Yesterday about 4:00 pm I went to the emergency room with severe chest pains. Nine hours later I was admitted for the night. After a cat scan, numerous blood work, a stress test followed by more pictures - the doctor said it was not a heart attack.
I'm home now and glad to be feeling better. A little weak, but much better. Prognosis is good and we will work on few things they found, but I'm doing good.
In the middle of fear I had a wonderful experience that I would like to share.
The Bible says that God is everywhere. It says that God knows when even the smallest sparrow falls. The knowledge that God cares is all around us. It's in science and the medical field. It's in the sunrise, the surprise of children and the quickening of our souls when music fills the air.
The hardest place to find God is in the middle of fear. As our mind deals with the situation our body goes into overtime trying to release the pressure. We sweat, tremble, shake and cry. Our blood pressure goes up and our mind goes wild with the "what ifs". Worry takes over and it's not long until we are consumed with fear. We pray, but our prayers seem to hang in the air with little hope of reaching heaven.
I was in the middle of one of those experiences. I was scared about the outcome of my visit and I found it hard to feel God. After an especially hard pain I closed my eyes and used every part of my being to concentrate on God. It took several attempts. It was soft at first. Just a feeling that calmed me. With every breath it began to increase until finally an impression filled my head. It was soft and sweet like the pure sensation of holding a newborn baby. The only difference was that I was the baby being held by the hand of God.
"Debbie, I am here." I relaxed at the thought of his presence. The tremble ceased and the tears slowed. God was there. His presence was overwhelming and soothing. What I needed for the moment, he released to me. Never more than I needed. Just enough.
Through all the tests, the pokes, the iv's, the blood work - He was there. I kept repeating over and over, "It's me and you Lord. It's me and you."
Never forget that God is everywhere. Never forget that you are his child and He loves you.
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, whisper His name and He is there.
God loves you,
Debbie
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Spanking
This subject is a sensitive one for most parents. To spank or not to spank - that is the question.
I was alarmed today to see on Fox news that someone was making and giving away spanking "paddles". They were huge! I think (I'm not a great judge of sizes) he was just taking a 2x4 plank and sanding it down. Even when he placed a message on the "plank" saying "Do not use in anger" - it still would not be something I would use on any child. (check tomorrow for the story on www.foxnews.com/foxfriends/index.html )
Fox interviewed a psychologist about the incident. She was totally against any spanking and said that all disciplinary actions could be done with the "hairy eyeball" (a mean look). I don't think that would work either.
So, what is the answer? I don't agree with either one.
First let's look at the problem.
You've heard the old saying, Spare the rod, spoil the child.
The Bible says, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." Proverbs 13-24
"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." Prov. 23:13-14
Because of those verses many Christian parents believe it is within their rights to spank their children well into the pre-teen years. Some even believe in beating their children. I don't think that the Bible ever supports abuse with anyone at anytime. Christianity is about compassion, love and logical requirements for a good life.
Some psychologists have determined through statistics (which many times are unreliable) that adult domestic violence can be related to any type of spanking. I think that's probably a far stretch.
Here's the truth about discipline and spanking....
First we have to determine the purpose of spanking. Spanking in and of itself will not change behavior. Spanking alone is nothing more than hitting. If you are a good parent, you probably teach your child not to hit - if you hit, won't that cause confusion?
Spanking alone without any other input or if it's used as a constant disciplinary tool can cause domestic violence later on.
Restricted spanking coupled with training will change behavior.
For example, spanking should not be done with anything other than your hand and it should only be done on the buttocks. You should never shake a child or slap their face. Anything other than a swat or two on the buttocks to gain their attention is hitting and not good discipline.
Never spank just because you are angry. And never use anything other than your hand. Paddles are a bad idea because you can cause major damage without knowing it. By using your hand, you can feel the sting of the impact and you will know and understand just how hard you are spanking.
Never spank past the age of four. By this time you should have developed other methods of gaining your child's attention. By this time their vocabulary will be large enough that you should be able to reason with them and talk to them as you restrain them to your lap. By this time you can use behavior modification and they will understand why.
Never spank (or discipline for that matter) in public. Discipline is never successful when linked to embarrassment. Embarrassment is not a proper tool for changing behavior. If your child is acting up, take him to a bathroom, behind a door, under a bush - anywhere but in full sight of his friends, family or general public.
If we use spanking to gain the child's attention,
only in the short term,
only as an opening to training - then spanking can actually lead to a calmer lifestyle.
Why?
When children are small and have not developed a proper respect for our authority, they will run off, touch things they shouldn't, demand their way - in other words, they can harm themselves or others very quickly. It's important that you have a way to get them under control immediately.
As you know, I have three children. When they were small I spanked each one of them. I probably only spanked them three or four times each. The spanking was only an attention getter to let them know that I was in control and they were expected to mind me at all times. Most of the time when they were acting up, I grabbed both arms and pulled their little bodies close to my face. I let them know by my tone and facial expression that what they were doing would not be tolerated. By age four or five, even that action stopped.
Your goal as a parent is not to produce total fear in your child. You don't want them to snap to or be little robots for your every order.
Your goal as a parent is to help your child understand the rules and learn how to navigate through his life, respecting authority - but also being an honorable person able to distinguish right from wrong.
Helping them do that means you have to set an initial framework that says - "When Mommy or Daddy speaks - I need to listen." At age two when your child begins a temper tantrum, you shouldn't ignore it. It will only appear in another form later. Swat the child on the behind. Pick him up forcibly and hold him tight in your lap. Repeat these words over and over. "I love you very much, but this behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. You will calm down or you will be punished further. I will not let you go until you say you are sorry and you are able to talk about this problem."
The swat is the attention getter. It says, "I'm in control, you will listen to me." It's the training that follows that actually changes the behavior.
You only need to swat (spank) a child a few times for him to understand that you are in control. After that, you will need different ways of getting your message across.
One of my sons received several swats in his lifetime. The other son only received one. Ken was about 2 1/2 and was instructed to leave an item alone. Several times he ignored my directions. I had no choice but to announce, "If you touch that again, mommy will spank." He touched it and I rushed across the room to spank. He looked at me in terror and yelled, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!" I followed through with my threat (about two swats) so that he would understand next time to believe me, but I also made up my mind not to ever spank him again. From that moment on, his fear would be enough to control his behavior. I never had to resort to spanking again. Instead I found different ways of dealing with his problems. Most of the time my disappointment or a really angry face was enough to let him know he "must" comply.
Ken has become an extremely logical person. It's never necessary to yell or fuss at him. All that's needed to get his attention is to calmly say, "I have a problem." He is a music minister and has been complimented by many people. "He knows just how to get the group to perform without making people angry or upset." Humm.... It seems very important now that I understood his fear of spanking and allowed him to be disciplined in a different manner.
Make it a point to see through the personalities of each child and understand that each of them must be dealt with in a manner that will work with their own personalities. Require the same adherence to house rules for every child but never, never, never discipline each child exactly the same. Always fit the discipline to the personality of the child.
When Jamie was about three, I took him and his twin sister to a local discount store for pictures. Since we were poor, these pictures were going to be gifts to relatives. I was hoping for really good pictures. The twins loved it when papaw took pictures so I was sure there would be no problems. Memaw went along and just to make the adventure more fun, she offered to buy them each a really nice toy. She would only buy the toy if they smiled and made good pictures. I agreed that would be a wonderful idea and we began to talk and sing about it all the way to the store.
Waiting in line for 30 minutes didn't keep the children in a good mood. I did all I could to keep them distracted. When I placed Amie on the stool she smiled and giggled and was very good. When I placed Jamie on the stool he began to cry. He wanted down. He didn't like the lights.
I took his face in my hand and said, "This will only last a few minutes. Just one cartoon long. There will be no toy if you don't sit still and smile." He snuffed. I wiped his face. But the moment he looked at the camera he cried. I told the photographer to give me another second. I checked to see if he was hungry. If he was thirsty. If he needed to go to the bathroom. I talked to him about why he was crying. Was he scared? Nothing worked. When the camera came into view, he cried.
Spanking for this situation would be totally wrong. Never spank when there is a goal in view (the toy) that can simply be taken away. And never spank for a situation that the child will need to feel good about later on. Jamie would face many picture taking situations the rest of his life.
He tried hard and we did get pictures, but it was obvious in the pictures that he had been crying and that he was unhappy. There never was a smile. It was all over with in about 10 minutes. But I was left with a problem. The requirement for a toy was to smile. He didn't. Now what was I to do?
We went to the toy aisle and Amie picked out a Barbie microphone. She was singing all over the store. As I walked away from the toys Jamie began to whimper. I explained the rule, but he just looked at Amie with her toy and cried. I felt horrible. If I bought him a toy I not only was going back on what I said, but I was deflating Amie's achievement. Time to call in the reinforcements. I called Dad. After explaining my dilemma, he said:
"Debbie, if you buy a toy for Jamie what will happen the next time you put requirements on something you want him to do. It would be a lot easier to buy him something and not have to face this problem now. Just walk away. Don't think about the future. But next time you require Jamie to perform in order to receive praise, he's not going to believe you. You will spend the next 10 years or more trying to convince him that you mean what you say. But if you walk away now and endure the pain of this situation, he will always know that if mom says something - she will follow through. It's a matter of building trust."
I walked out of the store feeling just as horrible as Jamie did. I watched him in the rear view mirror crying and looking sad while Amie played with her toy. When we got home I cuddled him and told him how hard it was for me not to buy him a toy. I told him how much it hurt to see him sad. I explained that someday he would be big just like me and some employer would ask him to do something and if he didn't he might lose his job. Someday he would have a family and they would need him to be faithful or to work hard. Someday he would be glad that he learned this lesson. We need to follow every requirement in order to gain the prize.
As an adult, Jamie is the most dedicated person I know. He gives his customers more than most businesses and he treats everyone around him with respect. Jamie is an honora
ble man and works hard not to let people down. He goes way beyond what most people would do for family and friends and has been known to stay up until 4 and 5 in the morning just to be sure and meet a deadline. Was that because I swatted him at two or maybe because once upon a time he learned that you don't get the prize if you don't do the work?
And guess what he became? A photographer. And guess what more people at weddings compliment him on? The fact that he is understanding with children and can get them to smile for pictures. Hummmm..... http://www.jamiejansenphoto.com/
Don't just spank your children - train them for the future.
God loves you,
Debbie
I was alarmed today to see on Fox news that someone was making and giving away spanking "paddles". They were huge! I think (I'm not a great judge of sizes) he was just taking a 2x4 plank and sanding it down. Even when he placed a message on the "plank" saying "Do not use in anger" - it still would not be something I would use on any child. (check tomorrow for the story on www.foxnews.com/foxfriends/index.html )
Fox interviewed a psychologist about the incident. She was totally against any spanking and said that all disciplinary actions could be done with the "hairy eyeball" (a mean look). I don't think that would work either.
So, what is the answer? I don't agree with either one.
First let's look at the problem.
You've heard the old saying, Spare the rod, spoil the child.
The Bible says, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." Proverbs 13-24
"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." Prov. 23:13-14
Because of those verses many Christian parents believe it is within their rights to spank their children well into the pre-teen years. Some even believe in beating their children. I don't think that the Bible ever supports abuse with anyone at anytime. Christianity is about compassion, love and logical requirements for a good life.
Some psychologists have determined through statistics (which many times are unreliable) that adult domestic violence can be related to any type of spanking. I think that's probably a far stretch.
Here's the truth about discipline and spanking....
First we have to determine the purpose of spanking. Spanking in and of itself will not change behavior. Spanking alone is nothing more than hitting. If you are a good parent, you probably teach your child not to hit - if you hit, won't that cause confusion?
Spanking alone without any other input or if it's used as a constant disciplinary tool can cause domestic violence later on.
Restricted spanking coupled with training will change behavior.
For example, spanking should not be done with anything other than your hand and it should only be done on the buttocks. You should never shake a child or slap their face. Anything other than a swat or two on the buttocks to gain their attention is hitting and not good discipline.
Never spank just because you are angry. And never use anything other than your hand. Paddles are a bad idea because you can cause major damage without knowing it. By using your hand, you can feel the sting of the impact and you will know and understand just how hard you are spanking.
Never spank past the age of four. By this time you should have developed other methods of gaining your child's attention. By this time their vocabulary will be large enough that you should be able to reason with them and talk to them as you restrain them to your lap. By this time you can use behavior modification and they will understand why.
Never spank (or discipline for that matter) in public. Discipline is never successful when linked to embarrassment. Embarrassment is not a proper tool for changing behavior. If your child is acting up, take him to a bathroom, behind a door, under a bush - anywhere but in full sight of his friends, family or general public.
If we use spanking to gain the child's attention,
only in the short term,
only as an opening to training - then spanking can actually lead to a calmer lifestyle.
Why?
When children are small and have not developed a proper respect for our authority, they will run off, touch things they shouldn't, demand their way - in other words, they can harm themselves or others very quickly. It's important that you have a way to get them under control immediately.
As you know, I have three children. When they were small I spanked each one of them. I probably only spanked them three or four times each. The spanking was only an attention getter to let them know that I was in control and they were expected to mind me at all times. Most of the time when they were acting up, I grabbed both arms and pulled their little bodies close to my face. I let them know by my tone and facial expression that what they were doing would not be tolerated. By age four or five, even that action stopped.
Your goal as a parent is not to produce total fear in your child. You don't want them to snap to or be little robots for your every order.
Your goal as a parent is to help your child understand the rules and learn how to navigate through his life, respecting authority - but also being an honorable person able to distinguish right from wrong.
Helping them do that means you have to set an initial framework that says - "When Mommy or Daddy speaks - I need to listen." At age two when your child begins a temper tantrum, you shouldn't ignore it. It will only appear in another form later. Swat the child on the behind. Pick him up forcibly and hold him tight in your lap. Repeat these words over and over. "I love you very much, but this behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. You will calm down or you will be punished further. I will not let you go until you say you are sorry and you are able to talk about this problem."
The swat is the attention getter. It says, "I'm in control, you will listen to me." It's the training that follows that actually changes the behavior.
You only need to swat (spank) a child a few times for him to understand that you are in control. After that, you will need different ways of getting your message across.
