cause.  I walked away deeply saddened.  What this young man can't grasp is simple basic math.

Math?  How did math get in here?

I remember when I was just learning math and I had a two or three step problem.  I'd work until the eraser had made a hole in the paper.  Frustrated I took the paper to the teacher and whined, "I can't do it."  I still remember the times she would shake her head and point to the first problem.  "Debbie, you must remember that if the first step is wrong all the other steps will be wrong too.  Go back and rework the first step."

TRUTH is everything in this life.  We must make sure that we have the TRUTH or we won't be able to solve any problem out there. TRUTH is always the first step.

For example, if the real TRUTH is that Mr. Obama doesn't care diddly about healthcare for the average Joe, then we have a serious problem.  If his only concern about healthcare is that it's a way to secure votes or it's a way to gain control of an industry that's making money, or if it's a step to socialism.....then nothing we say in response is going to work.  He can stand behind the podium and spout any lie and it will work because we don't have the first step right. 

If the real TRUTH is that the Czars are put in place to help turn this nation into a socialist nation - then their qualifications really don't matter.  They can be bums from a flop house and it wouldn't make any difference.

If the real TRUTH is that my friend is lazy and just doesn't want to take the time to get involved and make a difference in this country....there's nothing I can say to change his mind.  The first step solution is to conquer his laziness not to try to be more logical.

TRUTH IS EVERYTHING.  No matter what you are trying to do, strive to find the TRUTH first.  Once that is in place everything else will be easy.

Know the truth and the truth will set you free.  John 8:32

God loves you,

Debbie

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Mommy Patriots

I am thrilled by the response of Moms all across this country.  We are finding our voice and we are ready to provide a brighter America for our children.  I've written a new booklet titled  Mommy Patriots, The New Revolution.  You are welcome to download the entire 20 page booklet and make copies to pass out to your political groups, church groups or tea parties.  You can find a full description of this booklet at The Store

Barbara Curtis, a dear friend and one of moms featured on the Glenn Beck show.  She has 12 children and is a popular author.  She is a devout Christian.  She read the Mommy Patriot booklet and loved it.  We both are committed to being an encouraging voice for all moms.  I loved the post she put on her blog today.  The following is from Barbara....

"It seems like everywhere I go these days, I'm meeting and hearing from moms who are waking up to the fact that they need to DO SOMETHING to stop the madness going on in our country and in our schools.

I'm finding that mothers who thought they were alone in their conservative values - who've been successfully intimidated by the liberal minority and the Tired Old Media (Uncle TOM) for years - are becoming willing to risk everything to make their voices heard.

Like the mom I met on the phone yesterday who'd invited one of my kids to a birthday party, or the new woman who joined the CCWL (Conservative Catholic Women of Loudoun) for our monthly lunch who'd moved to Leesburg some years ago and never connected with a like-minded mom. It was so touching to see how much it meant to her to find fellowship on every level as we shared for three hours.

In a moment of deja vu, I remembered the same sort of thing 40 - yes, 40! - years ago when I was part of the grassroots bubbling up of the Second Wave of feminism. (I have written in Reaching the Left from the Right: Talking About Social Issues with People Who Don't Think Like You about the good accomplished by this movement, which quickly lost its vision as it was co-opted by the Sexual Revolution.)

As we were talking about the current administration's nonstop attacks on our country's traditions and values, one mom said, "It makes me mad because I have had to become an expert on everything. I can't rest!"
And that's the truth, we can't. Our children's future is at stake.

And another mother said, "What should we do?"

And that's when I had this deja vu and realized we are all doing exactly what we need to be doing right now. We are talking. We are gathering. We are learning we're not alone.

Just as the Second Wave of feminism began with consciousness-raising groups where women met informally to share their experiences and their research - through this uniquely feminine and personal approach to encouragement and confidence-building - we are in the beginning stages of a revolution which Glenn Beck alluded to - which will be carried forward by the mothers of this country who have finally had enough.

As our numbers build, we will begin to feel less hopeless and more and more empowered. Just as in the homeschool movement, where through women's devotion to and sacrifice for their families their own individual potentials were released - resulting in the writing of books and creation of curriculum - individual women will be moved to write, to sing, to organize and to plan.

In this movement there is no room for or need for superstars. This is a movement where the good of all must triumph over any particular woman's selfishness or territorialism. As I noted on the Glenn Beck Show, we can use the analogy of the geese to chher (honk) each other on.

One part of that analogy - as a viewer reminded me afterwards - was that the responsibility for being the Lead Goose shifts from time to time. This is so important, for when one individual covets the spotlight when it's time for another to speak, the entire group suffers. Be wary of leaders who seem territorial or in this only for themselves. Look for leaders who are willing to share and cooperate with others.

As mothers, our times for involvement will be cyclical, based on our families' needs. For followers of Jesus, they will also shift from time to time as we are guided by the Holy Spirit (I feel a shift myself right now, which I will be writing about soon.)