One of my sons received several swats in his lifetime. The other son only received one. Ken was about 2 1/2 and was instructed to leave an item alone. Several times he ignored my directions. I had no choice but to announce, "If you touch that again, mommy will spank." He touched it and I rushed across the room to spank. He looked at me in terror and yelled, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!" I followed through with my threat (about two swats) so that he would understand next time to believe me, but I also made up my mind not to ever spank him again. From that moment on, his fear would be enough to control his behavior. I never had to resort to spanking again. Instead I found different ways of dealing with his problems. Most of the time my disappointment or a really angry face was enough to let him know he "must" comply.
Ken has become an extremely logical person. It's never necessary to yell or fuss at him. All that's needed to get his attention is to calmly say, "I have a problem." He is a music minister and has been complimented by many people. "He knows just how to get the group to perform without making people angry or upset." Humm.... It seems very important now that I understood his fear of spanking and allowed him to be disciplined in a different manner.
Make it a point to see through the personalities of each child and understand that each of them must be dealt with in a manner that will work with their own personalities. Require the same adherence to house rules for every child but never, never, never discipline each child exactly the same. Always fit the discipline to the personality of the child.
When Jamie was about three, I took him and his twin sister to a local discount store for pictures. Since we were poor, these pictures were going to be gifts to relatives. I was hoping for really good pictures. The twins loved it when papaw took pictures so I was sure there would be no problems. Memaw went along and just to make the adventure more fun, she offered to buy them each a really nice toy. She would only buy the toy if they smiled and made good pictures. I agreed that would be a wonderful idea and we began to talk and sing about it all the way to the store.
Waiting in line for 30 minutes didn't keep the children in a good mood. I did all I could to keep them distracted. When I placed Amie on the stool she smiled and giggled and was very good. When I placed Jamie on the stool he began to cry. He wanted down. He didn't like the lights.
I took his face in my hand and said, "This will only last a few minutes. Just one cartoon long. There will be no toy if you don't sit still and smile." He snuffed. I wiped his face. But the moment he looked at the camera he cried. I told the photographer to give me another second. I checked to see if he was hungry. If he was thirsty. If he needed to go to the bathroom. I talked to him about why he was crying. Was he scared? Nothing worked. When the camera came into view, he cried.
Spanking for this situation would be totally wrong. Never spank when there is a goal in view (the toy) that can simply be taken away. And never spank for a situation that the child will need to feel good about later on. Jamie would face many picture taking situations the rest of his life.
He tried hard and we did get pictures, but it was obvious in the pictures that he had been crying and that he was unhappy. There never was a smile. It was all over with in about 10 minutes. But I was left with a problem. The requirement for a toy was to smile. He didn't. Now what was I to do?
We went to the toy aisle and Amie picked out a Barbie microphone. She was singing all over the store. As I walked away from the toys Jamie began to whimper. I explained the rule, but he just looked at Amie with her toy and cried. I felt horrible. If I bought him a toy I not only was going back on what I said, but I was deflating Amie's achievement. Time to call in the reinforcements. I called Dad. After explaining my dilemma, he said:
"Debbie, if you buy a toy for Jamie what will happen the next time you put requirements on something you want him to do. It would be a lot easier to buy him something and not have to face this problem now. Just walk away. Don't think about the future. But next time you require Jamie to perform in order to receive praise, he's not going to believe you. You will spend the next 10 years or more trying to convince him that you mean what you say. But if you walk away now and endure the pain of this situation, he will always know that if mom says something - she will follow through. It's a matter of building trust."
I walked out of the store feeling just as horrible as Jamie did. I watched him in the rear view mirror crying and looking sad while Amie played with her toy. When we got home I cuddled him and told him how hard it was for me not to buy him a toy. I told him how much it hurt to see him sad. I explained that someday he would be big just like me and some employer would ask him to do something and if he didn't he might lose his job. Someday he would have a family and they would need him to be faithful or to work hard. Someday he would be glad that he learned this lesson. We need to follow every requirement in order to gain the prize.
As an adult, Jamie is the most dedicated person I know. He gives his customers more than most businesses and he treats everyone around him with respect. Jamie is an honora
ble man and works hard not to let people down. He goes way beyond what most people would do for family and friends and has been known to stay up until 4 and 5 in the morning just to be sure and meet a deadline. Was that because I swatted him at two or maybe because once upon a time he learned that you don't get the prize if you don't do the work?And guess what he became? A photographer. And guess what more people at weddings compliment him on? The fact that he is understanding with children and can get them to smile for pictures. Hummmm..... http://www.jamiejansenphoto.com/
Don't just spank your children - train them for the future.
God loves you,
Debbie
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Great Questions!
Thanks for all the wonderful questions and comments! Please keep them coming! If you can't get something posted in the comment section, just send me an e-mail at debbie@debbiejansen.com
Now, someone asked if you should always be a strict disciplinarian? NO, no, no...... It's called balance. If it is a problem that will cause your child to lose friends and to hurt their lives then it must be dealt with. But deal with it in the same manner you would like your own parents or your employer to deal with a problem you have.
Be Firm.
Have creative suggestions.
Be understanding of how hard it is to change a habit.
Once you have their attention, be compassionate and a little funny.
Don't be a nag.
Give lots of hugs and praise.
And create balance with every problem.
Remember, nothing is solved in a day. You can't possibly change one of your bad habits the first time it's noticed. Don't expect that of your child. Give them the room to try and fail. Teach them that failing isn't the end of the world if you get up and try again.
I love what Gloria Gaither said in one of her concerts. She was talking about her children and how hard it was to balance life and career and children. I don't remember it word for word but it was something like this:
"Good parenting is all about balance. It's knowing when to insist they clean their room and when to make smores and have a picnic under the dining room table. It's knowing when to make them do their homework and when to drop everything and go see a movie. It's knowing when to look at hopeful faces and understand that the chores can wait one more day while they go out with their friends. Good parenting is trying very hard to treat your children with the same wisdom and compassion as God treats us."
Wow! Yep.... that just about says it all.
We were having supper last night with Ron's sister Cheryl and her family. The conversation drifted into past experiences on the farm and then to things each family had done. I was thinking about yesterday's post and was pretty sure the kids would get to some "disciplinary action" that Ron or I had imposed. For two hours we talked and the things that seemed to be most important were the times that we giggled, laughed, had water fights and played games.
I thought about that a lot last night. Perhaps what parents need to understand is that when we discipline or train our children - they will love us for it and will not have a problem with it if.......
.........FIRST we are their friend. FIRST they have wonderful days of fun and laughter to remember.......FIRST they get hugs and kisses.
It's much easier to learn life lessons from someone you trust, admire, love and have fun times with. No one wants to learn from a grouchy, mean spirited nag.
So.....Talk to your child about how to be a good person. Hug them hard. Wait 20 minutes and then challenge them to a water gun fight - just be sure you have the largest gun!
God loves you,
Debbie
Now, someone asked if you should always be a strict disciplinarian? NO, no, no...... It's called balance. If it is a problem that will cause your child to lose friends and to hurt their lives then it must be dealt with. But deal with it in the same manner you would like your own parents or your employer to deal with a problem you have.
Be Firm.
Have creative suggestions.
Be understanding of how hard it is to change a habit.
Once you have their attention, be compassionate and a little funny.
Don't be a nag.
Give lots of hugs and praise.
And create balance with every problem.
Remember, nothing is solved in a day. You can't possibly change one of your bad habits the first time it's noticed. Don't expect that of your child. Give them the room to try and fail. Teach them that failing isn't the end of the world if you get up and try again.
I love what Gloria Gaither said in one of her concerts. She was talking about her children and how hard it was to balance life and career and children. I don't remember it word for word but it was something like this:
"Good parenting is all about balance. It's knowing when to insist they clean their room and when to make smores and have a picnic under the dining room table. It's knowing when to make them do their homework and when to drop everything and go see a movie. It's knowing when to look at hopeful faces and understand that the chores can wait one more day while they go out with their friends. Good parenting is trying very hard to treat your children with the same wisdom and compassion as God treats us."
Wow! Yep.... that just about says it all.
We were having supper last night with Ron's sister Cheryl and her family. The conversation drifted into past experiences on the farm and then to things each family had done. I was thinking about yesterday's post and was pretty sure the kids would get to some "disciplinary action" that Ron or I had imposed. For two hours we talked and the things that seemed to be most important were the times that we giggled, laughed, had water fights and played games.
I thought about that a lot last night. Perhaps what parents need to understand is that when we discipline or train our children - they will love us for it and will not have a problem with it if.......
.........FIRST we are their friend. FIRST they have wonderful days of fun and laughter to remember.......FIRST they get hugs and kisses.
It's much easier to learn life lessons from someone you trust, admire, love and have fun times with. No one wants to learn from a grouchy, mean spirited nag.
So.....Talk to your child about how to be a good person. Hug them hard. Wait 20 minutes and then challenge them to a water gun fight - just be sure you have the largest gun!
God loves you,
Debbie
Monday, June 25, 2007
Painful Parenting
A very young mother asked me what I thought was the biggest mistake parents make.
My reply…… “Parents who love secrets and lies.”
“What do you mean? How could any parent love lies?”
There are a lot of good parents. Parents who do everything they can to give their child a good life. They provide all the right clothes, all the right food and would never let their child miss a doctor’s appointment. They love their child more than life itself. Many times these parents have Christian backgrounds and are doing their best to train the child to be all God wants them to be.
Yet - it’s their “love” that gets in the way and causes them to go for the pain.
“Okay Debbie, now you have lost your mind. How in the world can real love cause pain?”
Parents walk a thin tightrope. We must stay perfectly balanced between disciplinarian and compassionate friend. We have to know when to hold the child to the line and when to come to their rescue because the situation is absolutely too much for them.
Making those decisions takes time, focus and a lot of wisdom. Many times we make a rash decision when we are pushed and stressed that will not benefit the child in the future. I’ve made those decisions (unfortunately) so I understand it completely.
“Debbie, make it simple! How can a parent love a child too much and what about lies.”
Every parent looks at their child and sees perfection. That’s how it should be. This child is an extension of us. We have created a human being and it’s the most perfect thing we can do. They look like us; they talk like us – wow! No love on the planet could possibly feel like this. That’s exactly how it should be.
But when that love prevents us from preparing our child for a world that does NOT see him as perfect – pain will follow. Children will only stay beautiful when they learn to follow societies rules and when they are taught that the world does NOT revolve around them.
Anytime a parent looks the other way when a child is rude, selfish or mean – Pain is inevitable.
You must insist that the deviant behavior be met with punishment or deter it in some way or – Pain is inevitable.
You must be brave enough at times to look at your child in a disappointed way or with an angry tone and let him know that this behavior will not be tolerated.
Example: Your child bites other children in daycare. Do you realize that no one will be able to stop him without your involvement first?
“Yeah, but wait a minute. How can I change the behavior if I’m not there?”
Because, you are the parent – you can change the behavior of your child even when you are not with him. What you teach your child becomes a part of him. What other people teach your child is only connected only by what they have learned from you. It’s not truly a part of his inner thoughts and behavior.
What a teacher requires at school will only be thought of as a request. What you require of him will become a part of who he is.
So…..if you teach your child that biting is wrong and you spend time finding ways to convince him of that --- you will have success. All his teacher can do is punish the bad behavior You can instill good behavior.
How does a parent love a child too much? They want to believe he’s as perfect as they see him and they don’t want to hurt his feelings or damage his ego. They have the mistaken idea that being “kind” means allowing bad behavior. They make light of faults and say things like,
“He’s just energetic” – when he’s running around a store or at someone’s house breaking things.
“She’s just sensitive” – when she’s actually selfish and hasn’t learned to share.
“He’s just honest” -- when he’s being rude and hurting people’s feelings.
“She’s just difficult or slow” -- when she can’t play well with others.
There is only one reason a parent shouldn't train their child social skills – if they are retarded or mentally incapable.
Don’t you dare tell me your selfish child is incapable of learning how to be nice to others and yet he makes straight A’s at school. If a child has even a small amount of intellect they can learn social graces.
Parents - you must learn to see your child's faults as opportunities for training him for a better life. The most loving and kind thing you will do for your child is to train him in social graces.....because if you don't people will lie to you both.
The Lies:
Parents who love their children as they are without requiring any growth or social development desperately want to believe lies.
“Finally….tell me about the lies.”
Every person on the planet at one time or another in their life has lied for the sake of social dynamics.
For example, “How do you like my new dress?” It’s not hard to say how beautiful it is when it’s on a local beauty pageant winner. But when it’s on 245 lb. Aunt Martha and the dress is purple and green polka dots with a yellow bow – it’s pretty hard to be nice. So what does the normal person say? Are we completely honest? We can save a lot of time by simply saying nothing and responding in a generic way. “Wow…now that’s unique!” or "My goodness Aunt Martha, that dress is you!"
WE have all done that! So parents….stop believing the lies. When other people look at your spoiled child and nod as you tell them they are just creative….don’t believe the lie that they actually understand or like his bad behavior.
NO ONE LIKES BAD BEHAVIOR in anyone - child or adult. And no matter what lies they tell you – once they are out of your presence they will not be complimentary about your child.
If you want to be sure that people think well of your child, train them….If you want the compliments they get to be real and from the heart, train them….If you want to hear wonderful responses from teacher, co-workers, friends, employers, train them. Selfish, rude, spoiled people do not have the same kind of lives that loving, kind, giving people have.
Example: Have you ever watched or painfully known a child that desperately wanted friends. He would give away everything he owned just to be invited to a birthday party. Yet no one invites him. And even if per chance some sweet little thing wants to be nice and invites your spoiled child to the party - no one will talk to or play with him. Why? Because you have believed the lie.
Another example is a bully. Their frustration has taken them in a different direction. They want to try to "make" someone be their friend. But that doesn't work either.
Both of these examples are young people crying out for help. They don't know the rules or how to succeed in life and guess who they blame for that -- YOU.
The most blessed thing a parent can hear is "Hey mom, thanks for all the training. It's made a difference in my life. Dad, thanks for all the info, I'm a better man because of it.
And if you raise a child who knows the rules and keeps them - you will hear those words.
One of my children just went through a difficult situation with an employer. The employer was certifiably unprofessional and totally wrong. Yet my child handled the situation with grace and more wisdom than I could have mustered up. When I complimented this child on their self-control and wisdom, he/she returned the compliment by saying - "Mom, you're the one. Thanks for all the training. I wouldn't have made it through this without all the things you've taught me."
All the times I went out of my way to train and to come up with something-anything that might help get my point across....all of the worry and prayer.... in that moment - it was all worth it. I would do it a million times over just to hear those words one more time.
If you really love your child you will learn all you can about social dynamics and you will train your child to be successful socially. If you can’t take the time to do that, get ready for pain. Because your child will not only turn on his own friends, he will turn on you.
Let’s go back to my one pet peeve. Train your child. God gave that life to you and he is expecting you to do your best. He didn’t give your child to anyone else. He wants you to be responsible for the growth and social graces of your children. Train them…..
Now, one more thing…
My reply…… “Parents who love secrets and lies.”
“What do you mean? How could any parent love lies?”
There are a lot of good parents. Parents who do everything they can to give their child a good life. They provide all the right clothes, all the right food and would never let their child miss a doctor’s appointment. They love their child more than life itself. Many times these parents have Christian backgrounds and are doing their best to train the child to be all God wants them to be.
Yet - it’s their “love” that gets in the way and causes them to go for the pain.
“Okay Debbie, now you have lost your mind. How in the world can real love cause pain?”
Parents walk a thin tightrope. We must stay perfectly balanced between disciplinarian and compassionate friend. We have to know when to hold the child to the line and when to come to their rescue because the situation is absolutely too much for them.
Making those decisions takes time, focus and a lot of wisdom. Many times we make a rash decision when we are pushed and stressed that will not benefit the child in the future. I’ve made those decisions (unfortunately) so I understand it completely.
“Debbie, make it simple! How can a parent love a child too much and what about lies.”
Every parent looks at their child and sees perfection. That’s how it should be. This child is an extension of us. We have created a human being and it’s the most perfect thing we can do. They look like us; they talk like us – wow! No love on the planet could possibly feel like this. That’s exactly how it should be.
But when that love prevents us from preparing our child for a world that does NOT see him as perfect – pain will follow. Children will only stay beautiful when they learn to follow societies rules and when they are taught that the world does NOT revolve around them.
Anytime a parent looks the other way when a child is rude, selfish or mean – Pain is inevitable.
You must insist that the deviant behavior be met with punishment or deter it in some way or – Pain is inevitable.
You must be brave enough at times to look at your child in a disappointed way or with an angry tone and let him know that this behavior will not be tolerated.
Example: Your child bites other children in daycare. Do you realize that no one will be able to stop him without your involvement first?
“Yeah, but wait a minute. How can I change the behavior if I’m not there?”
Because, you are the parent – you can change the behavior of your child even when you are not with him. What you teach your child becomes a part of him. What other people teach your child is only connected only by what they have learned from you. It’s not truly a part of his inner thoughts and behavior.
What a teacher requires at school will only be thought of as a request. What you require of him will become a part of who he is.
So…..if you teach your child that biting is wrong and you spend time finding ways to convince him of that --- you will have success. All his teacher can do is punish the bad behavior You can instill good behavior.
How does a parent love a child too much? They want to believe he’s as perfect as they see him and they don’t want to hurt his feelings or damage his ego. They have the mistaken idea that being “kind” means allowing bad behavior. They make light of faults and say things like,
“He’s just energetic” – when he’s running around a store or at someone’s house breaking things.
“She’s just sensitive” – when she’s actually selfish and hasn’t learned to share.
“He’s just honest” -- when he’s being rude and hurting people’s feelings.
“She’s just difficult or slow” -- when she can’t play well with others.
There is only one reason a parent shouldn't train their child social skills – if they are retarded or mentally incapable.
Don’t you dare tell me your selfish child is incapable of learning how to be nice to others and yet he makes straight A’s at school. If a child has even a small amount of intellect they can learn social graces.
Parents - you must learn to see your child's faults as opportunities for training him for a better life. The most loving and kind thing you will do for your child is to train him in social graces.....because if you don't people will lie to you both.
The Lies:
Parents who love their children as they are without requiring any growth or social development desperately want to believe lies.
“Finally….tell me about the lies.”
Every person on the planet at one time or another in their life has lied for the sake of social dynamics.
For example, “How do you like my new dress?” It’s not hard to say how beautiful it is when it’s on a local beauty pageant winner. But when it’s on 245 lb. Aunt Martha and the dress is purple and green polka dots with a yellow bow – it’s pretty hard to be nice. So what does the normal person say? Are we completely honest? We can save a lot of time by simply saying nothing and responding in a generic way. “Wow…now that’s unique!” or "My goodness Aunt Martha, that dress is you!"
WE have all done that! So parents….stop believing the lies. When other people look at your spoiled child and nod as you tell them they are just creative….don’t believe the lie that they actually understand or like his bad behavior.
NO ONE LIKES BAD BEHAVIOR in anyone - child or adult. And no matter what lies they tell you – once they are out of your presence they will not be complimentary about your child.
If you want to be sure that people think well of your child, train them….If you want the compliments they get to be real and from the heart, train them….If you want to hear wonderful responses from teacher, co-workers, friends, employers, train them. Selfish, rude, spoiled people do not have the same kind of lives that loving, kind, giving people have.
Example: Have you ever watched or painfully known a child that desperately wanted friends. He would give away everything he owned just to be invited to a birthday party. Yet no one invites him. And even if per chance some sweet little thing wants to be nice and invites your spoiled child to the party - no one will talk to or play with him. Why? Because you have believed the lie.
Another example is a bully. Their frustration has taken them in a different direction. They want to try to "make" someone be their friend. But that doesn't work either.
Both of these examples are young people crying out for help. They don't know the rules or how to succeed in life and guess who they blame for that -- YOU.
The most blessed thing a parent can hear is "Hey mom, thanks for all the training. It's made a difference in my life. Dad, thanks for all the info, I'm a better man because of it.
And if you raise a child who knows the rules and keeps them - you will hear those words.
One of my children just went through a difficult situation with an employer. The employer was certifiably unprofessional and totally wrong. Yet my child handled the situation with grace and more wisdom than I could have mustered up. When I complimented this child on their self-control and wisdom, he/she returned the compliment by saying - "Mom, you're the one. Thanks for all the training. I wouldn't have made it through this without all the things you've taught me."
All the times I went out of my way to train and to come up with something-anything that might help get my point across....all of the worry and prayer.... in that moment - it was all worth it. I would do it a million times over just to hear those words one more time.
If you really love your child you will learn all you can about social dynamics and you will train your child to be successful socially. If you can’t take the time to do that, get ready for pain. Because your child will not only turn on his own friends, he will turn on you.
Let’s go back to my one pet peeve. Train your child. God gave that life to you and he is expecting you to do your best. He didn’t give your child to anyone else. He wants you to be responsible for the growth and social graces of your children. Train them…..
Now, one more thing…
God doesn't call the equipped - he equips the called. You are called to be a parent and you have all the resources you need to be a great parent. Read your Bible, pray for wisdom, read a good book and if you need feedback - write that Debbie Jansen person. I've heard she really cares and is willing to answer anyone's questions.
God loves you,
Debbie
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Are you afraid of your own Dog?
In response to yesterday's post, I received an e-mail asking several questions that all boiled down to one specific thought......"I'm afraid of my child."
Parenting books are wonderful. Thank God we have writers that are willing to put their own lives on the line in order to teach parenting. Thank God we have "talented" people (notice I didn't say a person with a degree. You can have a degree and still not be good at parenting) who parent from within and know exactly how to help us connect with our own children.
The down side to all of that information however, is confusion. Am I parenting properly? Will I hurt my child? What if I make a mistake, can it be corrected? Maybe I shouldn't have become a parent. If I mess up my own life, whose to say I won't mess up their life as well.
Let me make this as simple as possible.....
1. Don't be afraid of guilt. Guilt can lead you to ask questions that will help you become a better parent. Guilt is like fear - it must be overcome in order for us to accomplish the impossible. Think for a moment what it was like when that first person stepped into a wicker basket and said, "Let's see how high I will go if I cut the rope." How about the first time someone said, "Let's get in this steel contraption and see if we can sink to the bottom of the ocean." How about when the first person said, "Take me up in this airplane so I can jump out with this thin little bed sheet."
Pushing ourselves beyond fear is a wonderful tool most of the time. The trick is being able to see the line that separates a plausible idea from a deadly one. Guilt is the same thing. Guilt can ask wonderful questions that will give you superb ideas. The trick is being able to see the line between proper questions and questions that will lead you to a life of depression.
You will make mistakes. Accept it. But also question the mistakes you've made and make sure you don't do them again. Question the situation so you can eliminate other mistakes as well.
2. Have you ever owned a dog? (I don't know about cats.) I have owned six dogs. When you love them as puppies, they never forget it. They are very loyal. If you are good to them and take good care of them - they are calm, loving beings. I would never be afraid of my own dog. I know that my own dog would not hurt me.
Children are similar in that you don't need to be afraid of your own child. Yes, they can turn on you - but probably because you have taught them to mistrust you. If you have taught a child that you can be trusted and that you have made it a life goal to help them and not to hurt them - they will be just as loyal as a dog.
Problems come along because children have been taught to mistrust parents. Parents say, "I love you" and then treat their child more like a servant than a child. Parents are more interested in quiet than in spending time with their child. Terrible parents insist that a child's problems are insignificant or nothing compared to their own and refuse to help them through their pain. Parents lie and cheat by saying they can't attend the child's play or they can't afford a school trip and then take time for golf or buy a new car. In refusing to be honest, it's possible for parents to build a wall of mistrust that can't be scaled.
If you did that to a dog - any dog - they would bite you. And I can prove it. Take two puppies from the same litter and abuse one and love the other. The difference in their personalities and affection for you will be unbelievable.
Why then, when humans have so much more intelligence wouldn't the same thing happen? Being able to rationalize and understand should make us more in tune to love, not less. Ahhh....there's the real problem. Small children can see through anyone. They can spot a phony at 50 paces. Children are real with their feelings and they expect you to be real as well. Don't tell them they mean everything to you and then let them down the first time they have needs. Don't give them some phony baloney about how both of you need to work and then go out and buy a $400,000 home.
How can you be sure you are parenting properly? Look at your child when he is in a room full of other people. Is he confident, kind, able to play well with others? When he's with you does he show love and affection? When he does wrong is he comfortable talking with you about it, quick to want to make restitution and wants to try not to do it again?
Or does your child withdraw from others, seem uncomfortable - uneasy. Does he seem to lack confidence? Maybe he's the opposite and just bullies everyone. Can your child show love, affection and mercy to those around him?
What I'm driving at is that "test" day for parenting is when we send our children out to mix with others his own age. If he fails, make sure you are doing your part right - call them in and do some retraining and then send them out again.
If your child deals positively with others - you are doing a great job! If he doesn't, perhaps you need to change not only his habits but your own as well. Don't be afraid of your child....just train him properly.
And if your child deals negatively with others and you are not willing to restructure what you are doing - be very afraid.....cause that dog is gonna bite you someday!
God loves you,
Debbie
Parenting books are wonderful. Thank God we have writers that are willing to put their own lives on the line in order to teach parenting. Thank God we have "talented" people (notice I didn't say a person with a degree. You can have a degree and still not be good at parenting) who parent from within and know exactly how to help us connect with our own children.
The down side to all of that information however, is confusion. Am I parenting properly? Will I hurt my child? What if I make a mistake, can it be corrected? Maybe I shouldn't have become a parent. If I mess up my own life, whose to say I won't mess up their life as well.
Let me make this as simple as possible.....
1. Don't be afraid of guilt. Guilt can lead you to ask questions that will help you become a better parent. Guilt is like fear - it must be overcome in order for us to accomplish the impossible. Think for a moment what it was like when that first person stepped into a wicker basket and said, "Let's see how high I will go if I cut the rope." How about the first time someone said, "Let's get in this steel contraption and see if we can sink to the bottom of the ocean." How about when the first person said, "Take me up in this airplane so I can jump out with this thin little bed sheet."
Pushing ourselves beyond fear is a wonderful tool most of the time. The trick is being able to see the line that separates a plausible idea from a deadly one. Guilt is the same thing. Guilt can ask wonderful questions that will give you superb ideas. The trick is being able to see the line between proper questions and questions that will lead you to a life of depression.
You will make mistakes. Accept it. But also question the mistakes you've made and make sure you don't do them again. Question the situation so you can eliminate other mistakes as well.
2. Have you ever owned a dog? (I don't know about cats.) I have owned six dogs. When you love them as puppies, they never forget it. They are very loyal. If you are good to them and take good care of them - they are calm, loving beings. I would never be afraid of my own dog. I know that my own dog would not hurt me.
Children are similar in that you don't need to be afraid of your own child. Yes, they can turn on you - but probably because you have taught them to mistrust you. If you have taught a child that you can be trusted and that you have made it a life goal to help them and not to hurt them - they will be just as loyal as a dog.
Problems come along because children have been taught to mistrust parents. Parents say, "I love you" and then treat their child more like a servant than a child. Parents are more interested in quiet than in spending time with their child. Terrible parents insist that a child's problems are insignificant or nothing compared to their own and refuse to help them through their pain. Parents lie and cheat by saying they can't attend the child's play or they can't afford a school trip and then take time for golf or buy a new car. In refusing to be honest, it's possible for parents to build a wall of mistrust that can't be scaled.
If you did that to a dog - any dog - they would bite you. And I can prove it. Take two puppies from the same litter and abuse one and love the other. The difference in their personalities and affection for you will be unbelievable.
Why then, when humans have so much more intelligence wouldn't the same thing happen? Being able to rationalize and understand should make us more in tune to love, not less. Ahhh....there's the real problem. Small children can see through anyone. They can spot a phony at 50 paces. Children are real with their feelings and they expect you to be real as well. Don't tell them they mean everything to you and then let them down the first time they have needs. Don't give them some phony baloney about how both of you need to work and then go out and buy a $400,000 home.
How can you be sure you are parenting properly? Look at your child when he is in a room full of other people. Is he confident, kind, able to play well with others? When he's with you does he show love and affection? When he does wrong is he comfortable talking with you about it, quick to want to make restitution and wants to try not to do it again?
Or does your child withdraw from others, seem uncomfortable - uneasy. Does he seem to lack confidence? Maybe he's the opposite and just bullies everyone. Can your child show love, affection and mercy to those around him?