If you are a mom who is feeling a call to become more serious and purposeful about your family's future, I urge you to pray and be open to all the opportunities which will be presenting themselves to you each day to become more informed, more involved with your community and more willing to reveal who you really are to the other moms with whom you come in contact.

I will try to write encouragement to you each day and to recommend worthwhile resources as I come across them. I have started a Category Mommy Patriots where you will be able to find everything I write on this part of our lives. This is not about a particular politician, but about us and what we need to do to take back our country.

I want to urge you to try each day to become the best you can be. As Elisabeth Elliot has suggested we make a daily practice: Take one thing you should be doing and start doing it. Take one thing you shouldn't be doing and stop doing it.

As soldiers go to boot camp to become capable of doing the job in front of them, so must we be willing to put ourselves through spiritual boot camp, humbling ourselves about the places where we need to improve as moms and working harder to help our children reach their potential.

And we must also try a little harder to find each other and to make time to sit down and talk. This is an important part of how women find their individual voices and their collective strength.

This is a revolution that will take a generation to accomplish. But it is through what we teach our children - and with God's help - that it will be accomplished.

Stay balanced. Stay true. Stand firm in your wisdom as a mother. "

 
Thanks Barbara for those wonderful words of encouragement.
 
God loves you,
 
Debbie

Monday, October 12, 2009

912 March on Washington



Look out America.  We are awake now!

God loves you,

Debbie

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Glen Beck and Moms


I love the Glenn Beck show on Fox Cable News.  Last week he had a group of moms on his show and he talked about their concerns for their children and America.

Finally!  As many of you know, I teach a class on the Power of Parenting.  I believe that parents are the most powerful force in the World!  We can change anything if parents will unite and begin to instruct their children. 

But Debbie.....shouldn't parents change the world and simply hand it over to their children?

That sounds nice....but the world - America is always under attack.  It's an on-going process that must be shouldered by every generation.  Apathy is a killer! Controllers know that if they can create apathy - they have a clear path to dictatorship.   Anytime a generation becomes apathic and decides that they just want to live their life and forget about the world around them....we are doomed!  Our biggest hope is that parents will train their children to "keep the faith", "Continue the standard", "Protect our Freedoms"...and on and on. 

Abraham Lincoln said, "America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."

Ronald Regan said, "Each generation goes further than the generation preceding it because it stands on the shoulders of that generation. You will have opportunities beyond anything we've ever known."


He went on to say, "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same."
 
There's a question for all of us that very few are asking and no one on television is promoting.....
 
How is a liberal activist made?  Where do their ideas start?  Why are they so bent on doing things that hurt the prosperity of this country?
 
They are made at the same place conservatives are made - in the home!  There are rules to parenting.  If you break those rules your child will have to suffer the consequences.  According to contemporary psychology you are supposed to let your child develop "naturally".  After all according to them, you have no power and no ability to change anything.
 
They are lying.  The only result you'll get from letting your child develop naturally is that you open the door as wide as possible and say to the world...."Come on in to my child's heart and do whatever you want!" 
 
If you've read my book you know that I don't advocate a dictator style of parenting.  I believe that our children learn about freedom and kindness and compassion from their parents first.  Only when we promote "true freedom" in the home will they be able to accept it in society.  True freedom isn't the ability to do anything you want.  True freedom is the knowledge that every action you take will impact the others in the home, your future and the future of society.  It's developing a world view that gives us true freedom.  And...we must also be on a quest for TRUTH.  Truth is huge in parenting.
 

Why is arguing with liberals so difficult?  If they haven't been exposed to a quest for truth in the home - they won't recognize it when they are adults.  I can't wait to read Beck's newest book - Aruging with idiots.  I've argued with some of those and there is a complete disconnect with reality.  Where did they learn that?  In the home!
 
That's the opposite of biblical principles that instruct us to "train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it."
 
I've talked to you many times about don't believe the lie....again....Don't believe the political and psychological lie that there's nothing you can do about the future and about your children.  YOU can raise mentally healthy, morally strong and intelligent children.  Teen rebellion doesn't have to happen.  The terrible twos is a myth.  Your children can have a wonderful homelife and a strong self-esteem.  
 
If you hate how liberals are changing history and the indoctrination that is happening in schools - you must pay attention to how liberals are setting the stage to take over your child's training by convincing you that Parents can't have influence over their children.
 
You must fight for your rights as parents and realize that the only way to truly save America is by accepting the power you have and working not only for a better America now - but insuring that it continues by placing your child in the fight for the future.
 
A precious newlywed friend of mine recently made the comment, "My husband and I have decided not to have a child.  The world is just too crazy and uncertain.  We don't want to bring a baby into this mess."
 