What I'm driving at is that "test" day for parenting is when we send our children out to mix with others his own age. If he fails, make sure you are doing your part right - call them in and do some retraining and then send them out again.
If your child deals positively with others - you are doing a great job! If he doesn't, perhaps you need to change not only his habits but your own as well. Don't be afraid of your child....just train him properly.
And if your child deals negatively with others and you are not willing to restructure what you are doing - be very afraid.....cause that dog is gonna bite you someday!
God loves you,
Debbie
Friday, June 22, 2007
Believe in your children
That's an odd statement - Don't most parents believe in their children?
No. In fact, most parents support the thought that their children can't understand or behave. Most parents trust the latest New York Times best seller parenting book or author before they trust their own child. Most parents believe in any psychiatric nonsense that will let them off the hook while proclaiming that their child is wonderful. Most parents believe that it's possible for a Daycare to give their child more guidance and a better life than they would have at home with Mom. Most parents believe that taking the easy way out is better than training their child.
I remember when Amie was about three and we faced a very difficult situation together. That's been almost 27 years ago, but it was an unforgettable day. I've always felt that it was important to teach my children to be self-controlled.
I don't remember why Jamie (they are twins) wasn't with me, but I was grocery shopping with Amie. Most grocery stores lined their checkout aisles with "kid" approved toys and candy. I was waiting in one of those lines and I had turned to look at a magazine. I picked it up and glanced at a few pages. We were too poor at that time for me to buy the magazine. Before I was too interested, I returned it to the rack.
In the mean time, Amie was close enough to pick up one of those cheap cardboard and plastic toys for $1.98. It wouldn't have lasted the trip to the car much less the trip home. I took it from her and replaced it. "No sweetie, not today." She began the assault.
"Please, mommy. I want it."
"No, Amie. Not this time."
"Please, please, please?"
"No darling, not this time."
"Why?" (You know how I feel about saying "because I say so." I had to give her an explanation.)
I leaned closer to her face. "Amie, mommy doesn't have the money for a toy that is going to break before we get it to the car. Perhaps next time I will have extra money and we can look for something that won't break."
"I won't let it break. Please, I want the toy." By this time the clerk is waiting for the next item in the basket and listening to every comment.
"Amie, look at me. I said no. We will get a lollipop for you and Jamie, but no toy."
She began to cry. I took her face in both hands and said. "Amie, you know the rule. If you cry for something the answer is no forever. I have given you a reason and we will talk about it more in the car. Stop this so we can get a lollipop."
Amie not only continued to cry - she got louder. The clerk tried to help by offering several lollipops. I politely refused. "I'm sorry, if she's crying she can't have anything." The clerk rolled her eyes and several people behind me began to whisper.
"It's okay Mame. I give these out all the time. She can have it and maybe that will help." The clerk held the lollipop toward Amie. To her shock, I grabbed them from her hand and leaned over the counter.
Between my teeth I politely said, "No thank you Mame. We are doing just fine. Amie will learn this lesson because it will help her when she is older." I returned the lollipops to the clerk's hand, ask her to finish ringing up the groceries, (Amie was still crying very loud) and explained that I would come back in just one minute to fill out the check.
While the clerk finished the groceries, I rolled Amie and the empty buggy to the front window and cupped my hands on her face. I pulled her close so that we were nose to nose. "Amie," I growled. "You will stop this. I have faith in you. I know that you can control yourself. Look around. Everyone is watching you. Do you want them to think you aren't being good? I have told you why we will not be getting the toy. You must trust me. It is a good decision. You can do this. Stop crying now!"
She gulped and whimpered, "I just want it."
I hugged her. "I know darling. There are a lot of things that mommy wants too, but I can't have them. Crying doesn't get anything for us. We have to work hard and make good decisions. Trust me....you will be fine. You can do this. I love you very much." She rubbed her eyes and held on to my arm. I pushed her closer to the line - but not where the buggy should have been. I paid for the groceries and pushed the overloaded buggy closer to Amie. I helped her out of her seat and we both pushed the groceries outside. We left without the toy and without any lollipops. All the way home we talked about what had happened and what her response should have been.
The next week I asked Mom to watch Jamie so Amie and I could return to the store together. We gathered the necessary groceries and headed for the checkout lanes. I purposely chose the one with the coveted $1.98 toy. Lucky for me, the same clerk was there. She rolled her eyes when she saw me coming. I leaned over to Amie and said, "I am so proud of you. You are a big girl and you can control any desire you want to. We have talked a lot about proper behavior in stores and I know that you can do this."
Amie smiled at me and then she saw the toy. I could tell her little mind was busy with thoughts. After a minute or so, she looked up at me. "Mommy, that toy isn't very good is it?"
"No, dear. I don't think it's very good."
"Can I have a lollipop?"
"You bet!"
"Do you think she would give me one for Jamie too?"
"Maybe, if you say please."
Amie smiled at the clerk. "Can I please have a lollipop - and one for my brother Jamie?"
She smiled and pinched Amie's nose. "You sure can." She gave Amie two lollipops and then she handed one to me. "All I can say is , Wow and sorry."
Believe in your children.
Teach them that there is nothing too hard for them.
Teach them that temptation is nothing compared to their own will to be their best.
Teach them that proper behavior brings great rewards.
God loves you,
Debbie
No. In fact, most parents support the thought that their children can't understand or behave. Most parents trust the latest New York Times best seller parenting book or author before they trust their own child. Most parents believe in any psychiatric nonsense that will let them off the hook while proclaiming that their child is wonderful. Most parents believe that it's possible for a Daycare to give their child more guidance and a better life than they would have at home with Mom. Most parents believe that taking the easy way out is better than training their child.
I remember when Amie was about three and we faced a very difficult situation together. That's been almost 27 years ago, but it was an unforgettable day. I've always felt that it was important to teach my children to be self-controlled.
I don't remember why Jamie (they are twins) wasn't with me, but I was grocery shopping with Amie. Most grocery stores lined their checkout aisles with "kid" approved toys and candy. I was waiting in one of those lines and I had turned to look at a magazine. I picked it up and glanced at a few pages. We were too poor at that time for me to buy the magazine. Before I was too interested, I returned it to the rack.
In the mean time, Amie was close enough to pick up one of those cheap cardboard and plastic toys for $1.98. It wouldn't have lasted the trip to the car much less the trip home. I took it from her and replaced it. "No sweetie, not today." She began the assault.
"Please, mommy. I want it."
"No, Amie. Not this time."
"Please, please, please?"
"No darling, not this time."
"Why?" (You know how I feel about saying "because I say so." I had to give her an explanation.)
I leaned closer to her face. "Amie, mommy doesn't have the money for a toy that is going to break before we get it to the car. Perhaps next time I will have extra money and we can look for something that won't break."
"I won't let it break. Please, I want the toy." By this time the clerk is waiting for the next item in the basket and listening to every comment.
"Amie, look at me. I said no. We will get a lollipop for you and Jamie, but no toy."
She began to cry. I took her face in both hands and said. "Amie, you know the rule. If you cry for something the answer is no forever. I have given you a reason and we will talk about it more in the car. Stop this so we can get a lollipop."
Amie not only continued to cry - she got louder. The clerk tried to help by offering several lollipops. I politely refused. "I'm sorry, if she's crying she can't have anything." The clerk rolled her eyes and several people behind me began to whisper.
"It's okay Mame. I give these out all the time. She can have it and maybe that will help." The clerk held the lollipop toward Amie. To her shock, I grabbed them from her hand and leaned over the counter.
Between my teeth I politely said, "No thank you Mame. We are doing just fine. Amie will learn this lesson because it will help her when she is older." I returned the lollipops to the clerk's hand, ask her to finish ringing up the groceries, (Amie was still crying very loud) and explained that I would come back in just one minute to fill out the check.
While the clerk finished the groceries, I rolled Amie and the empty buggy to the front window and cupped my hands on her face. I pulled her close so that we were nose to nose. "Amie," I growled. "You will stop this. I have faith in you. I know that you can control yourself. Look around. Everyone is watching you. Do you want them to think you aren't being good? I have told you why we will not be getting the toy. You must trust me. It is a good decision. You can do this. Stop crying now!"
She gulped and whimpered, "I just want it."
I hugged her. "I know darling. There are a lot of things that mommy wants too, but I can't have them. Crying doesn't get anything for us. We have to work hard and make good decisions. Trust me....you will be fine. You can do this. I love you very much." She rubbed her eyes and held on to my arm. I pushed her closer to the line - but not where the buggy should have been. I paid for the groceries and pushed the overloaded buggy closer to Amie. I helped her out of her seat and we both pushed the groceries outside. We left without the toy and without any lollipops. All the way home we talked about what had happened and what her response should have been.
The next week I asked Mom to watch Jamie so Amie and I could return to the store together. We gathered the necessary groceries and headed for the checkout lanes. I purposely chose the one with the coveted $1.98 toy. Lucky for me, the same clerk was there. She rolled her eyes when she saw me coming. I leaned over to Amie and said, "I am so proud of you. You are a big girl and you can control any desire you want to. We have talked a lot about proper behavior in stores and I know that you can do this."
Amie smiled at me and then she saw the toy. I could tell her little mind was busy with thoughts. After a minute or so, she looked up at me. "Mommy, that toy isn't very good is it?"
"No, dear. I don't think it's very good."
"Can I have a lollipop?"
"You bet!"
"Do you think she would give me one for Jamie too?"
"Maybe, if you say please."
Amie smiled at the clerk. "Can I please have a lollipop - and one for my brother Jamie?"
She smiled and pinched Amie's nose. "You sure can." She gave Amie two lollipops and then she handed one to me. "All I can say is , Wow and sorry."
Believe in your children.
Teach them that there is nothing too hard for them.
Teach them that temptation is nothing compared to their own will to be their best.
Teach them that proper behavior brings great rewards.
God loves you,
Debbie
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Help me pray for Jessie Davis
Jessie Davis, the missing mother of Canton, Ohio lives just a mile from my house.
There's been a lot going on here. I've watched the progress on Fox News and prayed for all those involved. I stood on my front porch and listened to the helicoptors overhead - and prayed. I walked around my house looking for anything unusual - and prayed. I was eating lunch when a group of about 10 people walked through my yard searching. I called to them and told them I was praying for them.
I can't imagine waiting to find out if your child is alive or dead. I can't imagine growing up knowing someone murdered you Mom.(if that is the case) I can't imagine never feeling closure to a precious part of your life.
I don't know the family but I'm asking that you join with me in prayer that they will feel the comfort of God no matter what happens. Ask that all those involved: police, fire, searchers, investigators, family, friends and television spectators, etc. - Ask that all those people feel the hand of God tugging at their hearts and his love and compassion filling the air they breathe.
Praying defines a Christian. Praying is simply taking our requests to God and finding a way to communicate with diety. Communicate with God today. Ask him to be real to you. Ask him to be real to those you know. And ask him to be real to those you have compassion for.
"Dear God, please save America. Comfort Jessie Davis's family. Guide those involved and let everyone resolve to the fact that you are our source of strength."
God loves you,
Debbie
There's been a lot going on here. I've watched the progress on Fox News and prayed for all those involved. I stood on my front porch and listened to the helicoptors overhead - and prayed. I walked around my house looking for anything unusual - and prayed. I was eating lunch when a group of about 10 people walked through my yard searching. I called to them and told them I was praying for them.
I can't imagine waiting to find out if your child is alive or dead. I can't imagine growing up knowing someone murdered you Mom.(if that is the case) I can't imagine never feeling closure to a precious part of your life.
I don't know the family but I'm asking that you join with me in prayer that they will feel the comfort of God no matter what happens. Ask that all those involved: police, fire, searchers, investigators, family, friends and television spectators, etc. - Ask that all those people feel the hand of God tugging at their hearts and his love and compassion filling the air they breathe.
Praying defines a Christian. Praying is simply taking our requests to God and finding a way to communicate with diety. Communicate with God today. Ask him to be real to you. Ask him to be real to those you know. And ask him to be real to those you have compassion for.
"Dear God, please save America. Comfort Jessie Davis's family. Guide those involved and let everyone resolve to the fact that you are our source of strength."
God loves you,
Debbie
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Do you play solitaire?
Good morning everyone. I hope you are having a wonderful day.
I'm a little sad today. Mom has been visiting with me for quiet a while. Dad drove from Georgia last week to take her home. They left this morning. I had a wonderful week-end with them and was sad that they had to go back to Georgia. Please pray that their trip will be safe and that they will sell their house so they can move here permanently.
They left VERY early. I'm not a morning person. I wanted to finish a post for the blog, but found myself staring with sleepy eyes at a blank screen.
I looked at a little e-mail and browsed through some websites. My heart just wasn't into deep thought. Finally I decided to go lay down, but first I would play a game of spider solitaire.
Sometimes, that game seems to give me a little spurt. I don't play it very often but have found when I feel out of sorts it seems to help. This morning I looked at the screen and wondered why I thought a silly game that doesn't matter to anyone would be stimulating. I enjoy purpose. I am driven to find purpose in almost everything in my life. Why at this moment does a mindless game of simply sorting seem appropriate?
My mom and Dad are very organized people. Everything has a place and it "must" return to it's place - or else! Since I'm a free thinker who needs everything around me at once - translation - a messy writer.....very few things have "a place". Needless to say messy daughter and organized parents rarely see eye to eye on the proper care of houses. I'm just not your typical "I've got to be cleaning or sorting" person.
So why did I feel the need to sort a bunch of make believe cards? For those of you that don't play solitaire - the game is very simple. 100 cards are dealt into 10 piles. You can only see the top card. You have to sort the cards by numbers from face cards to 10 and 10-2 and finish with the Ace. Once you have made one row of those, the computer will place that run at the bottom of the screen. Each time you move one of the cards in the rows, it reveals another card underneath. You keep sorting and moving until all the cards are in their proper suit and run and at the bottom of your screen.
It's a challenging game in that you can get stuck if you don't make the right moves to allow the hidden cards to be shown. But it's not rocket science to simply sort the cards into piles.
So why did I feel the need to sort a bunch of cards?
I started getting angry just thinking that I somehow had this need. I remembered a quote from the movie "You've got mail". One of the characters remarked that an entire company had to have solitaire removed from it's computer banks because too many employees were wasting time during work playing solitaire. I also remembered a lawyer I used to work for who would spend hours playing on the computer because he said he was bored!
What could possibly be more boring than playing a computer card game? It doesn't matter to anyone, it's completely repetitious and there are no redeeming qualities whatsoever.....
Man!....the more I thought about this, the more frustrated I became. I started to shut the computer down and fix some coffee when it dawned on me why we find this game so alluring.
My parents are leaving. One son is changing jobs. Ron is considering retirement. Another son is overwhelmed with a growing business. A friend is sick. Another friend is contemplating divorce. Still another friend is making a bad choice. My daughter is thinking about moving very far away. Still more company is coming and my house is a mess.
My life is wonderful - but very busy. None of the family issues we face can be solved quickly. Every situation will take time and energy to resolve.
But sitting at my computer I can take a mess (of cards) and quickly resolve it into an organized set. And subconsciously that is comforting.
Is your life a mess right now? Please send me a prayer request and I will pray for you. Find something in your life that will give you a moments release.
Maybe it will be taking the time to spend a minute with God.
You might enjoy getting up early and watching the sunrise.
Maybe it's reading 10 pages of an interesting novel.
Perhaps it's watching some old sit com.
Maybe you need to take the grand kids to get ice cream.
Maybe you need to leave your own kids with grandma while you and your spouse get ice cream.
It doesn't really matter what you do - but today find a release. Find a way to let your subconscious know that something in your life is in order.
I will pray for you.
God loves you
Debbie
I'm a little sad today. Mom has been visiting with me for quiet a while. Dad drove from Georgia last week to take her home. They left this morning. I had a wonderful week-end with them and was sad that they had to go back to Georgia. Please pray that their trip will be safe and that they will sell their house so they can move here permanently.
They left VERY early. I'm not a morning person. I wanted to finish a post for the blog, but found myself staring with sleepy eyes at a blank screen.
I looked at a little e-mail and browsed through some websites. My heart just wasn't into deep thought. Finally I decided to go lay down, but first I would play a game of spider solitaire.
Sometimes, that game seems to give me a little spurt. I don't play it very often but have found when I feel out of sorts it seems to help. This morning I looked at the screen and wondered why I thought a silly game that doesn't matter to anyone would be stimulating. I enjoy purpose. I am driven to find purpose in almost everything in my life. Why at this moment does a mindless game of simply sorting seem appropriate?
My mom and Dad are very organized people. Everything has a place and it "must" return to it's place - or else! Since I'm a free thinker who needs everything around me at once - translation - a messy writer.....very few things have "a place". Needless to say messy daughter and organized parents rarely see eye to eye on the proper care of houses. I'm just not your typical "I've got to be cleaning or sorting" person.
So why did I feel the need to sort a bunch of make believe cards? For those of you that don't play solitaire - the game is very simple. 100 cards are dealt into 10 piles. You can only see the top card. You have to sort the cards by numbers from face cards to 10 and 10-2 and finish with the Ace. Once you have made one row of those, the computer will place that run at the bottom of the screen. Each time you move one of the cards in the rows, it reveals another card underneath. You keep sorting and moving until all the cards are in their proper suit and run and at the bottom of your screen.
It's a challenging game in that you can get stuck if you don't make the right moves to allow the hidden cards to be shown. But it's not rocket science to simply sort the cards into piles.
So why did I feel the need to sort a bunch of cards?
I started getting angry just thinking that I somehow had this need. I remembered a quote from the movie "You've got mail". One of the characters remarked that an entire company had to have solitaire removed from it's computer banks because too many employees were wasting time during work playing solitaire. I also remembered a lawyer I used to work for who would spend hours playing on the computer because he said he was bored!
What could possibly be more boring than playing a computer card game? It doesn't matter to anyone, it's completely repetitious and there are no redeeming qualities whatsoever.....
Man!....the more I thought about this, the more frustrated I became. I started to shut the computer down and fix some coffee when it dawned on me why we find this game so alluring.
My parents are leaving. One son is changing jobs. Ron is considering retirement. Another son is overwhelmed with a growing business. A friend is sick. Another friend is contemplating divorce. Still another friend is making a bad choice. My daughter is thinking about moving very far away. Still more company is coming and my house is a mess.
My life is wonderful - but very busy. None of the family issues we face can be solved quickly. Every situation will take time and energy to resolve.
But sitting at my computer I can take a mess (of cards) and quickly resolve it into an organized set. And subconsciously that is comforting.
Is your life a mess right now? Please send me a prayer request and I will pray for you. Find something in your life that will give you a moments release.
Maybe it will be taking the time to spend a minute with God.
You might enjoy getting up early and watching the sunrise.
Maybe it's reading 10 pages of an interesting novel.
Perhaps it's watching some old sit com.
Maybe you need to take the grand kids to get ice cream.
Maybe you need to leave your own kids with grandma while you and your spouse get ice cream.
It doesn't really matter what you do - but today find a release. Find a way to let your subconscious know that something in your life is in order.
I will pray for you.
God loves you
Debbie
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Happy Father's Day
Mothers are amazing creatures. They are living examples of executive leadership. They can organize anything and can bring an entire family together in less time than a CEO can find new direction for one department of his company. Mothers make it happen for a family.
But Fathers give the happening depth. Fathers find fun in any situation and give their children strength to handle life's ups and downs. Mothers send a barrage of commands after children but just one word from a Father and lives are changed. Fathers show love wrapped in deep respect. Fathers help their children see purpose in life and give them the will to be their best.
Mothers build the aircraft (child) but Fathers are the wind that lifts the aircraft and causes it to soar.
Perhaps your definition of Father is much different. Perhaps your Father did not give you wings to soar. But there is one who will. Our Heavenly Father makes up for all the times our earthly Fathers let us down. Our Heavenly Father can teach you how to love and soar and continue to be your best in this world. Our Heavenly Father can heal all the hurts that your earthly Father may have caused.
And if you have been as lucky as my children and I have been - if your earthly Father is an extension of your Heavenly Father, then you are truly blessed.
Happy Father's Day to every Father. May you have a wonderful time with your children and may this be a blessed day for your family.
God loves you,
Debbie
Saturday, June 16, 2007
A happy home
A Merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance. Prov. 15:13A Merry heart doeth good like a medicine. Prov. 17:22
He that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast. Prov. 15:15
One of the greatest joys a family can experience is laughter together. Being able to sit around the table and share experiences will not only lighten the soul but also energizes the mind for creativity.
***************
"Daddy, what's that? said the little boy, looking up from their pew at the memorial plaque on the wall.
"That's in memory of all the brave men who died in the services."
The little boy scanned the long list of names and asked, "Did they die in the morning or evening services?"
*****************
My Dad is a minister and every time we get together as a family, we always want to hear some of the funny stories from church.Dad tells the story of a very famous evangelist Winnefred Kelly. She came from a background of very spiritual people. Rev. Kelly was a dynamic speaker. She was talking with Dad about the loving spirit of God and told a story about her mother.
Her mother was a very Godly woman both inside and out. She made sure that her clothes and hair reflected a puritan lifestyle and plain living. She would not even allow simple lace or wavy hair. Her hair was pulled tightly into a bun on the back of her head.
Winnefred explained that her mother was very discouraged one day and decided to go to the field to pray. She prayed for a long time and finally set her Bible on it's spine while she made one last plea to God.
"God, I need to know that you are there. I need to have an answer for this problem. I'm going to let my Bible open and where ever it lands, I will take that as a direct message from you."
She let her bible go. She opened her eyes only to have them settle on one very special verse.
"OH Thou Jezebel!"
She smiled, she giggled, she snickered and finally she laughted out loud. She left the field feeling better and knowing that God would handle all her problems.
Yes, even God has a sense of humor.
**************
Little girl: Mommy, who made me?
Mother: God did.
Little girl: Who made you?
Mother: God did.
Little girl: Who made Grandma?
Mother: God did.
Little girl (after a very long pause): He's improved a lot since he made Grandma.
*****************
Two little girls tiptoed past their grandmother.
"Why is Granny always reading the bible? Asked Kate.
"Ssh!" whispered Lizzie. "We mustn't disturb her! She's cramming for her finals."
******************
One Easter we bought both boys new pin stripped suits. They were excited about being young men and looking just like Daddy. They planned to sit by Daddy during church rather than attend children's church. On the drive to church Ken and Jamie were talking. I didn't hear the question but I did hear Jamie's (8 years old) answer to Kenny (4 years old).
"You have to sit real quiet during the sermon. It's gonna be hard, but that's what Daddy does."
"I can do it. It won't be so hard."
"Oh yes it is. It's like the evening news with no commercials."
I glanced in the mirror to see Kenny's eyes widen as he shook his head and looked out the window.
"No, commercials and no cartoons...woah."
************
Ron and Ken still being silly and sharing memories!
Tip for today! Find some pictures, cook a pan of lazagna and have the family sit down and recall the good times. It's the best medicine you could ever serve to anyone.
God loves you
Debbie
Friday, June 15, 2007
Spoiled Brat prevention
I've had several people write and ask, "How do you prevent a spoiled brat?"
Do you remember the movie "Karate Kid"? There's a scene in it where Miyagi gives Daniel a bonsai tree and some pruning sheers. Daniel asked, "How do I know where to cut?" Miyagi smiles and tells him to close his eyes and picture what he wants his tree to look like. "Do you have the picture in your mind?"
"Yes"
"Good, then open eye. Whatever is not picture - cut away."
That's a perfect example of what you need to do to prevent a spoiled brat. Like watering or feeding the plant there are some things you will need to do. You will need to be sure your child knows how to serve and take care of things and other people. They need to understand that other people have rights and that they need to help with chores. They need to understand that someone worked hard to make the money that provided their things and that it is their responsibility to that person to take care of the things his hard work purchased.
They must understand they do not deserve anything other than a loving home, food to eat, necessary clothes and a roof over their heads. Everything else is a gift and should be appreciated. They must learn to be thankful!
Everyone can look at bad behavior and tell when it's selfish and hurtful. If you see a child in the mall screaming and pitching a fit for some toy, what do you usually think? Spoiled - right?
When you see that behavior in your own child - cut that part away.
Have you ever heard a child yell at his parents or tell them to "shut up"? What do you think? Spoiled - right?
When you see that behavior in your own child - cut that part away.
What about if a child says, "That's not fair. I deserve this." Most people will think - no way. No one deserves anything unless they have truly worked for it and sometimes not even then.
When you see that behavior in your own child - cut that part away.
When you hear that some child has been mean to another at school by biting, hitting or calling them names - what do you think? Spoiled!
When you see that behavior in your own child - cut that part away.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." --Prov. 22:6
There are two reasons so many parents are unable to help their child grow properly.
1. They believe totally ignorant psychiatrist and writers who only want to make a buck and are not really interested in helping children or the society they live in.
No child wants a permissive parent. As they grow children want to know the rules and how to navigate in society. When you give them everything they want, you prevent them from experiencing the satisfaction of achievement and the thrill of personal contentment. You forever condemn them to a life of misery. Since no one on the planet gets all the mind can imagine, they will be constantly disappointed and never truly happy. Deep happiness and contentment comes when we learn that the universe doesn't revolve around us and that who we are inside is far more important than what we have. When we learn to appreciate those around us and the things that we do have - we find joy.
Permissive parents teach their children that they can't be trusted. Every spoiled child I've ever encountered hates their parents - why? Because the child can't figure out how to navigate in this world and since the parents are their guide - they feel like they are to blame.
I've had several spoiled children attend my daycare and every time I've seen bad behavior (even at age 18mo.) I would take them to the couch and discuss it and develop (with the child) a plan to stop the behavior. I'd explain why it would not be tolerated and what we would do to stop it. I was never mean - but I was determined and stern. Everyone of those children loved me and many times cried because they had to go home to their parents. Why? Because they knew they could trust me for the truth. Don't lie to your children. If they are acting badly - tell them. Spankings alone will never handle a problem. Children want instruction and truth.
But psychiatrist and psychologist say not to hurt their little psychics. That's right. Don't scream at them. Don't beat them. Don't lock them outside the house. Don't tell them you hate them. Don't tell them you wish you had never had them.
But Do....tell them if they don't change their behavior other people won't like them and may not want them to come to a birthday party.
Do tell them that other people are watching them.
Do explain how other children around them feel about them and how they may avoid them for their behavior.
Do tell them to be good because that will change how others view them.
Do assure them that it is possible to obey the rules.
Do assure them that they do not have to have everything and that their life will be better with friends and loving siblings than it would ever be with toys.
Do let them know that what you are asking isn't impossible. They can do it. They can be successful. They can accomplish the task.
Be Honest! It won't hurt them. It will clip at the negative vines on the tree and make it a beautiful thing for others to be around.
What about guilt? No one should try to instill debilitating guilt. That's wrong. But any society has to have a certain amount of guilt in order to be successful. If none of us had any guilt, there would be mass murders, bank robberies, etc. and our society would be in chaos. Most of the crime that is committed is due to a lack of "proper" guilt or a healthy conscious. If you raise a child that is totally free from guilt, start saving now for his attorney. He will be in jail by the time he's 12 and you will be suffering from massive guilt for the horrible things he's done.
Every child needs to feel remorse and guilt if they have hurt someone else. No guilt means your child is a monster who doesn't care about anyone or anything - including YOU.
2. Lack of time. Parents are selfish themselves and would rather concentrate on their career or needs than to take the time to explain proper behavior to their children. They would rather look the other way or allow strangers to put up with a spoiled child than to take the time to instruct that child on proper behavior.
IT TAKES MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF TIME TO RAISE A WONDERFUL CHILD! If you skimp on that time you will reap the problems associated with your lack of time.
It all comes down to my one major pet peeve.
God gave your child to you - no one else. He expects you to train that child and present it to the world as a whole individual, capable of caring for others and doing his part to make this world better. God also gave you the capacity to love that child and he gave that child the capacity to understand that your instruction (like God's) is for his good. As long as you aren't a spoiled brat, as long as you know right from wrong, as long as you don't deal in anger or with a vengeful spirit and as long as you don't "provoke" your child to wrath - all should go well and you should be able to prevent a spoiled brat.
Any questions?