I'm sorry to say I whirled around and raised my voice.  "Are you crazy!  No.  You can't do that.  What if you are destined to raise the man that will be president 40 years from now and will stop WWIII?  What if your child will discover the cure for cancer and if you don't have her - the situation gets worse?  If all good people think like you, we are doomed.  The evil will continue to have babies and they will eventually take over.  The only hope we have is for you to raise strong capable children that will take on the evil of the future and fight for freedom. "
 
Glenn Beck, thank you for organizing good people.  But....MOMS and DADS - it's time to realize your full potential and raise some adults that will help us straighten out this mess.  Our future depends on you and your talent as a parent.  Don't know how to do it?  Send me an e-mail and let's get started!  You can do it!
 
God loves you,
 
Debbie 

Friday, September 25, 2009

Tit for Tat


Tit for Tat is a rather old expression that I heard a lot as a child.  I was taught it meant "If I can do it - you can do it.  If you can do it - so can I."  I don't hear it much anymore so I looked it up in the dictionary to be sure it was still around. 

Webster's defines it as "this for that: phrase used when someone pays back one wrong or injury with another."  The thesaurus listed the following words...reprisal, retribution, requital; exchange, revenge.

The thesaurus also listed "quid pro quo".  It's a Latin term meaning, "You do this for me and I'll do that for you."  It's a bargain or a contract term and is used a lot in legal documents. 

Quid pro quo should never be used in a marriage.  When you are dating be sure and find out early on if your date believes in "Quid pro quo".  I'm not talking about things like....can you wash the dishes so I can get dressed and then we'll go out.....or   I'll take this to the bank while you go in the grocery store.  Those are normal chores that people can split and share the work.

What I'm talking about are all the personal "Quid pro quo" or contracts that can muck up a marriage.  Things like "I'm a sports guy.  That's just who I am.  Get used to it."

If you find a guy like that - RUN.  What he's really saying is "I'm so selfish that all I care about is sports.  I'll try to have some kind of fake relationship with you, but if push comes to shove - I'll always want to be first and have my needs met first."

Since most guys like this are able to get away with the statement, the women that choose to love them muttle along through life always giving in to their desires.  The fat usually hits the fan when the gal has to face a major issue alone and is finally able to clearly hear the selfishness in his tone. 

How should a guy (or gal) talk about their own desires?  "I really like sports and cars.  I love to spend my spare time yelling at a football game or under the hood of some car.  But...I understand that I'm not the only important person in this relationship.  If you "really" need me, I'll always turn the TV off and listen to you."

The girl's response should be....."I know that you like to spend your time on sports and cars.  I like to spend my time sewing or doing crafts.  I'll try to schedule my craft time during your game so we can sit together.  And I promise that anytime I interrupt your fun it will be for a really good reason."

That's real compromise.  Without Tit for Tat the relationship will be one-sided and selfishly ask the other person to always do the giving. If it's okay for her to spend time with the girls - it's okay for him to spend time with the boys. If it's okay for him to spend time watching a game - it's okay for her to spend time working on crafts. If it's okay for him to spend a thousand dollars on a part for his hot rod, then it's okay for her to spend a thousand on a new couch for the den.   If it's okay for both parents to watch TV when there's work to be done - then it's okay for the kids to have a messy room and watch their favorite show....(boy that hits home, huh!)

I personally believe that Tit for Tat should be a part of everyone's personality.  I try to NEVER ask anyone to do something I wouldn't be willing to do as well.

But....no matter how great this sounds, it's still a quid pro quo and has one more step before the participants are ready for marriage. 

REAL love is not a quid pro quo situation.  REAL LOVE goes one step further by saying...."If you ever become disabled, I'll put all my desires on hold and take care of you."  Yep, if your date can't commit to a time where he or she gets "nothing" from the relationship, you are in trouble before you begin.  Real love is willing to sacrifice.  Real love says....I love you so much I'll die for you!

If the person you are dating is incapable of sacrificing everything they have for you - RUN RUN RUN....


Now that doesn't mean they hope it doesn't come to that.  I have watched other women my age take care of ailing husbands.  A dear friend of mine spent almost ten years taking care of her husband with Parkinson disease.  She helped him eat, bathe and dress.  She read to him and sang with him.  When he became totally disabled she lifted him into bed and did everything you would do for an infant.  He was helpless and her love for him sacrificed everything she was in order to give him the quality care he needed.  She didn't complain or fuss or throw him off on someone else.  Her love for him was beautiful, strong and an example to everyone around her.

Do I look at that and say, "I hope that happens so I can sacrifice myself for Ron."  Of course not.  I look at it and hope I have the same strength she has but I also beg God to protect us from that type of problem.  I also know that if Ron and I have to face that type of problem, we will do it together and we will bend to the sacrifice we are called on to make.

Marriage meant to last a lifetime involves Tit for tat and also involves sacrifice.  You simply can't have a good marriage without both components.  Be sure you find out if your date is "capable" of Tit for Tat and if he is capable of sacrifice.

God loves you,

Debbie