God loves you,
Debbie
Do you remember the movie "Karate Kid"? There's a scene in it where Miyagi gives Daniel a bonsai tree and some pruning sheers. Daniel asked, "How do I know where to cut?" Miyagi smiles and tells him to close his eyes and picture what he wants his tree to look like. "Do you have the picture in your mind?"
"Yes"
"Good, then open eye. Whatever is not picture - cut away."
That's a perfect example of what you need to do to prevent a spoiled brat. Like watering or feeding the plant there are some things you will need to do. You will need to be sure your child knows how to serve and take care of things and other people. They need to understand that other people have rights and that they need to help with chores. They need to understand that someone worked hard to make the money that provided their things and that it is their responsibility to that person to take care of the things his hard work purchased.
They must understand they do not deserve anything other than a loving home, food to eat, necessary clothes and a roof over their heads. Everything else is a gift and should be appreciated. They must learn to be thankful!
Everyone can look at bad behavior and tell when it's selfish and hurtful. If you see a child in the mall screaming and pitching a fit for some toy, what do you usually think? Spoiled - right?
When you see that behavior in your own child - cut that part away.
Have you ever heard a child yell at his parents or tell them to "shut up"? What do you think? Spoiled - right?
When you see that behavior in your own child - cut that part away.
What about if a child says, "That's not fair. I deserve this." Most people will think - no way. No one deserves anything unless they have truly worked for it and sometimes not even then.
When you see that behavior in your own child - cut that part away.
When you hear that some child has been mean to another at school by biting, hitting or calling them names - what do you think? Spoiled!
When you see that behavior in your own child - cut that part away.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." --Prov. 22:6
There are two reasons so many parents are unable to help their child grow properly.
1. They believe totally ignorant psychiatrist and writers who only want to make a buck and are not really interested in helping children or the society they live in.
No child wants a permissive parent. As they grow children want to know the rules and how to navigate in society. When you give them everything they want, you prevent them from experiencing the satisfaction of achievement and the thrill of personal contentment. You forever condemn them to a life of misery. Since no one on the planet gets all the mind can imagine, they will be constantly disappointed and never truly happy. Deep happiness and contentment comes when we learn that the universe doesn't revolve around us and that who we are inside is far more important than what we have. When we learn to appreciate those around us and the things that we do have - we find joy.
Permissive parents teach their children that they can't be trusted. Every spoiled child I've ever encountered hates their parents - why? Because the child can't figure out how to navigate in this world and since the parents are their guide - they feel like they are to blame.
I've had several spoiled children attend my daycare and every time I've seen bad behavior (even at age 18mo.) I would take them to the couch and discuss it and develop (with the child) a plan to stop the behavior. I'd explain why it would not be tolerated and what we would do to stop it. I was never mean - but I was determined and stern. Everyone of those children loved me and many times cried because they had to go home to their parents. Why? Because they knew they could trust me for the truth. Don't lie to your children. If they are acting badly - tell them. Spankings alone will never handle a problem. Children want instruction and truth.
But psychiatrist and psychologist say not to hurt their little psychics. That's right. Don't scream at them. Don't beat them. Don't lock them outside the house. Don't tell them you hate them. Don't tell them you wish you had never had them.
But Do....tell them if they don't change their behavior other people won't like them and may not want them to come to a birthday party.
Do tell them that other people are watching them.
Do explain how other children around them feel about them and how they may avoid them for their behavior.
Do tell them to be good because that will change how others view them.
Do assure them that it is possible to obey the rules.
Do assure them that they do not have to have everything and that their life will be better with friends and loving siblings than it would ever be with toys.
Do let them know that what you are asking isn't impossible. They can do it. They can be successful. They can accomplish the task.
Be Honest! It won't hurt them. It will clip at the negative vines on the tree and make it a beautiful thing for others to be around.
What about guilt? No one should try to instill debilitating guilt. That's wrong. But any society has to have a certain amount of guilt in order to be successful. If none of us had any guilt, there would be mass murders, bank robberies, etc. and our society would be in chaos. Most of the crime that is committed is due to a lack of "proper" guilt or a healthy conscious. If you raise a child that is totally free from guilt, start saving now for his attorney. He will be in jail by the time he's 12 and you will be suffering from massive guilt for the horrible things he's done.
Every child needs to feel remorse and guilt if they have hurt someone else. No guilt means your child is a monster who doesn't care about anyone or anything - including YOU.
2. Lack of time. Parents are selfish themselves and would rather concentrate on their career or needs than to take the time to explain proper behavior to their children. They would rather look the other way or allow strangers to put up with a spoiled child than to take the time to instruct that child on proper behavior.
IT TAKES MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF TIME TO RAISE A WONDERFUL CHILD! If you skimp on that time you will reap the problems associated with your lack of time.
It all comes down to my one major pet peeve.
God gave your child to you - no one else. He expects you to train that child and present it to the world as a whole individual, capable of caring for others and doing his part to make this world better. God also gave you the capacity to love that child and he gave that child the capacity to understand that your instruction (like God's) is for his good. As long as you aren't a spoiled brat, as long as you know right from wrong, as long as you don't deal in anger or with a vengeful spirit and as long as you don't "provoke" your child to wrath - all should go well and you should be able to prevent a spoiled brat.
Any questions?
God loves you,
Debbie
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Flag Day
Today is flag day. Find a flag and display it or wave it so everyone will know that you have confidence in this country.
I was thinking about why I should wave my flag. I recently bought a new book. "Speeches that changed the world" published by Smith Davies. It's a wonderful book that includes over 48 great speeches.
I love looking back a WWII. I hate the violence and problems of that time, but I am inspired by the dedication and wisdom of the people. The politicians, the merchants and the everyday Joe worked to bring victory and prevent this country from the possible invasion of Hitler.
So today....as an inspiration....let's look at a few speeches.
Franklin D. Roosevelt his induction into the presidency....the famous "fear" speech.
"This is pre-eminently the time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. Nor need we shrink from honestly facing conditions in our country today. This great nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper.
So first of all let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
In every dark hour of our national life a leadership of frankness and vigour has met with that understanding and support of the people themselves which is essential to victory. I am convinced that you will again give that support to leadership in these critical days. In such a spirit on my part and on yours we face our common difficulties. They concern, thank God, only material things.........(he goes on to describe the problems of the day citing Values, taxes, governmental issues, loss of income, trade, enterprise, farmers and savings.)
Stripped of the lure of profit by which to induce our people to follow their false leadership, they (rulers of the exchange of mankind's goods) have resorted to exhortations, pleading tearfully for restored conditions. They know only the rules of a generation of self-seekers.
They have no vision, and when there is no vision the people perish...
Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money, it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort. The joy and moral stimulation of work no longer must be forgotten in the mad chase of evanescent profits. These dark days will be worth all they cost us if they teach us that our true destiny is not to be ministered unto but to minister to ourselves and to our fellow-men..."
WOW!
And then after Pearl Harbor...
"Yesterday, December 7th, 1941 - a date which will live in infamy - the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan....
No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.
I believe that I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost, but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us.
Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory, and our interests are in grave danger.
With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph - so help us God.....
President George Bush made this speech after 9/11.
Today our fellow citizens, our way of life, our very freedom came under attack in a series of deliberate and deadly terrorist acts. The victims were in airplanes or in their offices; secretaries, business men and women, military and federal workers, moms and dads, friends and neighbours. Thousands of lives were suddenly ended by evil, despicable acts of terror. The pictures of airplanes flying into buildings, fires burning, huge structures collapsing have filled us with disbelief, terrible sadness and a quiet, unyielding anger. These acts of mass murder were intended to frighten our nation into chaos and retreat. But they have failed. Our country is strong.
A great people has been moved to defend a great nation. Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve. America was targeted for attack because we're the brightest beacon for freedom and opportunity in the world. And no one will keep that light from shining. Today, our nation saw evil - the very worst of human nature - and we responded with the best of America. With the daring of our rescue workers, with the caring for strangers and neighbours who came to give blood and help in any way they could.......
...Tonight, I ask for your prayers for all those who grieve, for the children whose worlds have been shattered, for all whose sense of safety and security has been threatened. And I pray they will be comforted by a Power greater than any of us, spoken through the ages in Psalm 23: 'Even though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of death, I fear no evil for you are with me.'
This is a day when all Americans from every walk of life unite in our resolve for justice and peace. America has stood down enemies before, and we will do so this time. None of us will ever forget this day, yet we go forward to defend freedom and all that is good and just in our world."
AMEN AND AMEN
Pray for our soldiers and their families. Pray for peace. Pray for freedom. And go out and wave a flag. Let those around you know that you love this country.
God Bless America!
God loves you
Debbie
I was thinking about why I should wave my flag. I recently bought a new book. "Speeches that changed the world" published by Smith Davies. It's a wonderful book that includes over 48 great speeches.
I love looking back a WWII. I hate the violence and problems of that time, but I am inspired by the dedication and wisdom of the people. The politicians, the merchants and the everyday Joe worked to bring victory and prevent this country from the possible invasion of Hitler.
So today....as an inspiration....let's look at a few speeches.
Franklin D. Roosevelt his induction into the presidency....the famous "fear" speech.
"This is pre-eminently the time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. Nor need we shrink from honestly facing conditions in our country today. This great nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper.
So first of all let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
In every dark hour of our national life a leadership of frankness and vigour has met with that understanding and support of the people themselves which is essential to victory. I am convinced that you will again give that support to leadership in these critical days. In such a spirit on my part and on yours we face our common difficulties. They concern, thank God, only material things.........(he goes on to describe the problems of the day citing Values, taxes, governmental issues, loss of income, trade, enterprise, farmers and savings.)
Stripped of the lure of profit by which to induce our people to follow their false leadership, they (rulers of the exchange of mankind's goods) have resorted to exhortations, pleading tearfully for restored conditions. They know only the rules of a generation of self-seekers.
They have no vision, and when there is no vision the people perish...
Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money, it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort. The joy and moral stimulation of work no longer must be forgotten in the mad chase of evanescent profits. These dark days will be worth all they cost us if they teach us that our true destiny is not to be ministered unto but to minister to ourselves and to our fellow-men..."
WOW!
And then after Pearl Harbor...
"Yesterday, December 7th, 1941 - a date which will live in infamy - the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan....
No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.
I believe that I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost, but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us.
Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory, and our interests are in grave danger.
With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph - so help us God.....
President George Bush made this speech after 9/11.
Today our fellow citizens, our way of life, our very freedom came under attack in a series of deliberate and deadly terrorist acts. The victims were in airplanes or in their offices; secretaries, business men and women, military and federal workers, moms and dads, friends and neighbours. Thousands of lives were suddenly ended by evil, despicable acts of terror. The pictures of airplanes flying into buildings, fires burning, huge structures collapsing have filled us with disbelief, terrible sadness and a quiet, unyielding anger. These acts of mass murder were intended to frighten our nation into chaos and retreat. But they have failed. Our country is strong.
A great people has been moved to defend a great nation. Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve. America was targeted for attack because we're the brightest beacon for freedom and opportunity in the world. And no one will keep that light from shining. Today, our nation saw evil - the very worst of human nature - and we responded with the best of America. With the daring of our rescue workers, with the caring for strangers and neighbours who came to give blood and help in any way they could.......
...Tonight, I ask for your prayers for all those who grieve, for the children whose worlds have been shattered, for all whose sense of safety and security has been threatened. And I pray they will be comforted by a Power greater than any of us, spoken through the ages in Psalm 23: 'Even though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of death, I fear no evil for you are with me.'
This is a day when all Americans from every walk of life unite in our resolve for justice and peace. America has stood down enemies before, and we will do so this time. None of us will ever forget this day, yet we go forward to defend freedom and all that is good and just in our world."
AMEN AND AMEN
Pray for our soldiers and their families. Pray for peace. Pray for freedom. And go out and wave a flag. Let those around you know that you love this country.
God Bless America!
God loves you
Debbie
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Who is evil? Am I evil? Are you?
Webster's Dictionary defines evil as:
adj. 1. morally bad or wrong; wicked; depraved - resulting from or based on conduct regarded as immoral 2. causing pain or trouble; harmful; injurious 3. offensive or disgusting 4. threatening or bringing misfortune; unlucky; disastrous; unfortunate
n. 1. anything morally bad or wrong; wickedness; depravity; sin 2. anything that causes harm, pain, misery, disaster, etc.
It surprised me that "sin" was included in the definition. The word "sin" seems to be used less and less by churched people and totally avoided by the general public. So what is the definition of sin?
n. 1. an offense against God, religion, or good morals - the condition of being guilty of continued offense against God, religion, or good morals 2. an offense against any law, standard, code, etc.
So sin - by definition - is not limited to the church. It is an offense to any society. It is an act against "good morals".
Evil is any offense that is morally wrong and results in pain, misery or is harmful in any way.
I chose this topic because I bet you are wondering who is this Debbie Jansen and why should I trust her?
We have become an electronic society. Too many people no longer talk in person - but rather send a text message on their blueberry. We are slowly losing our intuitive skills to look into a person's eyes and see their soul. But why is that so important?
Everything that you are - everything that I am goes on inside us. Motive is everything. What we show to the world can be very deceiving. We always dress up a little to impress those we are around. We censure ourselves or we dress for the occasion. It's only a very select few (and sometimes not even those) that we allow to see and know all of our inner thoughts.
Why are there so many divorces? Because with every passing moment we learn to hide a little more of who we are. Most people - even after dating for a long time - do not show their future spouse who they are. One young lady shocked me by saying that she knew on the second day of her honeymoon that she had made a mistake.....and she had dated him for four years prior to the wedding. Wow!
Why do so many children hurt and disappoint their parents? Because the parents never understood or tried to parent the inner child. Their only concern was to have a less stressful home and get through the day, so rules not thoughts were important. Without addressing the inner struggles of the child they missed true parenting. Here's a quote from my class "Parenting from within"
"We must control from inside the child not by placing rules on the outside. If we demand that a child keep our rules without understanding why those rules are necessary, without accepting and questioning their purpose - then the moment he leaves the parent, he will do what he wants and break every rule we have requested. After all, if he doesn't believe those rules are valid and views them as a nonsense and frustration - why would he continue to voluntarily adhere to the rule? Only when you have convinced the child from birth and with every action along the way that you and he are trying to navigate this complicated life together with truth and dignity - only then do you have the hope that he will respond to situations with his "own values and good will". Only then are you parenting from within."
How can you trust Debbie Jansen? I'll tell you the same thing I've told my children for the last 30 years. I'm on a quest for truth. I want to live a truly Godly life and in every situation bring my own desires under the control of biblical values, love and compassion and do only what is best for the family and ultimately our society. I strive to be all God wants me to be and to treat others in such a way as to set them free to be all God wants them to be.
Unfortunately there are times when the harsh commands of biblical principles must be followed. Even in those times I must guard myself and not let "sin" take over. Every person living on this planet has a tendency for sin. We must guard ourselves and protect our inner thoughts from the pull of sin. We must make sure that every action is "what Jesus would do."
There were times when Jesus showed total compassion. He wouldn't allow an incredibly sinful woman to be stoned. He held children and had compassion on the sick. He cast out demons and set people free.
But in one translation (I'll get that for you later) it said that Jesus "sighed" at the disbelief and stupid statements of not only the crowds but his disciples. He cursed a fig tree for not producing. He overturned tables in the temple and he blasted the pharisees calling them snakes and vipers.
Was Jesus Evil?
Absolutely not. I believe that being the son of God he was able to see through a person's eyes into their soul and their inner thoughts. That allowed him to treat each person differently according to their "motives". While he protected the fallen woman he demanded that the rich man sell all he had before coming to Jesus - why? He knew he would never reach that soul unless he first could let go of wealth. It was the rich man's motive.
Why do I believe that Paris Hilton should be made to serve her entire sentence? Of course I don't have the full facts, but it appears even from what I do know that she is not "repentant" or remorseful or even willing to acknowledge that she broke the rules. If she is allowed to continue to snub the police - she may one day drive under the influence and kill someone. It is proper and right of the police to stop this "now!" It is proper and right of the police to do what her parents have not done and force her to respect authority. It is for the safety of those around her that she learn her lesson. That's hard to do at her age - but it should have been done at age three. Sorry Paris.
I made the statement once that I believe every evil problem (with the exception of medical problems) in this world can be traced to bad parenting. A few people took offense to that. I know it's difficult to accept the fact that once you are presented with that sweet little child that "YOU" will determine his life. Yes he will make his own choices - but duh! those choices will be shaped by how you treat him. Woah!!!
There is no perfect child and no perfect parent. I have made lots of mistakes. But I refuse to accept that as a goal or simply pass the responsibility to others. I fully accept my mistakes and even now try to help my children overcome the problems I've caused.
Why would I say in my article "Americans will have to die" that I believe the Muslim faith is in direct opposition to American Freedoms and that we would be irresponsible to elect a Muslim to the presidency? Am I evil? Am I another bible waving dogmatic zealot?
No I'm not. I'm on a quest for truth. And the truth is that Muslims are more dedicated to their faith than anyone on the planet. I don't care if Obama publicly says he loves everyone. I don't care if he joins a Baptist church. He refused to take his oath of office on the Bible. That says it all. That says his allegiance is to the Muslim faith. And when he must decide if a Christian principle is to be stripped from this nation - he will have no problem finding a way to rationalize the bill or law and he will do it!
If a Muslim were to move next door to me, my faith would tell me that I needed to be kind and loving. I would talk with them and never cause them harm. My Bible tells me to love everyone and to accept them where they are. But my Bible also tells me to be wise and to understand who people really are and act accordingly.
Therefore, if they constantly argue with me and are mad and irritated because I'm a Christian, I need to pay attention. If I hear them say things against Christianity or have a problem when I support the war against terrorism - I will be cautious. And if they intend to force their faith on me or my children by constant unwanted confrontations - I will be cautious. And if war is declared here in America and all Muslims are being encouraged to kill Christians - I will arm myself for protection.
The Bible is so different from the Muslim faith. Goggle "Koran quotes". You will find millions. Here's just one.
(3) The Koran commands Muslims to fight Jews and Christians
"Fight against those who believe not in Allah, nor in the Last Day, nor forbid that which has been forbidden by Allah and His Messenger (Muhammad) and those who acknowledge not the religion of truth (Islam) among the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) until they pay the Jizyah with willing submission, and feel themselves subdued" (Surah At-Taubah 9:29).
Jizyah is a special high tax to be paid only by Jews or Christians who do not want to renounce their religion and convert to Islam.
(4) The Koran commands Muslims to fight non-Muslims until they exterminate all other religions and Islam would be the only religion in the world.
"And fight them until there is no more Fitnah (disbelief and worshipping of others along with Allah) and (all and every kind of) worship is for Allah (along)..." (Surat Al-Baqarah 2:193).
Fundamentalists divide the world into two camps, Dar Al-Harb (Camp of war) where Jews and Christians live, and Dar Al-Sallam (Camp of peace where Muslims live. They believe that Holy War against those who live in the camp of war should continue until they are exterminated. Fundamentalists dream of a global Islamic empire and they believe that if they destroy America and the western countries, that they will achieve this dream.
So, Muslims are told by their God to kill anyone that doesn't believe in Allah.
This is in direct contrast to the picture of Jesus as he stands at the door and patiently knocks. He isn't forcing his way in. He isn't yelling or demanding. He wants conversion to be an inner determination on your part that His way is best. Jesus teaches us to love our enemies and to do good to those that persecute us.
Unfortunately what the world doesn't understand is that Evil is a conqueror. Evil cannot be submissive. It must conquer. And if the compassionate and loving people of this world can't wrap their minds around the fact that there is a time for an honorable loving, compassionate person to go to war - WE WILL BE CONQUERED. And that's why some Americans will die. If we don't grasp the "truth" of this concept, the world will watch a few struggling Christians try to fight and we will fail. We need to find a way to convince those around us, those in power that our society cannot continue to be free unless we are willing to pay the price for that freedom.
That may mean some innocent Muslims and innocent Mexicans and innocent spoiled brats will be hurt. War isn't easy and it isn't black and white.
I'm trying to be very transparent with all of you. I want you to know me. I want you to be able to trust me. I want to tell you my inner thoughts. I want you to know how I ache for complicated situations that may cause some people to be hurt. I want you to see that I want truth. I also want compassion and love to guide my steps. But truth demands that evil not be allowed to conquer.
I never took pleasure in punishing my children. I never felt like I was on a power trip when I took a child to the couch for a lecture on life. My only goal was to give them "a better life". My only goal was to make this country a little better by the lives of three young people who were dedicated to wisdom, truth and honorable lives.
Now here's the really tough question. Edmund Burke stated, "All that evil needs to succeed is that good men do nothing."
If we do nothing, say nothing, remain quiet and hope it all goes away. If we refuse to parent our children to be honorable and to be heroes - are we evil because we allowed evil to succeed?
Tough lesson huh?
I am praying for all of you. I am praying for America. I am truly praying for all the innocent precious Muslims who don't know or can't see the future of this destructive faith. I am praying for all my Christian friends who are scared and clinging to their own destructive behaviors. Remember this - I love you and God loves you even more. Please think about this entry and let me know what you think. Your comments are important to me and to others who read this blog.
You have a voice - don't hide it under a bushel.
God loves you,
Debbie
adj. 1. morally bad or wrong; wicked; depraved - resulting from or based on conduct regarded as immoral 2. causing pain or trouble; harmful; injurious 3. offensive or disgusting 4. threatening or bringing misfortune; unlucky; disastrous; unfortunate
n. 1. anything morally bad or wrong; wickedness; depravity; sin 2. anything that causes harm, pain, misery, disaster, etc.
It surprised me that "sin" was included in the definition. The word "sin" seems to be used less and less by churched people and totally avoided by the general public. So what is the definition of sin?
n. 1. an offense against God, religion, or good morals - the condition of being guilty of continued offense against God, religion, or good morals 2. an offense against any law, standard, code, etc.
So sin - by definition - is not limited to the church. It is an offense to any society. It is an act against "good morals".
Evil is any offense that is morally wrong and results in pain, misery or is harmful in any way.
I chose this topic because I bet you are wondering who is this Debbie Jansen and why should I trust her?
We have become an electronic society. Too many people no longer talk in person - but rather send a text message on their blueberry. We are slowly losing our intuitive skills to look into a person's eyes and see their soul. But why is that so important?
Everything that you are - everything that I am goes on inside us. Motive is everything. What we show to the world can be very deceiving. We always dress up a little to impress those we are around. We censure ourselves or we dress for the occasion. It's only a very select few (and sometimes not even those) that we allow to see and know all of our inner thoughts.
Why are there so many divorces? Because with every passing moment we learn to hide a little more of who we are. Most people - even after dating for a long time - do not show their future spouse who they are. One young lady shocked me by saying that she knew on the second day of her honeymoon that she had made a mistake.....and she had dated him for four years prior to the wedding. Wow!
Why do so many children hurt and disappoint their parents? Because the parents never understood or tried to parent the inner child. Their only concern was to have a less stressful home and get through the day, so rules not thoughts were important. Without addressing the inner struggles of the child they missed true parenting. Here's a quote from my class "Parenting from within"
"We must control from inside the child not by placing rules on the outside. If we demand that a child keep our rules without understanding why those rules are necessary, without accepting and questioning their purpose - then the moment he leaves the parent, he will do what he wants and break every rule we have requested. After all, if he doesn't believe those rules are valid and views them as a nonsense and frustration - why would he continue to voluntarily adhere to the rule? Only when you have convinced the child from birth and with every action along the way that you and he are trying to navigate this complicated life together with truth and dignity - only then do you have the hope that he will respond to situations with his "own values and good will". Only then are you parenting from within."
How can you trust Debbie Jansen? I'll tell you the same thing I've told my children for the last 30 years. I'm on a quest for truth. I want to live a truly Godly life and in every situation bring my own desires under the control of biblical values, love and compassion and do only what is best for the family and ultimately our society. I strive to be all God wants me to be and to treat others in such a way as to set them free to be all God wants them to be.
Unfortunately there are times when the harsh commands of biblical principles must be followed. Even in those times I must guard myself and not let "sin" take over. Every person living on this planet has a tendency for sin. We must guard ourselves and protect our inner thoughts from the pull of sin. We must make sure that every action is "what Jesus would do."
There were times when Jesus showed total compassion. He wouldn't allow an incredibly sinful woman to be stoned. He held children and had compassion on the sick. He cast out demons and set people free.
But in one translation (I'll get that for you later) it said that Jesus "sighed" at the disbelief and stupid statements of not only the crowds but his disciples. He cursed a fig tree for not producing. He overturned tables in the temple and he blasted the pharisees calling them snakes and vipers.
Was Jesus Evil?
Absolutely not. I believe that being the son of God he was able to see through a person's eyes into their soul and their inner thoughts. That allowed him to treat each person differently according to their "motives". While he protected the fallen woman he demanded that the rich man sell all he had before coming to Jesus - why? He knew he would never reach that soul unless he first could let go of wealth. It was the rich man's motive.
Why do I believe that Paris Hilton should be made to serve her entire sentence? Of course I don't have the full facts, but it appears even from what I do know that she is not "repentant" or remorseful or even willing to acknowledge that she broke the rules. If she is allowed to continue to snub the police - she may one day drive under the influence and kill someone. It is proper and right of the police to stop this "now!" It is proper and right of the police to do what her parents have not done and force her to respect authority. It is for the safety of those around her that she learn her lesson. That's hard to do at her age - but it should have been done at age three. Sorry Paris.
I made the statement once that I believe every evil problem (with the exception of medical problems) in this world can be traced to bad parenting. A few people took offense to that. I know it's difficult to accept the fact that once you are presented with that sweet little child that "YOU" will determine his life. Yes he will make his own choices - but duh! those choices will be shaped by how you treat him. Woah!!!
There is no perfect child and no perfect parent. I have made lots of mistakes. But I refuse to accept that as a goal or simply pass the responsibility to others. I fully accept my mistakes and even now try to help my children overcome the problems I've caused.
Why would I say in my article "Americans will have to die" that I believe the Muslim faith is in direct opposition to American Freedoms and that we would be irresponsible to elect a Muslim to the presidency? Am I evil? Am I another bible waving dogmatic zealot?
No I'm not. I'm on a quest for truth. And the truth is that Muslims are more dedicated to their faith than anyone on the planet. I don't care if Obama publicly says he loves everyone. I don't care if he joins a Baptist church. He refused to take his oath of office on the Bible. That says it all. That says his allegiance is to the Muslim faith. And when he must decide if a Christian principle is to be stripped from this nation - he will have no problem finding a way to rationalize the bill or law and he will do it!
If a Muslim were to move next door to me, my faith would tell me that I needed to be kind and loving. I would talk with them and never cause them harm. My Bible tells me to love everyone and to accept them where they are. But my Bible also tells me to be wise and to understand who people really are and act accordingly.
Therefore, if they constantly argue with me and are mad and irritated because I'm a Christian, I need to pay attention. If I hear them say things against Christianity or have a problem when I support the war against terrorism - I will be cautious. And if they intend to force their faith on me or my children by constant unwanted confrontations - I will be cautious. And if war is declared here in America and all Muslims are being encouraged to kill Christians - I will arm myself for protection.
The Bible is so different from the Muslim faith. Goggle "Koran quotes". You will find millions. Here's just one.
(3) The Koran commands Muslims to fight Jews and Christians
"Fight against those who believe not in Allah, nor in the Last Day, nor forbid that which has been forbidden by Allah and His Messenger (Muhammad) and those who acknowledge not the religion of truth (Islam) among the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) until they pay the Jizyah with willing submission, and feel themselves subdued" (Surah At-Taubah 9:29).
Jizyah is a special high tax to be paid only by Jews or Christians who do not want to renounce their religion and convert to Islam.
(4) The Koran commands Muslims to fight non-Muslims until they exterminate all other religions and Islam would be the only religion in the world.
"And fight them until there is no more Fitnah (disbelief and worshipping of others along with Allah) and (all and every kind of) worship is for Allah (along)..." (Surat Al-Baqarah 2:193).
Fundamentalists divide the world into two camps, Dar Al-Harb (Camp of war) where Jews and Christians live, and Dar Al-Sallam (Camp of peace where Muslims live. They believe that Holy War against those who live in the camp of war should continue until they are exterminated. Fundamentalists dream of a global Islamic empire and they believe that if they destroy America and the western countries, that they will achieve this dream.
So, Muslims are told by their God to kill anyone that doesn't believe in Allah.
This is in direct contrast to the picture of Jesus as he stands at the door and patiently knocks. He isn't forcing his way in. He isn't yelling or demanding. He wants conversion to be an inner determination on your part that His way is best. Jesus teaches us to love our enemies and to do good to those that persecute us.
Unfortunately what the world doesn't understand is that Evil is a conqueror. Evil cannot be submissive. It must conquer. And if the compassionate and loving people of this world can't wrap their minds around the fact that there is a time for an honorable loving, compassionate person to go to war - WE WILL BE CONQUERED. And that's why some Americans will die. If we don't grasp the "truth" of this concept, the world will watch a few struggling Christians try to fight and we will fail. We need to find a way to convince those around us, those in power that our society cannot continue to be free unless we are willing to pay the price for that freedom.
That may mean some innocent Muslims and innocent Mexicans and innocent spoiled brats will be hurt. War isn't easy and it isn't black and white.
I'm trying to be very transparent with all of you. I want you to know me. I want you to be able to trust me. I want to tell you my inner thoughts. I want you to know how I ache for complicated situations that may cause some people to be hurt. I want you to see that I want truth. I also want compassion and love to guide my steps. But truth demands that evil not be allowed to conquer.
I never took pleasure in punishing my children. I never felt like I was on a power trip when I took a child to the couch for a lecture on life. My only goal was to give them "a better life". My only goal was to make this country a little better by the lives of three young people who were dedicated to wisdom, truth and honorable lives.
Now here's the really tough question. Edmund Burke stated, "All that evil needs to succeed is that good men do nothing."
If we do nothing, say nothing, remain quiet and hope it all goes away. If we refuse to parent our children to be honorable and to be heroes - are we evil because we allowed evil to succeed?
Tough lesson huh?
I am praying for all of you. I am praying for America. I am truly praying for all the innocent precious Muslims who don't know or can't see the future of this destructive faith. I am praying for all my Christian friends who are scared and clinging to their own destructive behaviors. Remember this - I love you and God loves you even more. Please think about this entry and let me know what you think. Your comments are important to me and to others who read this blog.
You have a voice - don't hide it under a bushel.
God loves you,
Debbie
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Life is made up of moments
In looking back over my life it is not the huge accomplishments or the fantastic that I cherish the most. The times that bring the most joy are the moments of peaceful contentment or loving exchanges.
My mother is staying with me for a while so she can go to Cleveland Clinic. Today is her birthday.
Yesterday I had a few friends over for supper. We laughed and talked, read silly cards and told stories of our lives. Looking around the room at smiling faces and knowing that each of us had been impacted by mother, I had a warm feeling.
A joy of a life well lived. A contentment that life just doesn't get better than this. A knowledge that all of our lives are better because we had shared them together.
Love. Love and family commitment is the greatest gift God can give.
God loves you,
Debbie
My mother is staying with me for a while so she can go to Cleveland Clinic. Today is her birthday.
Yesterday I had a few friends over for supper. We laughed and talked, read silly cards and told stories of our lives. Looking around the room at smiling faces and knowing that each of us had been impacted by mother, I had a warm feeling.
A joy of a life well lived. A contentment that life just doesn't get better than this. A knowledge that all of our lives are better because we had shared them together.
Love. Love and family commitment is the greatest gift God can give.
Hug your loved ones. Celebrate your lives together. Understand a little more about God's love by seeing Him in those around you.
Esther Magdalene Crocker (Maggie, Memaw, Mom)
June 12, 1928
79 years young
God loves you,
Debbie
Saturday, June 9, 2007
A Boloney Sandwich
In his book, "See you at the House" - Bob Benson tells the story of A Baloney Sandwich.
It's a beautiful story about a man who was rushing to an old-fashioned Sunday School picnic. It was the kind of picnic where everyone brought something and everyone shared. But as he prepared to go all he had was "one dried up piece of baloney and just enough mustard in the bottom of the jar that you got it all over your knuckles trying to get to it."
He goes on to talk about sitting at the end of a table by a smiling family as they anticipated their meal. The mother had spent the entire morning preparing and had fried chicken, baked beans, potato salad and homemade rolls. She also had all the trimmings accompanied by two chocolate pies.
When these kind people saw what he brought they said, "Why don't we just put it all together? We love baloney sandwiches." After a lot of refusing but hoping he wasn't taken seriously - he agreed.
...."And so you did and there you sat, eating like a king when you came like a pauper."
He goes on to teach us what God has been saying that for a long time. We come to him with our miserable lives and our broken dreams and he says - "Why don't you take what you have and what you are, and I will take what I have and what I am, and we'll share it together."
Bob goes on to explain how wonderful it is to share with God. He has a hard time understanding the people who are so afraid of losing what they have that they hang on to it with everything they can.
"It really amuses me to see somebody running along through life hanging on to their dumb bag with that stale baloney sandwich in it saying, "God's not going to get my sandwich! No, siree, this is mine!" Did you ever see anybody like that --- so needy --- just about half starved to death yet hanging on for dear life. It's not that God needs your sandwich. The fact is, you need his chicken!"
Way to Go Bob! It couldn't be said any better than that.
I hope that all of you go out and have a wonderful Saturday.
Giggle with your children.
Kiss someone you love.
Have a picnic with some neighbors.
But most of all realize that God wants to share with you. He wants to spread a king's meal before you. He wants to enrich your life beyond your wildest dreams.
God loves you,
Debbie
It's a beautiful story about a man who was rushing to an old-fashioned Sunday School picnic. It was the kind of picnic where everyone brought something and everyone shared. But as he prepared to go all he had was "one dried up piece of baloney and just enough mustard in the bottom of the jar that you got it all over your knuckles trying to get to it."
He goes on to talk about sitting at the end of a table by a smiling family as they anticipated their meal. The mother had spent the entire morning preparing and had fried chicken, baked beans, potato salad and homemade rolls. She also had all the trimmings accompanied by two chocolate pies.
When these kind people saw what he brought they said, "Why don't we just put it all together? We love baloney sandwiches." After a lot of refusing but hoping he wasn't taken seriously - he agreed.
...."And so you did and there you sat, eating like a king when you came like a pauper."
He goes on to teach us what God has been saying that for a long time. We come to him with our miserable lives and our broken dreams and he says - "Why don't you take what you have and what you are, and I will take what I have and what I am, and we'll share it together."
Bob goes on to explain how wonderful it is to share with God. He has a hard time understanding the people who are so afraid of losing what they have that they hang on to it with everything they can.
"It really amuses me to see somebody running along through life hanging on to their dumb bag with that stale baloney sandwich in it saying, "God's not going to get my sandwich! No, siree, this is mine!" Did you ever see anybody like that --- so needy --- just about half starved to death yet hanging on for dear life. It's not that God needs your sandwich. The fact is, you need his chicken!"
Way to Go Bob! It couldn't be said any better than that.
I hope that all of you go out and have a wonderful Saturday.
Giggle with your children.
Kiss someone you love.
Have a picnic with some neighbors.
But most of all realize that God wants to share with you. He wants to spread a king's meal before you. He wants to enrich your life beyond your wildest dreams.
God loves you,
Debbie
Friday, June 8, 2007
Americans will have to die
I'm old enough to remember when preachers loved their congregations and were willing to take a stand and prepare us for the future. They were not concerned about gaining in numbers. They were concerned that we knew the truth - and sometimes that meant hell, fire and brimstone.
We talked and sang about heaven and we listened to pastors preach about the end times. We were warned quite often about what it meant to give your life for your faith and your country.
We heard stories about the Holocaust and how Bibles were taken away and good people were persecuted. We listened to "strong" talk about protecting the freedoms that you have and the consequences of apathy.
If this doesn't make you mad enough to get involved then you deserve to lose your rights. Muslims want this country. Mexicans want control of this country. You better find out which ones they are and get them out.
We talked and sang about heaven and we listened to pastors preach about the end times. We were warned quite often about what it meant to give your life for your faith and your country.
We heard stories about the Holocaust and how Bibles were taken away and good people were persecuted. We listened to "strong" talk about protecting the freedoms that you have and the consequences of apathy.
We were taught to work. Work was good. Teenagers that didn't work were considered lazy and good for nothing. To snub your nose at a job because it required sweat or cleaning up after others proved you were unacceptable and should be punished. Children were made to suffer the consequences of their actions. No one came to your rescue when you broke the rules.
We were taught to sacrifice. We were taught that preparing for and creating a better future was the most important thing you could do.
We were patriotic. We loved our country! Bad or good - just like we supported sports teams - We supported our country.
We saw first hand the difference between a selfish, socialist dictator (Hitler) and a Christian honorable society. We knew our way of life was best and we were willing to die to protect it. If a young kid didn't stand and put his hand over his heart when the national anthem was played - every adult around him would have something to say about it.
When immigrants came to this country they knew for sure it was America. Flags waved freely. Prayers were said openly. Bibles and churches were free. English was spoken everywhere and if you wanted to do business with an American - you better learn to speak English.
We were a Bible believing America. It was fine if you had a different faith, but all politicians promoted moral biblical lives even if they had problems living it. Being a Christian was as honorable a statement as being an American. No one would dare hurt a nun or a priest. And ministers were revered - not abused. And duh!...because of those moral beliefs children were safe and crime was low.
Ministers actually worked hard to be sure they lived honorable lives and that they taught us how to be honorable.
Everyone was proud of their heritage. Italians were proud of Italy and Germans were proud of their homeland. But the pride of their heritage never took precedence over their great pride and thankfulness to be in America or to be American.
America had the reputation for being the best. If something came from Japan or China it was thought to be cheap in quality and name. WHY? Because Americans took pride in their work.
If it said "made in America", it better be the best. It could be made by an American/mexican or an American/japanese - but it better be the best. If an employee didn't give their best to the job - they were fired! No recourse because they are lazy or untalented. Just fired. Let the people who know how to do the job - have the job! That philosophy forced people to work hard and be the very best they could be. Getting to the top meant something.
I bet I heard it more than a thousand times growing up...."There will come a day when your Bible will be taken away. Hide the word of God in your heart so when you fight the enemy for your freedom you can hear God's word in your head!"
With that instruction, millions of youth across this country began to memorize scriptures. During WWII thousands of young men quoted those scriptures as they died for their country. Hundreds of American/japanese , American/chinese, American/indian and American/mexicans went to war to preserve the freedoms we have in this country. They did not go to war to preserve Japan or Germany, China or Mexico. They went to war to be sure that this country remained American.
Where is Obama's loyalty to this country? What is his faith? Will he protect this country?
"Oh, but wait a minute Debbie - he's not radical."
What does that mean? When he is in office and is faced with the decision to choose whether to protect American freedoms or support the Muslim agenda - where will his loyalty be? If you as a Christian were faced with the choice to choose America over your faith - which would you do?
Muslims are welcome to live in this country as long as they leave our government and our freedoms alone.
The Muslim faith is in direct opposition to American freedoms.
There will be a showdown!
A choice will have to be made!
Barack Obama has already proven where his loyalt is!
Our #1 problem in America is spoiled brats. People who are now old enough to take over this country and don't have the sense of a billy goat. People who only know how to take. People who only care about themselves and whether or not they will get what they want!
Spoiled Brats will never care about you! It won't happen. No matter what kind of token gesture they give you - there will be a price to pay.
Unfortunately many politicians are spoiled brats. Their only goal is to remain in power. It's not to help you. There are spoiled brats in the Republican party, but the Democratic party is overflowing with them. They only want to win an election - not build a better America!
How can you tell when someone really wants to build a better America? If anyone is willing to risk popularity, fame, money, power - and essentially toss it down the drain in order to follow though with a project that is "right" for the country - then and only then can you be sure that person cares about you.
If a politician is willing to do any kind of dance in order to get your vote - if they weasel their way out of any statement that receives negative responses - they are spoiled brats.
America has been turning out spoiled brats for a long time.
We have millions of young people across this country with too much money and too much time. They have grown up believing that having fun and getting everything they want is all that matters.
They don't care about quality in their work and would cut corners if it meant they could leave work early to go "have some fun". They are disrespectful and are not honorable. "Others" rights mean nothing to them. It's all about their own needs and desires. They are not willing to work hard or to defend good people. They are lazy and if you cross them or try to instruct them - they take the cowards way out and sue you.
Like stupid little sheep they will walk right into slaughter. Unfortunately, good people in America....tired people..... who once before had to come to the aid of this country....will have to step up to the plate and do something.
If we don't demand honorable politicians that can lead Godly lives, we will suffer.
If we don't demand that spoiled brats sit down and shut up, we will suffer.
If totally ignorant ridiculously stupid spoiled brats like Paris Hilton aren't made to follow the law, then the floodgates of tyranny will open. Give a spoiled brat an inch they will take a mile - and before you know it they will take over your country.
Yes, my friend, you guessed it. I'm a little disturbed by today's news.
And yes, I'm also saying that we have allowed lazy stupid spoiled brats to get away with murder much too long. If we are to save this country, we will have to fight.
Americans will die in this fight. My only hope is that there are enough good people left to stand and fight.
The pictures you have been seeing are from a high school in Montebello,California. The protesters put up the Mexican flag over the American flag and flew our precious flag upside down.
The e-mails I've received are correct to state that this probably won't be seen on the news. It's become politically tolerable for people staying in America to abuse the symbols and traditions of this country. If these rebellious high schoolers were born here - they are traitors.
I'm sure they will yell "Freedom of speech" but I'm equally sure they are not willing to die for the privilege.
They would not attempt this in their own country yet they feel free to protest our country. They are sure that none of the "old Americans" will want to fight them over this issue. Like thieves they have waited for us to build a great nation so they can march in like lazy cowards and take over.
It makes me sick to know that these rebellious, spoiled brats were not taken immediately suspended.
The image of the American flag subject to another and turned upside down on American soil is the most offensive thing I've seen in a long time.
If this doesn't make you mad enough to get involved then you deserve to lose your rights. Muslims want this country. Mexicans want control of this country. You better find out which ones they are and get them out.
If you don't, let me help you.....
...."There will come a day when your Bible will be taken away. Hide the word of God in your heart so when you fight the enemy for your freedom you can hear God's word in your head!"
God loves you,
Debbie